Is holding to stabilize a mistake

[Guest [re...]]

I can't function. I'm so close to reinstating. I want to be off this junk by the end of the year but I can't  go on like this. Is holding to stabilize a mistake? I'm afraid I'll never stabilize and then what? Prolonging this agony seems crazy but I don't know what else to do. Thanks everyone.

 

[[Va...]]

Holding was a life saver for me.  --V

[[be...]]

Holding has allowed me to be functional. I am cutting once a month 5% over 10 days and holding for one month, it is going to take a long time, but our Brain needs tme to catch up to cuts. Pushing through for me first two times caused me a World of Hurt. 

[Guest [re...]]

Thank y'all! That's what I want, to be functional. If I can do this and function it would be amazing. I read stories on here from ppl who were on their med longer than me and tapered in 6 months. Seems they are superheroes bc I can't imagine.

[[Su...]]

Yup Redpeach,

I was originally thinking "I'll be off in four months."  Then that changed to "ill be off in a year."      and now I think I'll be lucky to be off in two years.    But those first four months were a hell that I won't repeat.  And two years will go by, probably faster if I'm not in a benzo hell everyday...  I was on this stuff for 18 years and that went by pretty quickly it seemed....

Slowing down has been the key and I'm trying my first real longish hold.....

SS

[Guest [re...]]

Yup Redpeach,

I was originally thinking "I'll be off in four months."  Then that changed to "ill be off in a year."      and now I think I'll be lucky to be off in two years.    But those first four months were a hell that I won't repeat.  And two years will go by, probably faster if I'm not in a benzo hell everyday...  I was on this stuff for 18 years and that went by pretty quickly it seemed....

Slowing down has been the key and I'm trying my first real longish hold.....

SS

 

Exactly what I've been trying to tell my stubborn, impatient, fried brain!! It's crazy how these drugs make you doubt your own REAL thoughts. I'm tired of trying to rush this. I wanted to be finished tapering by the end of the year because my only child (son) is getting married April 2019. I wanted to give my brain over a year to heal. But I can't do it. I cannot keep cutting. I hope I'm well enough to go to his wedding. I worry about that everyday. 18 years my goodness!! Congratulations on getting this far! Are you feeling ok? How functional are you at this stage? Thank you so much 

 

[[li...]]

I don't have a lot of experience with the taper process, but for me holding is an absolute necessity.  I already struggle to function on a day to day basis, additional cuts would render me unable to meet my obligations in life.

 

I'm in the same boat as you, my goal is to be completely off, or on a much smaller dose, by the end of the year.  The only reason I will not reinstate, even though it can be tempting, is that I feel it would undo all the progress I've made, and would just defer my suffering until a later date.  Now that I understand how tolerance works, I realize the only options are to temporarily be comfortable and fuel the problem, eventually having to take more and more medication to get an effect, or to take the hard route that ultimately will lead to freedom. 

 

I noticed you seemed to be making daily cuts.  I know they were small, and I really know nothing about how things work with valium, but you may want to try longer intervals between cuts.  I'm struggling myself, BUT I have noticed marked improvement while holding at my current level.  The longer I hold, the more the symptoms subside.  It's a double edged sword, since because of tolerance the benzo does nothing for my anxiety, so I've been having to learn new, non-pharmaceutical ways to cope. 

[[Su...]]

Yup Redpeach,

I was originally thinking "I'll be off in four months."  Then that changed to "ill be off in a year."      and now I think I'll be lucky to be off in two years.    But those first four months were a hell that I won't repeat.  And two years will go by, probably faster if I'm not in a benzo hell everyday...  I was on this stuff for 18 years and that went by pretty quickly it seemed....

Slowing down has been the key and I'm trying my first real longish hold.....

SS

 

Exactly what I've been trying to tell my stubborn, impatient, fried brain!! It's crazy how these drugs make you doubt your own REAL thoughts. I'm tired of trying to rush this. I wanted to be finished tapering by the end of the year because my only child (son) is getting married April 2019. I wanted to give my brain over a year to heal. But I can't do it. I cannot keep cutting. I hope I'm well enough to go to his wedding. I worry about that everyday. 18 years my goodness!! Congratulations on getting this far! Are you feeling ok? How functional are you at this stage? Thank you so much 

 

Well I know that every time I try to push myself even a smidgen faster, I pay for it with an increase in symptoms.  When my symptoms increase then I want to get off faster and round and around I go! Spinning out into symptoms and not being able to function very well....

 

When I slow down -- and remind myself constantly that my brain is healing as I taper and as I  hold - then I can function and have life...

I'm feeling good today!  And yesterday was pretty good too!  And I'm in a hold that I think is working as my CNS is healing...

 

That's one thing I think Ashton believed that needs to be readjusted:  There are many many examples of people healing as they get off this stuff, not going into an acute phase.... 

 

You can be very functional I'm guessing for the wedding by slowing down -- counterintuitive I know!

 

 

[[fe...]]

I think holding is a good idea once you feel more or less stable. That avoid agony from going fast. I have been only 3 months on 0.5mg of clonazepam, but I am going to take 4.5 months to be totally free, it is better slow and steady. But if you feel you are going too fast, stop...and hold or even up a bit your dose.