Feel like there is no end in sight, really need some encouragement.

[[Mu...]]

Today is one of those days where I feel like this is just my life now. That I will never heal, or get my life back. As soon as I think a symptom is gone, it returns. If it's not one thing it's always another. Up, down, up, down. I want to get off the effin roller coaster now.

 

Today is my wedding anniversary. I want to feel connected and happy. I am so sad that this has happened. I am coming up on four months off benzos, 3 months off all meds and I just don't know how I'm gonna get through this. My mind is always consumed with it. I hate this heightened sense of existence. I hate being trapped inside my head all the time. I hate not being able to find meaning in anything. I am really scared that this is just it for me. I had so many dreams for my family.

[[Mu...]]

Please. I am not in a good place today.

[[Mu...]]

Kids are playing, and I'm sitting on the stairs ugly crying. I miss my life. I am sorry. I just don't have anyone who understands. Everyone tries to be supportive, but no one can really understand this unless they've experienced it.

[[ka...]]

Hey. Go on ahead and cry. Tell me about your symptoms. What are you experiencing today?

[[al...]]

I know how you feel, but it's probably still too early... just like for me.. can't find a piece. I had great windows 2 weeks ago for some 2 days and everything went down since then.

We will all recover, but it's hard to say when.

[[va...]]

So sorry you are struggling. I can relate. It's so hard to move forward with these symptoms. We are all healing! It just doesn't feel like it.

 

The success stories always give me encouragement.

 

Hang in there!

[[ja...]]

This is my second time around so trust me you will get better. The first time I tapered 40 mg Valium over a 2 year period and I got better. I was on benzo's for 20 years so I assure you that it gets better. It feels like you will never make it through. The things that helped me before and are helping me now is keep busy and remember know one knows what you feel like because you look normal. Make things with your kids, cook, bake whatever but stay busy. Try not to think about what could have been or what should have but accept where you are and go forward. And please do cry. I'm not kidding I never have cried so much in my life like I did the first time I tapered. I c/t this time but I also know what to expect this time. Healing is happening, slow but soon you will be living life again as usual. Keep the faith!

 

PS: Happy Anniversary!!! Try to make it special even in the storm. :smitten:

 

Love and hugs

Jackie :smitten:

[[pi...]]

Muddlefoot  ,

 

I know just how hard this is.... right now. You were on so many medications and are early off all of them.  There were so many holidays, celebrations, occasions that I missed during withdrawal and recovery.  There was no way I could celebrate anything, except for the fact that I was benzo free and that I felt was an accomplishment.

 

When I was at your point it was all about getting through the days.  It is difficult with those of you with children, but now is the time to take care of yourself. What you are feeling is temporary!!!  While we can not regain the time lost during withdrawal, I can attest to the fact that holidays and celebrations are much sweeter now. I appreciate them much more than I ever did prior to benzos.

 

You'll get there. Find ways to distract from how you feel. Believe in your healing and know that what you are going through is normal for withdrawal.  It will get better, much better.

 

pianogirl 

[[iv...]]

It's okay to cry, Muddlefoot! This whole situation sucks. Everyone here understands and is going through some form of the same thing. Just know we're all here for you. 

[[He...]]

accept it. And it will get better.

[[HO...]]

I'm going through the same thing sobsick!