Taken as perscribed... short term use... ARG!

[[sa...]]

Back on April 6th 2017 went to my doctor because of some neck pain and told him I had trouble sleeping for a few days because of my neck pain, He gave me  .5mg of Klonopin, 30 tabs , so I took them for about two weeks , just one .5mg tab before bedtime for about two weeks, then decided I didn't need them anymore... then a few days later I got really bad anxiety and had a panic attack , first time in my life I had a panic attack. I'm a 48 year old male in great shape and have never taken any meds before besides OTC advil once in a while. I also rarely drank any alcohol. So I took another .5mg of Klonopin , this settled me down , I wasn't sure what was going on at this point, then I attempted to spread the pills out over the next few weeks, Not taking them every night, I was just not feeling right at this point. Still confused

Then on May 10TH I got my gene sight DNA test back and it showed me as a poor metabolizer and Klonopin not being in my good area. So I decided I was done taking these poisons. 2 days later all hell broke loose... No sleep, body felt like it was on fire , severe anxiety... Went to the ER said I had GAD ... I'm like what? what about my body all burning up , they said it was anxiety, I said not possible... sent me home with 2mg of Ativan.. It worked pretty good for most of the day, then I started researching these poisons... Holy crap , I tried to stop the Ativan for 2 days, not good

then reinstated on 2mg once a day for a few weeks and started my taper jumped on august 3rd. It's been almost 6 weeks now and I have so many symptoms, my life has been a complete horrific mess... please help. 

[Guest [Le...]]

Hello, saddlingup - welcome to BenzoBuddies, and congratulations on being benzo-free!

 

Ouch, I understand your pain, having tried to stop Ativan and utterly failing, until I came here. I'm relieved that you're off though, because as bad as things are now, the terrible symptoms do ease up over time. I did a painful cold turkey in the end, after a rapid taper, and I'm happily well on the road to recovery now - you will be, too. 

 

I'm so glad you decided to join the forum - you'll find plenty of information and support here. Our members have gone through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal, so you'll be able to connect with others who understand what you're going through.

 

The following boards may be a good starting place for you to post your questions:

 

  Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

  Cold Turkey, Detox and Rapid Withdrawal

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature. This will allow members to see where you are in the process, so that they can better support you.

 

Looking forward to seeing you on the forum!

Leslie 

 

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative resource on what to expect during withdrawal and recovery. It provides a great deal of information that can be very reassuring during any stage of this process, including a list of common symptoms with helpful explanations.

[[Rx...]]

Went to the ER said I had GAD ... I'm like what?

 

Been there, heard that too.  You have my sincere empathy.

[[st...]]

Saddlingup.... same thing happened to me...short term Klonopin use...only took about 30mg total including my taper...been off 3 weeks now...slowly recovering...I know it's not fair and doesnt make any sense...stuff like this doesnt happen to good,strong, honest people...here is a link to my benzobuddie daily progress...I know when it was having a bad day...just knowing I wasnt the only one in this situation made me feel better....we will heal! Just takes time... good luck... :thumbsup:

[[gr...]]

keep going, you figured it out!

[[st...]]

Back on April 6th 2017 went to my doctor because of some neck pain and told him I had trouble sleeping for a few days because of my neck pain, He gave me  .5mg of Klonopin, 30 tabs , so I took them for about two weeks , just one .5mg tab before bedtime for about two weeks, then decided I didn't need them anymore... then a few days later I got really bad anxiety and had a panic attack , first time in my life I had a panic attack. I'm a 48 year old male in great shape and have never taken any meds before besides OTC advil once in a while. I also rarely drank any alcohol. So I took another .5mg of Klonopin , this settled me down , I wasn't sure what was going on at this point, then I attempted to spread the pills out over the next few weeks, Not taking them every night, I was just not feeling right at this point. Still confused

Then on May 10TH I got my gene sight DNA test back and it showed me as a poor metabolizer and Klonopin not being in my good area. So I decided I was done taking these poisons. 2 days later all hell broke loose... No sleep, body felt like it was on fire , severe anxiety... Went to the ER said I had GAD ... I'm like what? what about my body all burning up , they said it was anxiety, I said not possible... sent me home with 2mg of Ativan.. It worked pretty good for most of the day, then I started researching these poisons... Holy crap , I tried to stop the Ativan for 2 days, not good

then reinstated on 2mg once a day for a few weeks and started my taper jumped on august 3rd. It's been almost 6 weeks now and I have so many symptoms, my life has been a complete horrific mess... please help.

