Any other US Military Vets Here?

[[Se...]]

I'm not sure how other countries treat their veterans, but I suspect that a lot of US Vets have fallen into the same trap as me.  Military service has a tendency to cause a lot of issues upon return to civilian life.  The VA is notorious for throwing drugs at the problem.  There are masses of opiate addicts, but I'm curious how bad the benzo problem is.

 

I feel that going through the VA could be a really effective way to affect change when it comes to benzo policy.  I personally feel that there is no responsible way to prescribe these drugs.  They serve a valuable purpose for emergency medical care--seizures, pre-surgery, panic attacks, etc., but one bottle prescribed for home use can turn anyone into a drug addict.  It ruined my life and I know I'm not the only one.

 

The VA is finally on the verge of accepting the medical value of cannabis.  I think it might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.  Vets are standing up and unanimously testifying that cannabis helps them, and the government is listening. I'd like to think that taking care of the men and women who go fight in the wars of the wealthy transcends political motivations.  To survive the military only to be handed a drug addiction that will tear your life apart feels so terribly unfair, and just like cannabis, a united stand will make people listen.  Public opinion demands that politicians listen when vets talk.

 

I've lost so many friends to suicide.  I stopped using facebook because every few months, I'd find out someone else decided to end it.  I don't know exactly what's happening, but  I'm certain the current medical protocol is not working.  SSRIs, benzos, sleeping pills...these things that supposedly "rebalance your brain" and yet there sees to be a positive correlation between suicide rates and the number of people on "mood stabilizing" drugs.

 

After I lost a good friend in the Navy to suicide, I knew that the insidious thought could one day come for me.  I decided that I needed a reminder to carry with me always.  I got my first two tattoos...two Latin phrases:  Fortis Cadere Cohere Non Potest and Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam.  They mean "A brave man may fall but he will never yield", and "I'll either find a way or I'll make one." 

 

Call me cheesy, but those tattoos saved my life.  I'll never forget standing in the mirror, not recognizing the man I saw, feeling empty and hopeless, trapped in a never-ending nightmare.  I was a broken man, so detached from the values I built my life around.  When I forced myself to remember...remember why I could never give up in life, remember that suicide is the only way to transfer my pain to every single person who loves me...a fire was lit inside me.  When I lost my dog, I was devastated.  I was 14 days sober...still on the brink of insanity.  I swear to God that the universe has thrown everything it could, pushing me to tap out. 

 

Anyhow, as veterans, we have an intrinsic desire to protect people.  I need to find a way to protect people from the hell I've been through.  The thought of anyone else experiencing it is maddening.  The "PTSD" I got in the military doesn't hold a candle to the trauma of benzo withdrawal.  If there's anyone out there who feels similarly, who wants to actually do something about what happened to them, please let me know.  I need to find a way to make the hell I experienced worth something.  Whether it's through policy, education, or treatment, there are so many people out there who need help with this.  The sick part is the nature of the withdrawal, the isolation...the fear, it makes it so hard to get out and get help.  No one knows about this, and they should.  Doctors don't know the hell they're really prescribing, and they should.  I can write letters, post on forums, etc., but it's not enough.  I need to do more.  If anyone knows of a way, I'm standing by to help. 

 

Anyone still in the throws of misery, hang in there.  It can seem like an unwinnable fight, but I promise it's not.  It's just a pill...a pill that corrupts your mind, body, and soul.  There's only one way out of hell, and that's through the fire.  If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. 

 

 

 

[[Se...]]

Oh BTW, I know that's it can be concerning hearing someone discuss suicide.  I'm no longer anywhere near there and will never be again.  I just needed to express how trying this experience can be and why I'm so passionate about finding a way to prevent others from going through what I have.

[[Fi...]]

I'm really not on here and engaging anymore, but I had to write that I hear you loud and clear.  I've been so worried about all the vets and the suicide rate.  So frustrating that the articles--even the New York Times--never mention the drug issue.  I wrote to them but to no avail.  I feel like a lone voice, crying in the wilderness.  I want them to know that you don't have to see combat--these drugs can make you suicidal all on their own.  It's a comfort to me that somebody out there like you gets it.  I'm so sorry you've lost so many buddies over this.  You can check my success story.  I won't be posting on this again.