Any help appreciated

[[Ho...]]

I posted this same thing in my intro but I wanted to just let people know my story

 

Hey guys. I have had a chance to go over a couple stories and as messed up as it sounds I'm so relived I'm not alone.

 

I wanted to share a little bit about my story and am trying to find at least one person to help me through this!! I have not met a single person outside or in recovery who has made it past a heavy benzo detox.

 

I started taking benzos on top of pain killers and drinking about 4 years ago. I quit drinking and only took benzos and pain killer( 4 shoulder surgeries).

 

I then slowed way down on the pain killers and the last 2 years is when my benzo use took off. I am a drug addict and my doctor tried to taper me but i couldn't resist.

 

I was a klonipin user. The last 4 years i took any from 4-20 mgs a day and used xannax about 10 days of the month.

 

I went  to a rehab in texas and was put on anti seizure meds and given ativan for 2 days and then was pulled of cold turkey.  I literally  thought i was dieing and that i had woken up in hell. I was mentally and physically crippled for the first month. I could not walk without almost seizing and falling down because i was so dizzy.

 

My detox was HELLLLLLLL. After about 90 days i started feeling that maybe just maybe it would be okay. And then around 4 months i would have like 2 weeks of great time and then a WAVE would kick my butt.

 

The time is getting further and further in between. But I was feeling great for about the last month and then a week ago, like a ton of bricks i felt like day one of my detox. I feel like I'm depressed, going crazy, sweating so bad, back hurts, and also nightmares.

 

I just want to hear from somebody who is going  through this hell so I'm know I'm not absolutely insane and somebody who has made it out so i know it won't always be like this. Because if I'm stuck like this, whats the point in living?

 

 

thanks so much and i am so happy i found this website. 6.5 months clean, theres no way I'm going back, but geese does it get any better???

 

 

[[Re...]]

You're not alone! I'm 7 months off and still have symptoms. This is very normal as average benzo recovery time is 6-18 months. It's a great sign you are having windows. I am too. I don't ever feel "normal" even in windows but we will get there. The brain is the most complicated organ in the body. It makes sense after it's injured it takes a long time to heal. All the symptoms, windows and waves are proof of that! This post really helps me when I'm being crushed by a wave to remember the symptoms are signs of healing... http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0