 

Here is a helpful post I borrowed from another poster that talks about the 4 phases of recovery/healing...Now Im not sure how accurate it is for everyone but it is fairy accurate for me...

 

Hey Buddies,

 

My angel and mentor through this withdrawal mess is someone who survived benzo withdrawal herself, supported and cared for her husband during his withdrawal, and has observed and supported hundreds of people on BB through this process, all of whom have healed and are out living lives of complete rebirth and utter bliss.  They have all healed.  She has read thousands of posts and followed hundreds of journeys and, as a third party observer, she has concluded there are four distinct phases to this withdrawal process.  I thought it might be interesting to some people (me) to try and figure out where we are in our journey and maybe how much longer we have to do "time" before we're released from our temporary prison.  I also think it may give some people (me) hope that we are progressing and this will, one day, come to an end.  Maybe these phases don't ring true for your withdrawal experience.  Tapering versus cold turkey would likely make our journeys different for that reason alone.  I hope lots of people chime in with their experiences through withdrawal, as the collection of more anecdotal evidence helps all of us.

 

PHASE ONE

This is what we commonly refer to as the Acute Phase, which commences once you jump off the medication.  If you tapered and went through tolerance withdrawal, this phase is likely to be a smoother transition than a cold turkey or rapid withdrawal.

 

PHASE TWO

This phase is a little easier than Phase One, but is marked by symptoms "morphing" in nature, becoming intermittent, decreasing in intensity and frequency, and even disappearing altogether.  New symptoms may even pop in and out periodically.  Some people start detecting the Windows and Waves pattern beginning.  Others may start seeing relief in the late afternoon and evening.  In this phase, you can pretty easily identify your "core" bugger symptoms versus the auxiliary ones, kind of like a circle within a circle of your close "friends" versus your "acquaintances."  Even if you experience windows, the waves crash down on you for no apparent reason too.  It's still a very hellish phase, to say the least, but it IS progress.

 

PHASE THREE

This phase is better than One and Two because it is more situational and predictable.  It is the Sensitivity Phase.  You might never have noticed you reacted to things earlier in withdrawal, mostly because you were dealing with horrific symptoms all the time and didn't make the sensitivity connection.  How could you?  You were suffering ALL THE TIME.  Now that you are further along in your healing and notice a definite dampening down of symptoms, you'll recognize a big difference when you get upticks and flare ups.  For some people, their sensitivity reaction will come the following day in the form of a wave and they will pull out of it in a matter of hours. This delayed wave reaction and short duration is evidence that your system has healed a LOT.  Others might get hit with a wave that lasts a few days or weeks.  It probably depends on what caused the sensitivity reaction.  Here are just a few things that may or may not cause a sensitivity wave:

 

1.  You eat something that doesn't agree with you, or contains preservatives or too much sugar.

2.  Caffeine, alcohol, weed.

3.  Missing meals which makes your blood sugar drop.

4.  Too much strenuous exercise, activity or over-stimulation.

5.  Stressful life circumstances.

6.  Antibiotics.

7.  Drugs and supplements.

8.  Chemicals in cleaning and personal products.

 

These are just a few of the sensitivity triggers that may or may not cause a wave.  I'm sure the buddies on this forum could name many others and I HOPE THEY DO, so the rest of us can keep our antennas up.  Bottom line:  These are situational upticks and waves that are not random and come out of nowhere.  You are further along in the healing process.  You'll bounce back and keep moving forward, avoiding the things that trigger your waves.

