Mother of 4 & Cannot Function-Need Answers Please

[[Ho...]]

Hello Benzo Warriors,

 

I am a 40 year old mother of four young sons with no history of mental heath issues or any drug use. I believe benzos have thrown me into a hell that I could never have fathomed, including leading me to a psych hospital. I hope someone can help me.

 

HISTORY

 

Last year I became pregnant with a baby boy who had Fetal Hydrops (fluid accumulation around lungs, heart and skin). He was given 0% chance to live and I delivered him half way through my pregnancy. During the last month of the pregnancy I began taking .5 to 1mg of ativan here and there to deal with the stress of appointments, birth etc. My doctor handed me 100 1mg ativan pills with no mention of anything.

 

August 2016 to November 2016 I took maybe 2 to 3 .5 to 1mg Ativan a week (once i took 2mg) plus GABA supplements. In between that time I experienced some panic attacks like I never have (i believe it was interdose withdrawal?).

 

December I had night sweats and then two days of sudden panic and nausea attacks (lasting only a few seconds) and then I literally woke up in a different state of being days later. It felt like I had drank 10 cups of coffee. I was jittery and panicky with constant anxiety 24/7. I thought maybe I was having postpartum anxiety but I have never felt this type of chemical anxiety before. I would wake every night out of my sleep with a pounding heart. Doctors thought maybe thyroid problem but was not.

 

This went on from Jan to March. I would open my eye in the morning and say "im in a nightmare". I had depersonalization all day and night for three months plus a constant jittery panicky feeling and hard time catching my breath.

 

Now is when things get complicated. I began taking VALERIAN, PASSIONFLOWER, KAVA KAVA and GABA in massive doses to help me through. I also took an ativan maybe every two weeks. After three months in APRIL I began slowly feeling better and I thought I was healed. I got off all the supplements CT.

 

On May 1st I was doing yoga when suddenly my heart fluttered and just like that I was "off" again with depersonalization and a underlying panicky feeling. Two weeks later I became stressed thinking I was pregnant again (which triggered alot of anxiety) .

 

Between June and August I suddenly experienced a irrational insane amount of anxiety where my heart could not come down (was 130 at some points) and I literally stayed in a horrid state of panic and anxiety (not emotional anxiety but a physical anxiety) for 12 weeks (during this time I took ativan maybe once a week) including twitching, adrenaline surges, constant body buzzing and the worst part was the constant need to move and pace and rock and a horrible, uncomfortable nerve vibrations all through my body that led me to drive myself to the ER of our local psych hospital where  they put me on AD's and .25 klonopin to be able to even feel partially human. I kept telling them that I have a physical anxiety and many other patients noted I seemed to be in withdrawal.

 

The psych agreed that with all the GABA acting supplements I took plus ativan it could have down regulated my receptors.

 

Now that I have reinstated .25 klonopin the pacing and severe anxiety have died down a bit but I still cannot function. My nerves feel disgusting (dont know how else to describe it). I have a tapering plan of 10% weekly but I am scared of what is to come.

 

The questions I have for you:

 

Is it possible that 2 to 3 1mg ativan a week for 4 months could have wrecked such havoc to my CNS?

 

Could CT off Valerian, Gaba, PassionFlower and Kavakava have thrown me back into withdrawal?

 

The only other thing they could find is that I am in perimenopause? my cycles are lighter then usual but still regular.

 

My parents have been watching my kids for 1 month as I was in hospital for 2 week (pretty pointless) and I am desperate to feel better. I am now On AD's for past 5 weeks and do not want to stay on them very long.

 

God Bless you all and thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [Le...]]

Hello, Hopeinhim - welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I'm so sorry about your baby son, and for all of the stress you've suffered since.

 

It's always difficult to know what a combination of benzos and GABAnergic supplements will do to the central nervous system, especially when you're already under so much stress. However, it's certainly possible to experience the symptoms you're describing even from short term use of benzodiazepines. Please don't be afraid of what is to come - you'll be able to get a lot of help here on BB in planning a comfortable taper plan. 

 

I'm so glad you decided to join the forum - you'll find plenty of information and support here. Our members have gone through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal, so you'll be able to connect with others who understand what you're going through.

