Battling tapering vs. a medical rapid taper in my head

[[Tw...]]

Been tapering a while and just really over it. I've gone slow and am still having the full range of symptoms and I'm really just wondering if I should rip off the band aid at 9.5mgs of Valium and ride or die or hold for god knows how long to stabilize and slowly dwindle down both my meds and myself. I'm basically unemployable, living with my grand parents, physically falling apart (weight and hair bye bye) and mentally riding that fine line between sanity and screw it all. I'm sure I can hold and taper slower but I'm at the point where this is miserable at a slow pace. I can't fathom long holds at this point in the game. Going to see my pdoc Tuesday and ask him his opinion. My quality of life hasn't been well for a while so who knows anymore? I'm beyond confused if its paradoxical or holding is the key with a slower taper.

[[me...]]

I suggest that you continue to taper, and perhaps even speed your taper up a little if you feel it's too slow.  However, I do not recommend detoxing in a hospital due to my own experience.  Please note that many others here have had similar, or even WORSE experiences than mine:

 

I'm not posting this to scare you, but I feel it's very important you know what a typical benzo "detox" is actually like, and what it can lead to.

 

"Detox" is designed for alcohol and certain street drugs, which, though they may have severe symptoms for a short time, last only a slight fraction of the time benzo withdrawal can last.  And, this has nothing to do with the drug being out of your body.  Benzos produce profound changes in brain chemistry which can take months, or in rare cases longer than that to return to normal.  Anyway, here's my experience with "detox," and it's a common one which will be echoed by many members here:

 

I went to one of the best hospitals in Seattle, a city with top notch medical facilities almost everywhere you look.  I was told the doctor was an expert at benzodiazepine withdrawal. My primary doctor, who I trusted at the time, told me all this,  and she obviously believed it and thought she was helping me.  It was 2009, before I knew anything about tapering, and it was a voluntary situation.

 

When I got there, I found myself the only benzo withdrawer  on  a floor full of alcoholics.  I saw nurses, etc, but no doctor.  They c/t'd me off 5 mgs. of xanax immediately, as soon as I walked in. I didn't see the doctor for two days,  and then for only a few minutes.  He didn't discuss benzo withdrawal with me at all.  I just laid in bed alone, and they rolled a cart in to monitor my blood pressure every few hours (it's naturally high.)  That was the extent of the "treatment."  There was no follow up care offered, no counseling, and I was sent home after 4 days with a prescriptions for neurontin (seizure prevention) and seroquel  (for sleep), which I took for a few months to help with my hellish symptoms.  All this cost me $16,000. The awful, non-stop symptoms didn't get any better, and were absolutely overwhelming, both mentally and physically.  After 3 months of non-stop hell and an unrelated health scare I couldn't stand it any longer, and I reinstated on xanax.  I didn't think I had any other choice.

 

The reason I'm  telling you these things is I want to help and perhaps prevent you from getting into a similar situation.  If you can, please taper - IMO even the worst taper is better than what I and many others went through after detox. If you still want to go to detox, be very cautious. Please ask pointed questions before you sign up, and don't automatically believe everything they tell you.  Detox  is a money making business after all and it is very expensive, especially here in the U.S.

 

[[Do...]]

If the withdrawal symptoms are severe and you want off sooner, you could consider speeding up your taper.  However, I would NOT do a detox or cold turkey.  It does not in any way make your symptoms any "less", and often, people who do this end up in protracted withdrawal, still suffering major issues 18 months or more after their last dose.  If it were me and I felt I wouldn't get better until the medication was out of my system, I think I would cut 1mg a week and try to deal with it, but I certainly wouldn't cold turkey.

[[be...]]

I had a similar experience as Megan but I was ripped off 13 mg of Xanax plus 40 mg of Paxil. I have been tapering my Valium, by four mg a month and I believe it has caught up with me and I am so fatigued now I can barely get off the couch. I now feel worthless and lazy. At 20 mg from 70. What you do is up to you, but I could never imagine stopping at the dose you are considering, myself. Just my 2 cents, from lots of experience. Please listen to your body. I think I forgot to watch my own.

[[Tw...]]

