do you reinstate at 19 mo

[[kr...]]

on verge breaking up w bf. im sick. terrible anxiety. weak. do people reinstate in times like this? dont want to.. need help/advice

[[Ch...]]

Oh kris... read back over your post history...even I remember how difficult it was for you to withdraw from the K.  It's your decision, of course, but please factor the kindling issue in with your decision.

 

Kindling refers to the phenomenon of increasingly severe withdrawal symptoms, including an increased risk of seizures, that occurs as a result of repeated withdrawal from alcohol or other sedative–hypnotics with related modes of action. Ethanol (alcohol) has a very similar mechanism of tolerance and withdrawal to benzodiazepines, involving the GABAA receptors , NMDA receptors and AMPA receptors, but the majority of research into kindling has primarily focused on alcohol.[1] An intensification of anxiety and other psychological symptoms of alcohol withdrawal also occurs.[2]

~Wikipedia

[[ss...]]

Kind of in the same boat thought about reinstating. I am not going to do it. Experiment recently lorazepam it put me in a wave like 2 months out. It's like a permanent decision would fight through it. Read my last post I can't believe I got one benzo Buddies

[[kr...]]

i really dont want to...im just sick over this. i dont know how much is my fault being a complainer depressed etc even though ihe is sometimes really mean, i could make it better?

i think maybe i have relationship issues? im mental?

hes about over it after this long

sick, keep waking , nerves etc

If i dont have a job i cant make house paymt..

my younger sister thinks he is "abusive" w controlling etc and name calling etc...i dont know what to think feel im going crazy and really cant do anything for myself like he thinks

 

pls help me out..anyone else go thru somethin like this?  my confidence is shot. is it from him?

 

Irma is a part of this..he insisted the other day I go with him to fl, (he works there winters) throw cats in van vs driving down later..and i cant touch the rent income. option b is break up. NOW he might be stuck up here in tiny cabin w me for months...gotta wait out Irma i guess

[[Ho...]]

Praying for you. Sounds like a very rough situation but going back on benzos after your success is going to fling you back into having to withdraw and plus possible kindling will set you far back.  Do you really want to go back to that?

[[Fi...]]

Im so sorry everything is so horrible right now for you.  But based on everyone else's experience you have some so far and fought so hard, it would be horrible to have to go through a worse taper with more pain and wait even longer for healing to begin again. I hope you find strength to keep moving forward. Sending you a big hug kris

[[St...]]

Don't do it.  It wont fix the issue.  Push through.  You can do it.

[[kr...]]

thanks buddies its just so hard sometimes with certain triggers where i "needed" help ...w klonopin.

[Guest [sa...]]

Well, the choice is yours, but if you can't deal with your problems without relying on drugs then you'll never recover. 

Like others have said, reinsating won't make you feel better, just different, like, you'll initially feel a lot of pleasure yet at the same time, you'll make yourself more vulnerable to pain, dysphoria. It's prefferable to have a balanced CNS, than a sensible one.

[[Ma...]]

Why going back a road that wasn't nice. you have come so far - this shows how brave and strong you really are!!!

I know how bad problems in relationships hit you when you are "off drugs" - but this is exactly the situation that shows you how far you have come and how far you want to come. If you go back on your benzo, wouldn't you hit the brave person you were through withdrawal and after it, in the face? I think reinstating after being 19 months off won't help at all. Physically I think you will be in tolerance soon. The hope to cope and function better is a lie. And emotionally it wouldn't be better. The "people" around you will tell you, you are weak. You would probably think the same.

Its your choice and I never judge,- but for your problems, this is not the solution.

And - yep - that trigger "i need K NOW" will last as long as you have trained your system other strategies and this takes years. 

No matter how you decide - be honest while doing it. There is no quick fix for problems. And a pill isnt a fix for any problem.

 

And - last words, then I stop, promise - you can build your self-confidence up, in "private". Start to think about whats good instead of what is weak or bad. Every person on that earth is lovable, so start to love yourself. Train yourself not to judge yourself all the time and adopt the things other people tell you. The first thing I discovered when I started to love myself was "I am a good person, I don't want to harm others".

If no one loves you the right way, the way you deserve it and the way your soul starts singing, - you better start to love yourself no matter what right now..

 

Hug!!

[[be...]]

Consider that you reinstating won't make your bf not be an ass. Also, when you reinstate it will never feel great. It will be off a little and a much harder road later. Stay...bite the bullet

[[Ch...]]

How're you doing, kris?  I have to agree with savinghope2 that it's important to start using other coping strategies... or bernerd1... about the bf... Ann Landers always used to say if life is better without him than with him...time to say good-bye.

 

Single is pretty nice, too. 

[[ca...]]

If you want to get better, going back is not an option. If you are in a bad relationship this adds to the difficulty of healing. It's a tremendous battle that we face. 19 months is a giant leap in the right direction. To go back even for a day or two would undo what you have accomplished. It does get better but you have to be prepared for those seeming set backs. For example, I had a dentist appointment and had some tests done on a tooth to see if I  needed a root canal. The good news is that I  don't.  The bad news is that going through this got my neurons out of wack and for almost a week I felt like I had gone backwards. Good news is that the last couple of days have been much better. Expect this sort of thing to happen for a while. Its easy to get discouraged.  Try to focus on you for now. If this guy cared for you, he wouldn't have added to your suffering. Also, don't be blaming yourself. There is enough blame to go around. You have to take care of You!

[[kr...]]

wow thanks for more replies buddies...i am still K free but i have resorted to kava tea, holy basil, etc Im having the worst time w sleep and stress emot and physc. Im not in a place where I feel confident about leaving the bf. I thnk at times that its my fault hes gotten so mean. 

Good to see i have friends here

[[so...]]

Kris,

 

You are sick.  Do you really want to be with someone who gets mean when you get sick?  I know this is hard on your bf, but if he really cares about helping you, he will log in to BB and join the caregivers' support thread.  Baylissa Fredericks has excellent info for caregivers too.

 

There are other ways of dealing with frustration than being mean to the person you love who is ill.  Getting more information about what your loved one is going through should be his first step.  Putting his arm around you and telling you you'll be okay is the second step.  There are lots of positive ways to deal with difficult times.  Negative behavior on top of a negative situation spells disaster.  You can't do this for your bf.  He has to do it himself.  You can't blame yourself for his behavior.  It is his.

 

Kris, please don't reinstate.  Don't you think we all would have done this if we looked around this forum and saw that reinstating worked?  Not only does it not work, the second time around it is worse.

 

Sofa

[[ke...]]

i really dont want to...im just sick over this. i dont know how much is my fault being a complainer depressed etc even though ihe is sometimes really mean, i could make it better?

i think maybe i have relationship issues? im mental?

hes about over it after this long

sick, keep waking , nerves etc

If i dont have a job i cant make house paymt..

my younger sister thinks he is "abusive" w controlling etc and name calling etc...i dont know what to think feel im going crazy and really cant do anything for myself like he thinks

 

pls help me out..anyone else go thru somethin like this?  my confidence is shot. is it from him?

 

Irma is a part of this..he insisted the other day I go with him to fl, (he works there winters) throw cats in van vs driving down later..and i cant touch the rent income. option b is break up. NOW he might be stuck up here in tiny cabin w me for months...gotta wait out Irma i guess

 

Reinstating a benzo after 19 months is a horrible idea. An AD would be far better imo