 

PHASE FOUR

This is the Recovery Phase.  Almost all of the debilitating symptoms that kept you dysfunctional are gone.  The remaining one or two symptoms are more annoyances than anything.  Your systems are still healing, so you need to walk gently into re-entry.  You also need to keep living the healthy lifestyle you've acquired throughout your withdrawal journey.  You will feel better and better each day because your systems are continually healing.  You will KNOW your suffering is over, but you need to keep your antennas up and abstain from your previous vices for another year.

 

So that's it in a very big nutshell.  I'd love to hear feedback from other buddies on whether or not these phases strike a familiar chord, or really don't seem to apply.

 

My own journey has mirrored these phases so far.  I seem to be in Phase Three.

 

Where are all of you in your journey so far?

 

[[wy...]]

Moderators will probably delete this because it is generally an anti-alcohol forum but you might try having a glass of wine or whatever your preference in alcohol might be.  You are obviously not alcohol addiction prone and it might give your GABA receptors a jump start.  Just a thought.  This is not a good idea for depression but has the possibility of alleviating anxiety.  Just don't make a habit of it - you don't need to start another problem.

[Guest [Le...]]

Moderators will probably delete this because it is generally an anti-alcohol forum but you might try having a glass of wine or whatever your preference in alcohol might be.  You are obviously not alcohol addiction prone and it might give your GABA receptors a jump start.  Just a thought.  This is not a good idea for depression but has the possibility of alleviating anxiety.  Just don't make a habit of it - you don't need to start another problem.

 

Hi Wynne,

 

Actually, the forum is not anti-alcohol.

 

Some members have been able to resume alcohol consumption, although I would caution anyone considering it that alcohol smacks the same neurotransmitters as benzos, and it may not be a great idea to do it while one's GABA_A is still in a downregulated state from benzos.

 

Just my two cents, not a moderation.

 

Leslie

[[Ri...]]

Hi,

 

Glad you figured out you were in withdrawal so you can address it properly. I went to ER two times and I felt like a crazy person with  all my crazy symptoms.  The ER was looking for a quick fix and send me back to my GP who put me on a AD.  I spent months thinking I had MS or another neurological disease as I also only took K for a short period of time. I would do a fairly quick taper since you were not on that long. Drink lots of water and try and minimize the stress in your life while your nervous system is healing. Best of luck, you will heal.

[[Ri...]]

Opps I apologize I can see that you have already tapered and jumped. Yes It is normal to have all these symptoms but I assure with time it will all settle down. I took off work for a few months as I was not able to cope or get off the couch (except to force a walk outside each day). My job is not a desk job and requires daily interaction with people and I was def not prepared physically or mentally for that. I am now back at work and took a wonderful family trip in the summer. Try guided meditation online from youtube, that helped me with anxiety.

[[sa...]]

Hello... my sleep is better... but my morning and daily dispair

Is very extreme ... my body is so worn down, I'm very scared  that I'm going to give up soon😞

I just really feel like I'll never be me again... nothing helps , I now hate being around people , how can this be? My adorable little pooch is suffering also , I use to play with her all the time I feel so bad for her.  I'm so scared   I need me back !!!!!

 

[[Rx...]]

Hello... my sleep is better... but my morning and daily dispair

Is very extreme ... my body is so worn down, I'm very scared  that I'm going to give up soon😞

I just really feel like I'll never be me again... nothing helps , I now hate being around people , how can this be? My adorable little pooch is suffering also , I use to play with her all the time I feel so bad for her.  I'm so scared   I need me back !!!!!

 

Please don't give up.  Sending you a hug.

[[ma...]]

Du fixar det, ha tålamod.

[[...]]

Hello... my sleep is better... but my morning and daily dispair

Is very extreme ... my body is so worn down, I'm very scared  that I'm going to give up soon😞

I just really feel like I'll never be me again... nothing helps , I now hate being around people , how can this be? My adorable little pooch is suffering also , I use to play with her all the time I feel so bad for her.  I'm so scared   I need me back !!!!!

 

This is exactly how I feel. I have no motivation, no excitement when it comes to playing with my daughter. It's horrible, so I empathize with you. I have had some better days lately, so I try to focus on those. We just have to wait out the days and keep pushing forward. I know where you're at though, and it's a dark place, that's for sure.

