6.5 Months Sober (First Post)

[[Ho...]]

Hey guys. I have had a chance to go over a couple stories and as messed up as it sounds I'm so relived I'm not alone.

 

I wanted to share a little bit about my story and am trying to find at least one person to help me through this!! I have not met a single person outside or in recovery who has made it past a heavy benzo detox.

 

I started taking benzos on top of pain killers and drinking about 4 years ago. I quit drinking and only took benzos and pain killer( 4 shoulder surgeries).

 

I then slowed way down on the pain killers and the last 2 years is when my benzo use took off. I am a drug addict and my doctor tried to taper me but i couldn't resist.

 

I was a klonipin user. The last 4 years i took any from 4-20 mgs a day and used xannax about 10 days of the month.

 

I went  to a rehab in texas and was put on anti seizure meds and given ativan for 2 days and then was pulled of cold turkey.  I literally  thought i was dieing and that i had woken up in hell. I was mentally and physically crippled for the first month. I could not walk without almost seizing and falling down because i was so dizzy.

 

My detox was HELLLLLLLL. After about 90 days i started feeling that maybe just maybe it would be okay. And then around 4 months i would have like 2 weeks of great time and then a WAVE would kick my butt.

 

The time is getting further and further in between. But I was feeling great for about the last month and then a week ago, like a ton of bricks i felt like day one of my detox. I feel like I'm depressed, going crazy, sweating so bad, back hurts, and also nightmares.

 

I just want to hear from somebody who is going  through this hell so I'm know I'm not absolutely insane and somebody who has made it out so i know it won't always be like this. Because if I'm stuck like this, whats the point in living?

 

 

thanks so much and i am so happy i found this website. 6.5 months clean, theres no way I'm going back, but geese does it get any better???

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread.

[[pi...]]

Hello Hockey17,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies! I'm so sorry you had to endure a detox, this method of withdrawing from benzos can be so very difficult.  We've had members who have been through detox so you'll find others who can sadly relate to your story.  I've also had shoulder surgeries, three of them, so I know understand how pain can be challenging to deal with.

 

Detox is not the recommended method to come off benzos, normally a slow taper is recommended.  But, you've been through it and now the recovery can begin.  The reemergence of symptoms is very common during withdrawal. These are called "waves" and just indicates that the central nervous system is still trying to recover. 

 

No you are not insane and yes it will get better. It may take some time though and we'll support you through the process.

 

I'll give you a link to the Cold Turkey, Detox and Rapid Withdrawal Board so you can communicate with others in the same situation as yourself.

 

I'll also give you a link to the Ashton Manual. Although it discusses tapering in detail it also give good information about the withdrawal process in general. The manual was written by Dr. Heather Ashton, an expert in the field.

 

Hang on, the ride might be bumpy for a while but things will ease up.  We're here to help so do ask questions.

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal 

 

The Ashton Manual

 

pianogirl 

[[Li...]]

Thats great

[[Te...]]

Wow.  Your symptoms are exactly like mine.  I'm now at 7 months off Klonopin after taking it for 10 years and taking 1mg twice a day (morning and night).  Just after 6 months, I felt like I was back at square one and have been trying to get out of it since then.  I'm slowly making progress or time is making progress and I'm just trying to take care of myself as best I can.  I use to run half marathons while on Klonopin and now can just take short walks and feel extra weak (lost 30lbs) just doing that.  I'm slowly regaining strength but just when I feel like things may be normal I get hit with a myriad of symptoms.  Your not alone and your post lets me know you and I are not crazy.  Thank you for your post.

[[mo...]]

Hockey17,

 

My story is VERY similar.  I was prescribed Xanax 15 years ago for PTSD, then I had trouble sleeping and Ambien started.  I was also drinking daily.  I had no clue the benzos and Ambien were causing all my problems.

 

I entered inpatient a year ago for what I thought was alcohol. Still had no clue.  Was "tapered" over 5 days and that was it!  Needless to say it was not a pretty picture I had a major wave last July (coincided with the anniversary of my daughter's death)  I felt worse than I did going cold turkey 6 months before.  It lasted a couple of weeks.  I still didn't know benzos could do this to us.  Just thought I had officially lost my mind.

 

Fast forward to today.  I have been off all benzos and Ambien for a year.  Feeling really good now.  I'm hoping that I wont experience another wave, but if I do I at least know now what it is.

 

Stay the course.  It is painful...but, it does get better.