 

Here are a couple of links that may be a good starting place for you to post your questions.

 

  General Taper Plans

  Withdrawal Support

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature. This will allow members to see where you are in the process, so that they can better support you.

 

Looking forward to seeing you on the forum!

Leslie 

 

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative resource on what to expect during withdrawal and recovery. It provides a great deal of information that can be very reassuring during any stage of this process, including a list of common symptoms with helpful explanations.

 

For those who are currently tapering, a starting guideline is that the dosage not be reduced faster than by 5-10% every 10-14 days - some taper even more slowly than that. One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper somewhat faster.

[[st...]]

Hi Hopeinhim...Congrats! You have found the right place to start your road back to your old self   Find comfort that you are not alone and that you are not crazy...Many people find themselves here at the hands of doctors who gave them scripts for dangerous benzo's  without any warning of the potential dependence that can occur quickly. I too am one of the innocent victims who has never had any anxiety or panic/fears..etc  ..i was given some clonazepam for sleep after I had neck/spine surgery....3 weeks later I stopped and found very quickly the world of benzo withdrawals...

One thing I learned is that Benzo withdrawals mimic so many other ailments...If you find yourself looking for cause of a symptom...ask yourself If you had this symptom before benzo's....If the answer is no...then it's most likely one of the many benzo's withdrawal symptoms...looking for a cause of a symptom other than Benzo withdrawal will just add to your frustration...try your best to blame all the weird things that are happening on the benzo....lastly remember time is the best cure.....read the success story thread and It is the common theme/message ....buckle up...educate yourself...and let time heal you!... btw Ive been benzo free now for 3 weeks and each day I am getting better....we all heal! 

[[ja...]]

Hi Hopeinhim, So very sorry for all you are going through. These drugs are very strong. So surprising that a small pill can do this but it can. One of the most Important things I can tell you is I wouldn't mess with the antidepressant for awhile. I have seen many people over the years have worse problems trying to taper off both. I'm sure it can be done but I wouldn't do it until you are past the benzo w/d. I am not a doctor so I can't tell you what to do, I can only give you my opinion and what I have seen and been through myself.

 

I don't know much about the herbs you took but I think that now that you are taking a stable dose of K and an antidepressant you can get stable and do a slow taper from the K. Save the antidepressant for later. It's one day at a time and many have gone before you. You can do this and Benzo Buddies is IMO the best place you can be. I am here to help you if you need anything. Hang on you are going to be alright.

 

Love and hugs

Jackie :smitten:

 

 

[[Gr...]]

First off, I want to express my condolences on the loss of your son.  That's a horrible thing to happen to anyone.

 

Second, yes, it totally could have been the ativan and most likely it was.  All those symptoms sound like things that benzos cause. 

 

I also thought I had post-partum depression which turned out to be kindling and leftover withdrawal symptoms.  It turns out that post-partum depression is much more like depression than anxiety.  Also, I completely understand what you mean when you say that the panic/anxiety attacks are physical.  That's exactly how I felt on klonopin.  I always felt like my anxiety had a physical cause, and only now, do I finally know what it was.  The damn pills I was taking were giving me the anxiety. 

[[st...]]

Hi Hopeinhim... Here is a link to a great relaxing meditation video for people dealing with Benzo w/d...Many here have found that meditation can give you moments of peace...for me it was nice to know I had a place to go when things got bad....

 

[[mo...]]

 

As you can tell, by my profile name, I am a mommy of 4 as well. I am 18 months down the road. It has been more difficult with the fact I have 4 little human beings that depend on me, but I know I am doing the right thing, and I am doing it for them! There is purpose in our suffering, and that is to find joy again in our lives.

 

Welcome to benzo buddies, here you'll find lots of support and many people who can offer you words of wisdom in your weak moments.

 

Congrats on starting your journey! Feel free to message me anytime.

 

[[Ho...]]

Thank you so much for your replies . I have spoken with Baylissa (some of you probably know of her) and she said it is very possible that my issues are withdrawal. I wish I could believe it now so i can see a light at the end of the tunnel. When you are going through so much torture it is so hard if you dont know what is causing it and if it will end.