 

Hoping things lighten up for you soon.

[[sa...]]

Buddies... I try so hard to be positive, how can joy possibly be taken  from ones life ?

The constant  adrenaline rushes and nerve pain is so inhumane. How can these poisons be aloud to be prescribed for 50 plus years, Just so fn crazy!

Nothing changes , the enomuous mourning anxiety and adrenaline rushes and evening muscle and nerve pain are sucking So bad! , I'm not sure how I make each hour let alone each day !

I'm sorry friends for not being more chipper , I miss family , eating my normal foods , rooting for my favorite sports team , being exited  in he morning about the upcoming day  and enjoying the simple things in life.... just so scared to live like this anymore!

Heck watching tv or YouTube makes me sad , everything reminds me of my previous life !

I need hope soooo bad !!!!!!

Your friend Brad

[[Rx...]]

Buddies... I try so hard to be positive, how can joy possibly be taken  from ones life ?

The constant  adrenaline rushes and nerve pain is so inhumane. How can these poisons be aloud to be prescribed for 50 plus years, Just so fn crazy!

Nothing changes , the enomuous mourning anxiety and adrenaline rushes and evening muscle and nerve pain are sucking So bad! , I'm not sure how I make each hour let alone each day !

I'm sorry friends for not being more chipper , I miss family , eating my normal foods , rooting for my favorite sports team , being exited  in he morning about the upcoming day  and enjoying the simple things in life.... just so scared to live like this anymore!

Heck watching tv or YouTube makes me sad , everything reminds me of my previous life !

I need hope soooo bad !!!!!!

Your friend Brad

 

Don't apologize for not being more chipper.  This is really rough stuff.  I had one of the hugest list of symptoms.  I'm not out of the woods, but things have calmed.  Please hang in there. 

[Guest [Le...]]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Brad.

 

You're in the first stages of benzo recovery and unfortunately, despair, burning nerve pain, and a whole bunch of other symptoms are very common.

 

Luckily these disappear over time, and since you were such a short term user, you may get some relief sooner, rather than later.

 

I remember how blank I was emotionally, too. Even though I love my cats more than I can tell you, during that time I had no feelings at all. I took good care of them, and went through the motions of hugging them and playing with them, but I wondered why they were even there. It was as though they were total strangers.

 

Everything was strange then - none of my belongings seemed like mine, and my warm and friendly home seemed alien to me. I was terrified of television and then became scared of my living room because the giant TV that I used to love so much was in it.

 

One day a few months ago, my emotions returned, and so did my giddy love for my family and my kitties. It was as though the lights were suddenly turned on and the world was filled with color and beauty again.

 

Please hang onto this, my friend - it will happen for you too, and I hope that will be very soon.

 

[[st...]]

Hi Brad...I'm posting this success story from another benzo buddie because I think it may bring you some hope....

 

 

I hope my story helps guys 

 

I have never been the greatest sleeper, but probably not the worst either. I had bouts of insomnia over my lifetime but I had never worried too much about it. In 2016 I had a very stressful job, and was amidst a mid-life crisis, impending menopause etc.. when my sleep became disrupted. For some reason I worried about it (which of course is the worst thing you can do) and started to obsess that there was something seriously wrong with my brain lol… with that increasing anxiety I started to experience some really intense insomnia which further frightened me and before I knew it I was really really scared and running off to the GP for meds.. well – that’s when the real fun started!! To cut a long story short the benzo’s not only didn’t help that much in getting me a good night sleep but began to worsen the situation as tolerance set in.. it didn’t help that the GP had prescribed a short acting benzo (not good for sleep) rather than the longer acting ones.. and of course as I continued to sleep poorly my anxiety about it just worsened to the point that I entered this vicious cycle of anxiety about sleep -> reduced sleep -> further anxiety -> further poor sleep – need I say more.. so yeah the combination of sleep anxiety and meds really ruined my sleep!!

