Super scared (of the future)

[[ka...]]

Hey guys I'm six weeks post taper. I'm not sure if it's dp/dr or severe depression or anxiety or all three, but for some reason thinking about having to still be thinking and doing and existing for many more years scares the crap out of me. I feel like I don't want to. Which is bananas I have every reason to live. Anyone else?

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from the title of this thread.

Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)

[Guest [Le...]]

Hi Kat,

 

Lots of us feel as though we suddenly have no future at all - it's one of those very cruel and puzzling symptoms that pop up during benzo use, withdrawal and recovery. One day that belief suddenly goes away, all things seem possible again, and joy returns.

 

In the meantime, if you really feel that you're in imminent danger, please get on-the-ground help right away. We care about your well-being, but as a worldwide Internet forum, we do not have the means to assist, beyond offering help-links.

 

  Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)

 

Take care!

Leslie 

[[ka...]]

No see that's the weird thing, it's not that I think I'm in imminent danger. And I have a great support team watching me. It's that the thought of continuing to "be" think exist or whatever for x amount of years scares me stupid.  It makes me feel like it's something I don't want. Which doesn't make sense.

[Guest [Le...]]

No see that's the weird thing, it's not that I think I'm in imminent danger. And I have a great support team watching me. It's that the thought of continuing to "be" think exist or whatever for x amount of years scares me stupid.  It makes me feel like it's something I don't want. Which doesn't make sense.

 

Yeah, I know that feeling all too well - it only left recently, too.

 

About a month ago I was staring at all of the beautiful blankets I crocheted in the past few years, and I was puzzled about why I even made them. I just wanted to give them away because it made no sense that I had ever thought there was a purpose to anything as optional as the creation of something lovely.

 

Everything familiar and comforting to me once seemed alien and without purpose. It's hard to cope with things when life seems so pointless. I couldn't actually comprehend the point of being alive - it just seemed stupid and meaningless.

 

All I can tell you is that order will return to your mind, and purpose will sneak up on you when you least expect it - it doesn't seem possible now, but it will happen as your brain fixes itself, I promise.

 

[[pu...]]

I was terrified of the future earlier in withdrawal.

 

 

Now I am not so scared. Actually, when I've felt better or I'm in a window, I'm excited for the future.

 

 

This fear will fade and you won't even remember it.

 

 

Keep up the good work we will heal. 

[[Ca...]]

It is terrifying - this wretched stuff seems to dash every sense of meaning in life you could experience, just to leave you with the mere state of existence and little else - at least in my case. For sure, I've had many days of doubts of getting to the next day. Yet here I am still, into 13 mo. now. Just starting now to see flickers of light at the end of that long dark tunnel. Please take care -

[[Ho...]]

I know exactly what you are talking about...it is like an existential fear, a panic about "being". I had and have those kind of thoughts that create panic. They are from the brain state you are in. It will fade. Try not to pay attention to it. I remember having one of those related to the thought about cooking for my kids for the next years...it was a thought that i could not explain to anyone. it just came with a panic that didnt make sense.

 

[[sq...]]

This is a really interesting and relevant thread.  I'm just shy of 13 months off of BZDs after a rapid detox (and preceeded by an almost 20 year dependence).  The fear of the future/almost panicky sensation I've been attributing to having retired 2 years ago and really feeling adrift as to life purpose and "the next step".  At no point has there been any consideration that this could be part of W/D but after having experienced so many of the physical and psychological sx people describe on BB, why not?  At this stage in the healing process it's really important to keep working on life skills to handle anxiety and learning how to not beat up on myself so much for not having a clear course for the next few decades of my life.  Little did I know that getting off this class of drugs would turn out to be the start of a very long overdue overhaul of my thought processes and approach to living.  BZDs were my crutch and a successful way to avoid some of the stresses of life and living (but also a lot that went along with work in the medical field...). Depending on ones spiritual beliefs it can be a time to really understand that a Higher Power has "got this" and things will evolve at the pace and in the direction they were intended. We're all in this boat together heading in the direction of healing and a better quality of life than we've experienced before!