I know your all right. I'm just at a point where I'm becoming quite depressed bc of the intensity and duration of this taper. I also had been benzo free for 2 years and suffered horribly after a too fast 1 year long taper. I'm only 30 and half of my life has been spent battling this and I'm becoming less functional. The first taper was hard but not anything like what I'm dealing with now. I've worked until now and I'm struggling to find a job that I can do while tapering bc I become unstable at points. I just can't get off the Valium! I'm at a major roadblock and I'm afraid that this is too much for myself. You can say I'm young and the brain heals but I'm so so very tired. I lost my wife the first go around, this time I'm loosing myself and I'm not even off. I know if I go faster I'll fail, I know a detox would be in tolerable, I've done all of them. I've lost my friends, I have my grandparents and my dog and honestly, that's just not enough anymore. I'm not suicidal yet but if I really had the option to choose living like this for years longer or ending it, I would end it. It's warped me so badly that I don't believe in a recovery. 11 years of my short life have been battling these drugs. I'm burnt out in a bad way. I don't get relief from much besides surfing and now my fatigue and muscular problems are at the point where that's slowly fading. I told my family the day I can't surf anymore is the day I stop living and I'm coming close to it. That might sound rash or vain but I've lost everything to these drugs and my body won't let me be free of them. I'm in a torture chamber that won't give up. Benzos are beating me right now and I honestly am hoping they just take me out for good.

[[be...]]

It may seems like a life time for you and I get that. But from your Sig I can tell you have been tapering for 18 months. I've been tapering for nearly five years, but I hope I will not get heavy duty post w/d by going slowly. I suspect if I dropped from 9.5 mg of Valium I would be in very rough shape for a long time. So its either get off it quickly and perhaps suffer for a long time, or continue to go slowly and perhaps recover quickly. Column A Column B.

[[Tw...]]

Your right this time it's been 18 months. Last time was a year, before that was a c/t, then a few fast ones in the mix too. I just can't figure out if slow is helping and obviously if it is I'm not going slow enough. I'm so torn in my mind. I've gone up, held, gone fast. I'm confused and all I can fathom is that I won't feel better. This slower option has had times where it's been better but I wouldn't call it the fix. It's like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. My sense of purpose is non existent. For 11 years this has been an all consuming roller coaster. Thanks for talking with me and 5 years is a damn long taper thus far. Are you working through this?

[[be...]]

I get that no win no win situation.Yes I am sick to death of tapering but after 2 miserable and failed C/Ts I don't want to take a risk. I am lucky that I am early retired though I do take on assignments when friends ask me to. Other than that just having fun. So that is good and I don't even think about tapering anymore. I just go about my business. I threw my calendar out a long time ago. Bennie told me to do this and it really worked! I hope it works out one way or another. Same for me!!!

[Guest [Le...]]

I ended up in a rapid taper with a cold turkey ending.

 

The only reason that I took this route was because each dose of Ativan made me sicker. The minute I took it, I'd get instant heart-pounding and increased anxiety, the opposite of what Ativan used to do for me.

 

When I gave up and jumped, I had gotten down to 0.5mg of Ativan (equivalent Valium is 5mg). That was extremely rough, but I was glad to get off.

 

As Megan mentioned earlier in this thread, you could try speeding up your taper - the lower you can go before jumping, the better. I wouldn't jump at 9mg unless the dose made me sicker than not taking it. 

[[li...]]

I believe there is no such thing as a fast diazepam taper.

 

A bit similar to a fast clonazepam taper ...

 

The problem is, you've taken K for a very long time. And actually, a taper from a high dose actually destabilizes the brain ...(see dm123's thread in chewing the fat). You get all kinds of changes and adaptations.

 

How are your hormones ? If there are problems with that and it might be tweaked that might help ... Possibly other bloodwork.

 

The problem with diazepam is that it may take two months to get out of the body ... (!) Someone should adjust the Ashton manual for recommending switches to diazepam.

 

In theory one could do things like being put on anticonvulsants, Lyrica, gabapentin, phenobarbital etc. but risks and drawbacks ...

[[Tw...]]

I don't know what to do but all I can say is that I can't tolerate this way of life any more. It's not worth it. I'm laying in bed sweating and muscles twitching all over and I can't fathom and end to this. I don't know what my next step should be, I'm lost, don't trust myself or others to make that decision. On top of it all I'm sick with a sinus infection and double swimmers ear. Taking amoxicillin and non fluro ear drops. I've been having looping negative thoughts and had to take my dose early at 5:00am. I don't believe I'm strong enough to do this anymore and I'll be sure to tell my pdoc that today when I see him. Benzos won....I'm exhausted from this all.

[Guest [su...]]

Dont detox....It is a nightmare....I was so sick until my relapse and that saved my life..The relapse start to stablize after 8 week is on 15 mg Valium.

[[li...]]

What would you do about all the diazepam and desmethyldiazepam that has built up in your body ? It may take two months to get it all out.

[[be...]]

What would you do about all the diazepam and desmethyldiazepam that has built up in your body ? It may take two months to get it all out.

 

I'm waiting to see myself.