 

For a time, a very long time my life was hell, the anxiety and depression were so very intense, and the despair and hopelessness was like nothing I have ever experienced.. I honestly thought (as many do here) that I wouldn’t never recover.. I often thought about death, I had no concrete plans to end my life, but the pain was so intense I thought death might be the only escape.. every single day was a battle and some days were pure torture. Somehow I kept working (as I knew that keeping a routine was important) though I had to reduce my hours substantially.. I did my best to put on a brave face, performed reasonably well, but inside I was a mess..

 

I wasn’t on the benzo’s for that long (total 4.5months) and spent more time weaning off them than taking them at the full dose but boy did they wreck my system!! i did not experience the full range of symptoms that some do but feel that I experienced the worst symptom which was intense insomnia. And also tinnitus. I have had tinnitus for years anyway, but 6 weeks in it really really intensified and unfortunately is still there but not as bad.. for many insomnia is the worst and I fully concur with that.. I didn’t have the worst sleep compared to some here, but there were plenty of 0 nighters or just a few hours, and the quality was non existent, even when I did sleep for longer it was so horribly fragmented and light – not at all refreshing..

 

As for my sleep now? Well it is not perfect and I have had plenty of setbacks lasting from days to several weeks.. But most nights I average between 7-8hours and often drop off fairly quick. It is broken though, I wake on average three times per night but most of the time can get back to sleep immediately. As we age our sleep does become more fragmented/lighter and I have read that waking 3 – 4 times per night by age 50 is not at all unusual for women so I figure my interruptions are normal. And I still have sleep anxiety but it is reducing very slowly.. I know I will be fully healed when I can have a poor night sleep here and there and it be nothing more than that, ie no undue anxiety, no catastrophizing..

 

As for my emotional/physical functioning? I think I am at about 95% of where I was before all this started and actually in many ways doing better. I changed jobs and am working for myself now which is sooo much better!! I am still having my mid life crisis but am working through this.. Am feeling a lot happier and depressed mood and anxiety is for the most part minimal. I have also put on weight as i had lost about 5-6kilos.

 

Anyways, below are some of the things that I tried that helped me. Obviously, everyone is different and people's recovery will of course depend on multiple factors. But perhaps what helped me can help you too? No one strategy worked for me, rather a number of strategies combined helped me progress through this period.

 

•  Get support - be it friends, family, spouses, psychologist, as well as on line support. Be choosy though, as you know not everyone is overly interested to hear about our problems so choose those people you know will be supportive. Be careful not to overuse support. Talking about it too much is not healthy, and staying online too much isn’t either. When online focus on the positive stories.

 

•  Try to keep a normal routine. If you can keep working (even if reduced) do this. Otherwise, if taking time off have a routine of positive activities comprising enjoyable and constructive activities/projects. Stay busy!

 

•  Limit the time you spend alone doing nothing. Time alone is deadly for anxiety and depression, if you can’t be with others that’s fine, but be sure to engage in some activity to reduce the time spent obsessing, especially activity that is really engaging.

 

•  Make sure you make exercise and relaxation part of your routine. Whatever does it for you – yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, massages, deep breathing, running, walking, meditation, sport, music, socialising.. Exercising and relaxing are good for physical and mental health. And eat healthy!!

 

•  Re sleep: Try using meditation scripts/nature noises at night for sleep. I found that I had to keep changing them up as they would lose novelty and stop working. Having something nice to listen to sometimes helped me to quieten my mind and make sleep more likely. I also used antihistamines and mirtazapine to sleep but sparingly.. sometimes they worked, other times not.. And regarding the sleep anxiety - oh boy that is a hard one! I am not going to tell you NOT to be anxious about sleep as that won't work. But i do encourage you to take your sleep anxious thoughts/feelings less seriously and avoid really indulging them. Treat them as nothing more than an annoying symptom that are not worthy of undue attention. Try to develop a "i don't give a dam about sleep attitude", it's so very hard i know but if you can move (even slightly) from a "what if!?!?.." position to a "so what!!!" position this will help you to let go of the angst to some degree which we know can create more sleep difficulties.

