How can we be expected to be okay

[[ka...]]

I don't know. These mental symptoms get so severe, that I'm a completely different person,  with completely different thoughts and wants and desires. I've been totally hijacked. Like Peeta in the Hunger Games. I do not know how any of us survive this, except for the grace of God. I will help any of you that need to talk. I pray for us all.

[[vi...]]

I am so far from ok.

 

I can't even imagine been "ok" again.

 

Recovery mode I know, but it's just crazy.

 

Life feels "fake"

[[Gr...]]

I don't even look like the person I was when I got here.  And by got here, I'm not even sure what I mean!!!  It FEELS like I was in my life and body, left, and came back later.  Now is later.  I know that isn't true and not what happened, logically, but that is how it feels. 

[[ka...]]

Anybody else feel horrified by the prospect of continuing to fight? I feel so utterly trapped.

[[Ma...]]

I had a moment like that on my birthday (Sept 5). I just felt like this experience is too constant, too severe, so many symptoms. How can I keep fighting. I'm learning that a key is resilience, to really take each new day like a battle in a war. And every battle is a little different.

 

 

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

— JAPANESE PROVERB

[[Ne...]]

It's sad to look at pictures or think about things from last year. I was in a small group through my church, was able to work in the bookstore at church and the nursery and loved it. I loved going to Target at night and just look around. Now, I avoid all of my friends and family, rush in and out of the store or send my husband there. I have to acknowledge that I've made progress but it's so hard waking up everyday and feeling like you said that I don't even know who I am anymore.

[[ka...]]

I mean seriously. I'm fighting for my actual life every single day. We all are. And I'm in a very dicey depersonalized intense anxiety state that gives me the absolute CONSTANT NEED to escape. Which we all know is dangerous. There's nothing safe about benzo withdrawal. Anybody else?

[[...]]

Don't give up. I'm two years out; it keeps getting better. NEVER GIVE UP.