When people don't understand...

[[mi...]]

Has anyone experienced feeling very alone during this? How did you cope.

[[Ma...]]

- making goals, then plans, then plans for each day and doing the things on that list - no matter what

- writing here on the board

- finding people in similar situations

- finding new friends

- read books about wd

- helping hotlines or groups

- loving myself

 

[[mi...]]

My husband and friends are happy and successful people. They are suck it up cupcake, it's mind over matter people. I feel I'm getting so messy on the inside. I really am trying to be strong.

[[An...]]

Yep, I have felt very alone in all this. I have the support of my husband and that is it. No one else believes me or seems to care. So, what Marigold said is very good advice. I do the same. I make a list of things I plan to do during the day and then I do them no matter how I feel. It might just be clean the bathroom or dust the furniture or read a book or play a video game but I also plan at least ONE activity during the week I have to do such as grocery shopping or whatever. Something each week if I can think of anything. Right now I am going to the Chiropractor for my sciatica issues so that is taking up 3 days a week. I aslo wanted to mention that I moved to a new state a few months before all this happened so I have no friends or family in town. I also sit down and visualize myself being well and happy every single day. It helps me to feel better. Mainly I try to take care of myself. Take a shower every other day, eat all my meals, drink tons of fluids etc. Just try to live a healthy life. We will get well.  I can't wait.

[[mi...]]

Thank you for the replies and suggestions. I work a high paced and demanding job, I am a mom. I have tons of built in things I have to do everyday. Keeping busy is not the problem, staying sane is.

 

[[Mt...]]

I wish I had an answer for you, I'm experiencing the same right now. Trying to keep it together as a mom is so hard. No one truly knows what we're experiencing and dealing with which is very isolating. The only things really getting me through right now are tapping (EFT), nightly meditation (guided YouTube ones), and trying to stay present. Best of luck- and know that this has to get better, we will get through this!

[[Bl...]]

I wish I had an answer for you, I'm experiencing the same right now. Trying to keep it together as a mom is so hard. No one truly knows what we're experiencing and dealing with which is very isolating. The only things really getting me through right now are tapping (EFT), nightly meditation (guided YouTube ones), and trying to stay present. Best of luck- and know that this has to get better, we will get through this!

 

It is hard being a mum and going through this, some days I feel so detached I can't enjoy the time I have with my son and that makes me sad he is only 5.  All I know is we are super strong and will make this - today is a tough day for me I just want to cry away the anxiety and negative thoughts. Sooo frustrating 😩My favourite thing is watching comedies or light shows in the evening, if I am lucky my brain is quiet for a while.

[[Da...]]

No one in my family understands me and i get told to just suck it  up as well. I gave up trying to explain it to them. I watch silly things on YouTube and that helps me a lot.

[[Kr...]]

Yes, absolutely.  I feel deep down a strong need to be comforted and unconditionally loved that is not met by any of my loved ones.  This is horrendous.  We are experiencing physical and mental torture that goes unseen, and then many of us feel the expectation to carry on like normal.  It's unbearable at times and I have felt like I am invisible.  When I feel so existentially alone, I will turn to guided mediation, ones that are designed to offer support and unconditional love, ones that allow me to be compassionate with myself.  I often feel connected afterwards and realize that it is okay I am alone and that others don't recognize my struggle.  Be kind to yourself.  And reach out on here.  We understand.

[[Gr...]]

My husband thinks that when I say I didn't do something because of withdrawal, it's an excuse.  I honestly feel more comfortable just owning up to not doing something without always mentioning withdrawal.  I worry it's damaging my self esteem to not be capable of so many normal, what used to be easy, things. 

 

It's also so unpredictable.  Sometimes I'm feeling a lot better and things look great and the next day, wham, everything is impossible again.

[[mi...]]

Well, after a terrible night where I started actually sobbing in the shower, and having dark thoughts, I realized my big cut right off the bat was just too much. Was taking 2 mg originally then cut out .5 Ativan pill.  I went back up to 2 mg. I have done more research and have what I think is a much better plan of how to attack this thing. It sucks moving back up.

Does anyone know how long it takes to feel normal after reinstating? I just moved back up today.

[[mi...]]

Thank you all for the replies. It helps to know I'm not alone. I made an appt with my psychologist for this week. Told him what was going on.  He wants to do EMDR.

[[Gr...]]

Honestly if I had to do my whole taper over again,  I would do a liquid microtaper.  I waited many many months in between my first and large cuts in my taper.  I feel like I could have been happier during that time if I had gone very slow and made really small cuts.

[[mi...]]

Wow, how sad is it that putting this crap back in my system made me already feel so much more like myself again. I'm gonna go slower moving forward when I cut again. I guess I could just keep up dosing until I'm on like a billion milligrams if ativan to stay straight, and I can only grunt for communication lol 😂

[[Gr...]]

Wow, how sad is it that putting this crap back in my system made me already feel so much more like myself again. I'm gonna go slower moving forward when I cut again. I guess I could just keep up dosing until I'm on like a billion milligrams if ativan to stay straight, and I can only grunt for communication lol 😂

 

I'm so glad you are feeling better.  It IS crazy, isn't it?  I just can't believe how much this drug has affected us.  I think it even changed my personality, or made me think that withdrawal symptoms are part of my personality. 

[[mi...]]

ThAnk you. Yes it is crazy. I know what you mean. It's hard to tell where you end and withdrawl begins. If perception is reality, then however your brain is perceiving things feels so real.

[[Kr...]]

Hi mint choc chip,

 

I'm glad you made an appointment with your psychologist.  I think having someone to talk with who is not directly involved in your life is helpful and hopefully he/she can give you an objective assessment/reminder of the real you underneath the withdrawal.  I totally get the whole perception thing...I've felt pretty bipolar throughout this ordeal.  The lows seem sooo low.  And when I'm okay, I can't remember how it feels to feel so awful.  And yes, go slow this time with the taper.  Had to laugh about your thoughts on updosing.  Hang in there!  You will get through this and come out a stronger person.

 

[[Ph...]]

I, too, have often feel like 2 different people throughout this process. I can relate to hardly even remembering the intense depression when I'm feeling better. Unfortunately, that's when I start to feel the physical stuff. I've been on so meds for long enough now, that I'm not even sure who the real me is anymore. There's no doubt these meds, and especially this experience changes our personalities. For me, it has certainly made me more empathetic and understanding, which will be very useful if and when I ever get through this.

 

Anyway, this whole thread almost makes me want to start another one entitled "When you can't even tell people what's going on" Sigh

[[mi...]]

It is a very isolating experience for many of us.  I have told a couple people in my inner circle what's going on. They don't really get it, but they care about me. I am going to a psychologist this week for help. I recommend finding a councilor or psychologist. It is an outlet for what we are going through. Not all are created equal though. Don't be afraid to switch up if it's not a match at first.