 

•  Consider taking up a new interest. Depression can make it hard to find pleasure in the usual things but taking up a new interest can re-ignite our interest. A new interest is great for pulling our attention away from ourselves.

 

•  Act despite the way you feel. Even if you feel anxious/depressed/tired try to do something for yourself which is constructive/positive. Ie be committed to getting on with the things that you need or want to do. Withdrawing from life and our normal activity only compounds our distress and delays our recovery. Committing to doing despite feeling bad won’t have a miraculous effect but it will help. It will help you realise that you are more capable of functioning than what you thought, will help rebuild confidence, take your focus away from your withdrawal, and help improve your mood.

 

•  Be accepting! It is so hard I know.. but it is so important to accept the distress – the anxiety/depression/despair/horrible sleep – all of it.. let’s put it this way – if you are not willing to have the distress, you will have more of it.. the harder you struggle against the distress the worse it will be. You gotta “roll with the punches”, “ride the wave”.. in accepting your distress, you take the edge of it, and you free up valuable energy needed for your recovery.

 

•  Don’t take your thoughts and feelings too seriously.. consider this - just because you have a negative thought doesn’t mean it is accurate, and just because you have an awful feeling it doesn’t mean you have to act in accordance with it.. the problem with negative thoughts and feelings is that we often respond to these in an unhelpful way, quite often by withdrawing or by really indulging the thoughts which compounds our distress.. you don’t have to try to suppress thoughts and feelings (and actually this won’t work), acknowledge their existence but choose not to indulge them or respond to them in an unhelpful way.. this relates to my point before about acting despite how you feel..

 

•  Be patient and expect/accept setbacks – know that you will recover in time, not as quickly as you would like but that it will happen. Also understand that that no strategy is a magic bullet or will necessarily work quickly.. the strategies can take time and require persistence.. and progress can be painfully slow.. progress is not linear and setbacks are inevitable. Treat setbacks as a learning experience and not a catastrophe. During the setbacks, take a step back and look at the bigger picture, and remind yourself of the progress you have made, however small (consider keeping a progress log). I have often said to people that setbacks are nothing more than bumps in your road to recovery.

 

•  Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for not recovering more quickly, for not implementing strategies perfectly or consistently, or for being weak. You are strong.. And being strong is not being impervious to pain, it’s not being able to suppress negative thoughts and feelings, it’s being human, having difficulties, it’s having the pain and bearing it as best you can.

 

•  Consider some good books: “The Sleep Book”, “Spark”, also anything by Dr Claire Weekes..  also anything ACT related which encourages acceptance of distress and commitment to moving forward..

 

•  Believe in yourself and your body’s ability to heal in time. And try not get in the way of this process. Identify those things that help you, and those things that don’t help. Focus on doing the things that help and let your mind and body do the rest of the work in their own time.

 

I hope this helps guys 

 

I am happy to receive comments on this post but for privacy reasons would prefer not to receive personal messages – I hope you understand 

 

 

 

« Last Edit: September 03, 2017, 10:22:29 am by 1966 »

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Oct 2016 - Ativan for anx related short term insomnia - 1mg most nights for several weeks

Nov 11 - reduced to .5 to .75mg

Nov 18 - back up to 1mg some nights (18 doses of 1mg in total)

Nov 25 - down to .5 to .75mg - RLS started

Dec 2 - mostly .5, RLS, then TINNITUS started

Dec 9 -  .45 to .5mg -  RLS reduced

Dec 16 - .4 to .5, then down to .2 + started crossover by adding 2/2.5mg of Valium

Dec 23 - .25mg + 1.5/2mg Valium

Dec 30 - .20mg Ativan 5 days then JUMPED, holding Valium at 2mg

Jan 6 - 2mg Valium

Jan 14 - 1.5mg

Jan 25 - 1mg

Feb 3 - .75mg

Feb 10 - .6mg

Feb 17 - .4mg then .3mg

Feb 28 - .15 to .2mg

Mar 9 - jumped from .15mg

August 2017, 95% recovered, most nights 7-8 hrs sleep, waves here and there, tinnitus still but improving