Road out of hell: Klonopin/lithium

[[Ra...]]

Hi everybody,

 

Im not very good at describing my situation, its been a very long unpredictable process. Forigive the typos Im doing this from my phone. I was given lithium antipsychotics and eventually rivotril also called klonopin.

I had a psychotic episode for unknown reasons at that age of 18 and was dogmatized in all psychiatric theory and I meant to believe things that today.make no sense at all for the purpose of taking my pills. I was classified as bipolar type 1. For the first 4 years nothing unusual happened I was fine with my medication. I eventually lost my capacity to sleep and the doctor sent me rivotril or as he called it a sleeping pill.

 

By the time I was 25 I became hypersensitive. Lithium and klonopin made me.very dull slow apathetic I developed metabolic syndrome my skin dried until I could not sleep. I developed strong memory loss and a hard time to think clearly. My doctor said that was part of being bipolar...

 

I noticed I became dead like and dumb and felt depression 5.mins after lithium taking. I became rebellious about this and demanded different medcations which only complicated my sitiation. Many times I had psychosis weeks after the change. I was labeled mental cripple by my own family. I lost an interest to succeed and live and pushforward. I was too medicated to see myself. I was uninformed. I eventually did investigate and ran into famous activists and psycoatrists and followed them, resulted in groups online, met some people that have joined.my journey to taper together.

 

It was only months ago I left home and it was an unconscious urge.to taper. I tapered rivotril by half..many months ago, from 2 mgs to 1 mg. Nothing happened so I simply.stuck.to.it. This was atleast 6 months ago. I decided to taper lithium around 3 months ago. I dont have detailed info of the process. I tapered lithium "slowly" but unguided and no experience and its only at this moment where for the last 30 days my life went upside down....I was told it was a.delayed withdrawal from lithium. Tremors, memory loss lapses, dispersonalization, twitching, extreme adhedonia, anxiety, a strong pressure like headache, sore eyes, extreme muscle loss, weigh loss, my hair started.to fall off, my sleep became irregular, I started to feel very weak. Before all of this I did.become.much more lucid.and chronic fatigue I ways had faded slightly away, people close to me saw changes like I woke up from a spell. My memory and cognition improved, and my adhedonia decreased.a bit.  I was lucid enough to be very angry at my situation. I noticed things.I never cared about before. I could connect thoughts easily and talk much more.....there was a significant improvement altho this simply did not last long. I might of tapered too fast or simply had a.relapse which is common with lithium. Its the kind of relapse where some symptoms.appear then they become.more frequent...then eventually its both physical and phychological that is drowning you. I was "sick" sleepless prone to dispersonalized bizarre alien like states and allmy efforts.to.eat well seemed useless..I was still getting sick. I panicked and was adviced to up dose lithium and I did. All the symptoms simply stopped.

 

I had thought that perhaps the reactions would come.and eventially fade away but they only became worse. I was adviced to taper klonopin first instead and lithium or the remaining lithium after to help stabilize adverse reactions from klonopin withdrawal. To give my body a break and start over with reducing klonopin. As far as Ive witnessed in many groups klonopin is one of the most disabling and agonizing tapers there could ever exist. I have not started. But its do.or die and appear functional.to the world as.well.  I cannot halt my life like some.people because no one can know. I tried supplements the hard way I figured what might work for.you might mess someone else up. But I wont discuss that today. The only lifesaver when I saw mania spiraling was high doses.of l theanine, to sedate my body temporarily. Other than that I havent tried anything else that could soften the wild reactions of a taper. I am hypersensitive. I didnt know I was but as I tapered I became fragile to anything and highly excited by anything. It became a torment. What worries me the most is the feeling like I was eating myself with muscle wasting and weakness. If my body cant keep up in a healthy way I cant go.places. If my brain rises and drops like Im rapid cycling this too makes the taper a tormenting confusing dispersonalizing experience. I hope to meet someoene similar to my experience in both lithium.and benzo withdrawal. I love insight and understandnrhe why of things its the only thing that keeps me focused. Thank you

 

Edit: paragraphs added

 

[[me...]]

Welcome to the forum! We're glad  to have you as a new member.  You've been through quite a lot, and my heart goes out to you. 

 

You'll find lots of information and support here.  Our members have been through all aspects of withdrawal, and you're likely to find  people who understand what you're going through.

 

For those who are starting a new taper, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days at first, and then adjusting the taper rate to suit your own needs.  One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster.  Having some withdrawal symptoms is normal, especially near the end of a taper and for a few months after discontinuing the medication.  First/only withdrawals after a slow taper tend to be easier than multiple reinstatements/withdrawals over time, which may make symptoms worse and longer lasting. The most common symptoms are anxiety and insomnia, but there are many others. These are temporary and will go away in time.

 

Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Withdrawal Support Board

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. Section III explains and describes symptoms, and there is also a section with suggested taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[Re...]]

Hi RainbowDbc, I was also diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder and have had experiences with psychotic episodes coming off meds. I've been on a lot of meds including antipsychotis, lithium, antiepileptics, antidepressants and benzos. I'm am not currently taking any medication. You are welcome to send me a private message if you want to talk.

[[Ra...]]

I pmed you. New in this site. Not tech savy and a bit confused

[[Re...]]

I pmed you. New in this site. Not tech savy and a bit confused

 

It's ok. Might be able to help with that too.