Hi, I'm a buddie now!

[[GA...]]

Come October, I will have been struggling with thienodiazepine/benzodiazepine addiction, repeated taper attempts, and a few months of sobriety for 3 years. I primarily have been having problems with "grey market", unapproved benzos/theinos. I have been previously diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, essential tremor, panic disorder and major depressive disorder. I have also previously been on several SSRIs and Buspar. My inability to adjust to SSRIs/SNRIs was a major failure in my anxiety therapy.

 

I started taking Etizolam late 2014 when I started my new job. My job is quite hectic, stressful and busy, and I found Etizolam really took the edge off my daily life. When my local source for Etizolam got in some legal troubles from the government for marketing their product for human consumption; I went on the search for a replacement drug. I discovered an ultra-potent analogiue of Clonazepam called "Clonazolam". I got heavily addicted to Clonazolam for about a year, doing 2.5 mgs per day (about the equivalent of 15-20 mgs of Diazepam).

 

I had no idea how bad benzo withdrawal actually would be, haven been intoxicated for the passed year and a half. I got back together with my girlfriend and decided to quit C/T in February 2016. After 3 weeks of convulsions, catatonia, hallucinations, pain, derealization and depersonalization; I decided to relapse and do a proper taper. I began my taper with a diazepam analogue called diclazepam (2-chloro-diazepam). After stabilizing at 3 mgs, I began slowly reducing my dose. By the end of September, I had reduced my dose to .1 mgs of diclazepam (= to 1 mg of diazepam).

 

I decided to jump off at this dose. The first thing I noticed was rebound anxiety. Over the next for months I began experimenting with "natural" GABAnergics including apigenin, kava kava, saint john's wort, taurine, phenibut, magnolia bark and L-theanine. In hindsight, these supplements made me much sicker by slowing the healing of GABA-A receptors. By the end of February 2017, I was in a very bad place with depression, severe anxiety, nerve pain, and depersonalization/derealization.

 

In March 2017, I re-relapsed with a different designer benzo called "flubromazepam" which I chose for its exceptionally long half-life (106 hours). I relapsed with the intention of doing a rapid taper. It's now September 2017 and I've blown my taper yet again after reducing my daily dose to 2.2mgs (about 2.75 mgs of Valium).

 

I'm here because I want to a buddie. I want to be a part of a vibrant, positive community of people who are suffering with same issues I am. i want positive, kind and understanding motivation and support to beat my benzo demons. At the same time I, want to help other buddies with my experience, knowledge and kind and loving support.

 

I am excited to be a buddie! I hope that my presence here will be helpful, and have a big impact on the lives of others' suffering from this affliction.

 

Please welcome me into your community.

[[me...]]

Welcome to the forum! We're glad  to have you as a new member.  It can be very difficult to get off and stay off benzos permanently, but it really can be done.  I never thought I'd be able to do it, and had two unsuccessful withdrawals, but on my third try I got off xanax once and for all, and have been off more than 5 years now.  It we one of the hardest things I've ever done, but in the end it really was worth it.

 

You'll find lots of information and support here.  Our members have been through all aspects of withdrawal, and you're likely to find  people who understand what you're going through.

 

For those who are starting a new taper, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days at first, and then adjusting the taper rate to suit your own needs.  One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster.  Having some withdrawal symptoms is normal, especially near the end of a taper and for a few months after discontinuing the medication.  First/only withdrawals after a slow taper tend to be easier than multiple reinstatements/withdrawals over time, which may make symptoms worse and longer lasting. The most common symptoms are anxiety and insomnia, but there are many others. These are temporary and will go away in time.

 

Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Withdrawal Support Board

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. Section III explains and describes symptoms, and there is also a section with suggested taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[GA...]]

ADDENDUM: I WAS TAKING .25mg CLONAZOLAM DURING THE HEIGHT OF MY ADDICTION, NOT 2.5 (that amount would be insane)!

[[Su...]]

 

welcome GABAtron!

There are some really positive and educated threads in this forum, and it's worth taking a look around to see where those might be for you.  I know I read like crazy when I first joined, to make some sense of it all.

It sounds like you've come a long way!  (We've all come a long way  )

Hope to see you on the boards and around .

Feel free to PM me if you want. 

SS

[[GA...]]

Thank you SufferingSixty,

 

I'm trying to be more active in the BB community , not only by asking questions but by helping others as well. I appreciate your warm welcome!

[[Su...]]

Ya it took me awhile to figure out to be active member, there are so many ways! I'm sure you'll find a way that makes sense for you.

Hope to see you around

SS

[[Ho...]]

Congratulations in making the decision to get healthy!

 

you will be in my prayers.

 

WELCOME

[[gi...]]

Yes, you're a buddie now, welcome!