Can't get stable enough to start taper

[[Si...]]

I have akathisia for 3 years now from weaning off chlonazapam. I also have debilitating insomnia which is why I take lorazepam. I can't get my akathisia to stabilize  enough to try a taper. I tried different diets, paleo, juicing, keto. I have tried different supplements. Now I just eat reasonably and take fish oil. Every night, I take a different doze of lorazepam depending on how akathisia is. Sometimes I can get away with just 0.5 mg then some nights I have to take up to 4 mg. In 2 doses. 1 to get to sleep and 1 to get back to sleep when I wake at 3-5am.

 

My depression is also a problem. Lately, I started drinking 1 cup decaf Starbucks which has one caffeine for a small cup of coffee. I move more at work and depression isn't as bad. Then I drink 1 cup of strong decaf tea after that. I definitely makes me move more and I'm starting to eat sugar and flour. I guess I have given up. I have tried so hard for 3 years to heal and nothing works. I can't stabilize enough to taper.

I'm so totally lost now I feel like I'm going to be an obese dementia patient for life. Being well just isn't in the cards for me.

I just needed to get this out. :'( :'( :'(

[[ma...]]

Hello Sixam!

I'm sorry you're feeling bad :-(

If you feel better when you have to move at work, perhaps exercising could help. Have you tried it? Running, dancing or even just walking vigorously for 30 min a day. As far as I know, Akathisia is linked to decreased dopamine and dopamine may be produced by cardio exercise. Coffee, I don't think it will help. It never helped me ease depression and causes restlessness which is not good for your Akathisia. It's also not good for insomnia. Dieting, like you are doing, and physical exercise seem much better options.

All the best :-)

 

[[Si...]]

Thanks for the advice but I've had 3 years of advice and trying everything. I'm at a point where I just need to give up for a while. I'm tired of taking care of myself and feeling bad no matter what I do.

I feel like I am going to end up with early onset of dementia and extremely overweight with severe depression and akathisia. I feel like I have been fighting it off and it's just no good.

I have found a counselor that does EMDR but charges $140 and doesn't take insurance.. I'm going to try a counselor just to have someone to talk to.

Sorry I know I'm in self pity but I'm just so tired of trying to succeed with no results. I can only take so much.

 

Best wishes  for others trying to succeed.

[Guest [Le...]]

I was on Ativan (lorazepam) too, and at the end it all backfired - which sounds like what's happening to you.

 

Akathisia, insomnia, depression, I got all of it - and it was all caused by the Ativan. As hard as it was to get off, it was totally worth it. All of those symptoms are gone now. I am back to drinking three shots of espresso a day, no more jitters, and I can sleep again. While I still avoid sugar most of the time, I can actually eat chocolate again, and the occasional cookie or other treat.

 

The hard part is to get the ball rolling, and begin to taper off. When you're being plagued by insomnia, even though taking those benzo doses seems to help, they'll delay the date you're finally free of them.

 

Do you have a taper plan that you were trying to follow? I'm wondering if you have a known dose of lorazepam on which you could stabilize (and get sleep), and then taper very slowly from that.

[[Ar...]]

Thanks Leslie...your advice is appreciated. Yeah I am tapering down...dealing with these crappy symptoms, but the more I experience than the more I realize I have been having them off and on this whole time I've been on the Ativan....One of the biggest motivations I have for getting off this garbage....it was making me sick.

[[Ma...]]

I wouldn't advise a rapid taper like I had, but the akathisia and anxiety has gotten better since I've been off lorazepam. I tried for several weeks trying to find the "right dose," and everything kept getting worse. The akathisia was bad for the first month of WD, but it has mostly gone away. What's left is a vague sense of restlessness and a feeling that I have to rush through everything, and I just keep reminding myself to breathe and slow down. One of the brutal facts I faced was that I wasn't going to stabilize on any dose of lorazepam, and that my only chance was to break free from the clutches of this drug. I wish someone in my health community had the wherewithal and compassion and knowledge to suggest a slow taper, but alas, this didn't happen. I hope you find some peace, and can begin a taper soon. I wouldn't worry about dementia, though I understand it's hard not to think of the long term. All we can afford to think about in WD is the short term. Much love!

[[Ma...]]

A good therapist once told me "you cant become more stable". I hated her.

(It was another situation, before we started a confrontation therapy for my PTBS - but I felt the same before starting my 1001 tapers).

 

For me - in the end - this became MY sentence. Whenever I did not dare to start a new thing, no matter which one, and my mind was screaming "no, not yet, I am not stable enough" - I told myself to start.

 

We want to be 100% prepared for the way, thats normal. But especially when we want to come off drugs, there won't be any stability unless we are a lot of months without it. The feeling of not being able to cope, 1001 symomtns, will bring those thoughts like "I just cannot do that" back every single day or moment.

 

I don't want to scare you. If this doesn't fit for you - drop my words into the bin.

For me, this withdrawal experience just tought me that I can fight DRAGONS while being completely out of control, out of my mind, with a broken, crazy body. The only thing I needed was the decision to walk through the hell and I learned that my willpower carried my poor body through lots of dangerous situations.

 

Hugs,

marigold

[[An...]]

I never stabilized. I had to just start tapering at a dose I could handle. Maybe start at 4 mg since that is the most you take and go from there doing a micro taper with water slowly until you start feeling better. I know from experience that going up and down on your medication like that throws your body into a tizzy. Nothing is going to make you feel better except getting off the drug. I wish you all the best.

[[to...]]

Whats does akathisia feel like?  I started getting the adrenalin feeling in my chest after i take my dose

[[Al...]]

Hi there

 

Ah man, my heart is breaking for you. I know only too well that inability to stabilize enough just to start the grueling process of tapering.

 

I really just wanted to say I empathize with you, I can totally relate to what you are feeling and I am hoping and praying that you find some light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Be kind to your body. And I wish you everything of the best.

 

Thinking of you 

[[Si...]]

Thanks for all the feedback. It helps a lot to know I'm not going to stabilize and am making myself worse by going up and down. I started taking 1mg lorazepam at 3 or 4 am to sleep till 7 so I wouldn't wake at 5 or 6. I am now taking 1 mg at around 11pm then 1 mg at 3.4 am. How to taper is the question. Should I just take 1.5 mg at 11 and deal with the taper that way?  Any suggestions?

[[Si...]]

I was looking for a taper plan but can't find one. Also I read a manuel but can't find that also. Can someone suggest a taper plan or lead me to the manuel?

[[An...]]

Here you go: Scroll down to the 3rd one. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm

[[Si...]]

Thanks for that. I did find it but it doesn't match at all what I am doing. I don't take it during the day and not on a substitution plan.

I'm going to Dr. in morning. I'll ask her what I can do for taper. Of she isn't helpful, I'll just start tapering in evening when I fall asleep easily then taper the 3 am dose.

Suggestions are welcome.