A message of hope!!! My LIFE FORCE has returned and I am able to...

[[si...]]

UNDERSTAND METAPHYSICS!! I have no idea how long this will last, but if you look through my old posts, you will see I have been through absolute mother f•••cking wretchedness and hell.

 

So, I've had what I thought were windows, but in the past few days I've had mental energy like I haven't had in years, and I've suddenly, rabidly, been reading extraordinarily complex philosophy books––philosophy used to be my passion–-and I UNDERSTAND and can REMEMBER and even TALK about them.

 

I can't express what a miracle this is. I thought my brain was utterly broken. I thought I was dumb and frankly cannot even remember a time when I felt this sharp, so long have benzos held my intellect prisoner.

 

I wasn't even thinking about benzo withdrawal or benzobuddies because I've been manically (i mean, it feels manic in comparison) reading and writing but then I remembered how desperate I was for such messages just, oh, LAST WEEK, and I came back here.

 

So, if you are someone who is in despair over brain fog and cognitive dysfunction, I feel your pain, I understand the horror and see this as a message of hope. I'm at about nine months out and it's taken me this damn long to have a few days of mental energy and the ability to sit down and read Hegel's motherf•••cking Phenomenology and be able to...PAY ATTENTION!!!

 

I'm so happy too, it's like overflowing happiness -- quite frightening considering I've been in a mental straightjacket for nine months.

 

I'm by no means healed. I still have all sorts of physical symptoms and insomnia and bla bla bla but it's all doable right now because of this abrupt respite from debilitating cognitive dysfunction and utter shallowness of thought.

 

Here's to windows, my comrades. Let them come to us all and stay. And when we are suffering, remember we are strengthening a muscle we can't quite see yet. Some words from Simone Weil, who advocated the wisdom we receive from misery without consolation or end in sight:

 

"A TIME HAS TO BE GONE THROUGH W/O ANY REWARD, NATURAL OR SUPERNATURAL."

 

We are in that time.

 

XOOXOXOXo

 

siqgirl

 

 

[[Re...]]

Amazing news! Glad you're feeling smart again. I am one of the many who feels permanently impaired so this is great to hear. Thanks for sharing.

[[Ma...]]

Beautiful message, and thank you for sharing it. I have had glimmers of this at times, but am currently in the straight jacket, so it is hard to imagine. And Hegel...wow. I have trouble parsing a single Hegelian sentence. May your window stay open, and thank you for imparting hope.

[[st...]]

UNDERSTAND METAPHYSICS!! I have no idea how long this will last, but if you look through my old posts, you will see I have been through absolute mother f•••cking wretchedness and hell.

 

So, I've had what I thought were windows, but in the past few days I've had mental energy like I haven't had in years, and I've suddenly, rabidly, been reading extraordinarily complex philosophy books––philosophy used to be my passion–-and I UNDERSTAND and can REMEMBER and even TALK about them.

 

I can't express what a miracle this is. I thought my brain was utterly broken. I thought I was dumb and frankly cannot even remember a time when I felt this sharp, so long have benzos held my intellect prisoner.

 

I wasn't even thinking about benzo withdrawal or benzobuddies because I've been manically (i mean, it feels manic in comparison) reading and writing but then I remembered how desperate I was for such messages just, oh, LAST WEEK, and I came back here.

 

So, if you are someone who is in despair over brain fog and cognitive dysfunction, I feel your pain, I understand the horror and see this as a message of hope. I'm at about nine months out and it's taken me this damn long to have a few days of mental energy and the ability to sit down and read Hegel's motherf•••cking Phenomenology and be able to...PAY ATTENTION!!!

 

I'm so happy too, it's like overflowing happiness -- quite frightening considering I've been in a mental straightjacket for nine months.

 

I'm by no means healed. I still have all sorts of physical symptoms and insomnia and bla bla bla but it's all doable right now because of this abrupt respite from debilitating cognitive dysfunction and utter shallowness of thought.

 

Here's to windows, my comrades. Let them come to us all and stay. And when we are suffering, remember we are strengthening a muscle we can't quite see yet. Some words from Simone Weil, who advocated the wisdom we receive from misery without consolation or end in sight:

 

"A TIME HAS TO BE GONE THROUGH W/O ANY REWARD, NATURAL OR SUPERNATURAL."

 

We are in that time.

 

XOOXOXOXo

 

siqgirl

 

Thats wonderful news! I'm so happy for you   Yes when mental fog clears it's like seeing an old friend again... I often cry tears of joy knowing that my brain is healing... Oh how we all miss our old selves...

[[Vi...]]

I love your message siqgirl!!! Congratulations for you and I'm so happy to see when other worriers reaching some huge milestone.

Wishing you continue healing until you find your happy life back.

love and healing

Vica

[[Ro...]]

I am so happy for you.  What a blessing to get that back!

[[Gr...]]

This is great news.  I often fear I my brain will be incapable of doing fancy mathematics again.

[[Bu...]]

I'm so glad you are able to enjoy reading philosophy again and are feeling such happiness!  Healing is happening for sure.  Thank-you for sharing your experience   

[[Re...]]

Outstanding!

 

I often ruminate over the teleological suspension of the ethical, given my benzo agony and religious upbringing!!!!

 

In any case, I'm so glad for the reemergence of clarity that you've been experiencing.

 

-RST 

[[Kr...]]

Fabulous news -  I had a breakthrough a month ago when I was able to pick up a book and understand and enjoy it, where I couldn't get through the first paragraph a year ago.  Physical symptoms still happening, but not all of the time, and the healing 'appears' to be happening at a recognisable rate (whereas previously the windows were shorter and I often thought I imagined them).  Sleeping 5 out of 7 nights well, and the others are still directly in correlation to my digestion which is still iffy.      It's wonderful to see some healing happening where we thought there'd be none!! YAY

[[Kr...]]

Beautiful!  Thank you for your post.  I love it that happiness is overflowing for you.  I'm sure there are many lessons in all this misery, like you mention, and one is recognizing how lovely it is to feel happy.  That feeling can be so foreign at times during withdrawal.  Thank you for your message of hope!!  Keep on healing and embracing those positive feelings.