Where do I go from here?

[[Ma...]]

I took ativan on and off for one year. Never, ever more than 1 mg. Never, ever more than 2 in one week. I starting taking it in August- October 2016. I seriously only took a total of 12-16 mg. during this time (I had also taken it in 2013 for a couple of weeks, 2-3 mg).

 

In October started having panic attacks. From November-May I didn't really take anything. Maybe a total of 4-6 mg. I start having insomnia, nervous ticks, tingling/numbness and denationalization.

 

Long story short, I start freaking out not knowing what is happening to me. I do every test imaginable. I go to every doctor. I know that benzos are highly addictive so I tried not to take them during this whole time.

 

In June- July I end up taking a total of maybe 3-5 mg. to deal with all the crazy stuff happening to me. At this point I spiral out of control with fear and anxiety. I don't know what is happening to me and so I check myself into a psych ward. Of course, they offer me benzos. I have been here for 2 weeks, they have given me an ssri (paxil 30 mgs.). It's not working. I have taken a total of 1.5 klonopin since I've been here.

 

It's the only thing that helps but I think I am going through benzo withdrawal. NO ONE can help me with a taper because they say I took so little and so inconsistently so I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO? I NEED HELP PLEASE!!!

 

Can someone, anyone offer me some advice here?

 

Should I reinstate and taper or just stop cold turkey?

 

All the doctors tell me I can just take the klonopin here and there until ssri kicks in but I am to scared to take them.

 

Can I taper from taking them here and there?

 

Help, please. I feel tortured everyday!   

[Guest [ba...]]

Some people seem to get 'hooked' on benzos easier than others, so I guess it's possible that you're having some withdrawal symptoms.  I think it's also possible that you're thinking about things in a way that is causing you increased fear and anxiety.  When you pop a pill, you sedate the feelings, but you still think about things the same way.  That kind of thinking become a habit.  You create fear/anxiety, but cover it up with the pill. 

 

I think a useful approach may be to find a good therapist (not a drug-pushing psych) to help you deal/live with these fearful/anxious thoughts without resorting to the benzos.  Stop relying on the pills.  Focus on positive thoughts instead of pondering negative/fearful ones.

 

Seems like this pattern of starting/stopping the pills isn't working for you.  Consider finding a low dose (e.g. 0.25 mg) to take daily to stabilize.  Then do a nice slow taper coupled with some useful therapy to help you get through this health anxiety thing.

 

Just my thoughts.  I hope others chime in.

[[Ma...]]

Thank you for your reply. I feel like starting to take .25 everyday would be going backwards since I've never actually taken a benzo on a daily basis. Is there a way to taper prn? I was hoping more people would chime in with some help/information because I am really desperate right now.

 

Again, I really appreciate your response.

[Guest [ba...]]

Some people have tried to taper prn, but it doesn't usually work out.  One needs to break the dependency of reaching for a pill whenever they are having a challenging day.  If 0.25 seems like too much, try taking 0.125 mg a day.  You want to break the cycle of ups and downs that prn often creates.

 

Alternatively, since you can go for days without taking the pills,  you might choose to simply c/t.  If you do, you'll want to (responsibly) throw out your pills, so there is no temptation to reach for one if you have a challenging day.  You have to learn to get through those days on your own.

[[Ma...]]

Does this seem reasonable? Apparently I can get Klonopin in liquid form at a compound pharmacy.

 

(week 1 - stage 1)

.125 Morning

.125 Evening

(week 2 - stage 2)

.11 Morn.

.11 Eve.

(week 3 - stage 3)

.10 Morn.

.10 Eve.

(week 4 - stage 4)

.09 Morn.

.09 Eve.

(week 5 - stage 5)

.075 Morn.

.075 Eve.

(week 6 - stage 6)

.06 Morn.

.06 Eve.

(week 7 - stage 7)

.05 eve only

(week 8 - stage

.05 morn only

 

Thanks so much for your help!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [ba...]]

It looks reasonable.  Be sure to listen to your body to determine when to do those cuts.  I think it's OK to feel just a little bit anxious as it gives you an opportunity to learn to deal with it.  You don't want to become debilitated with anxiety/fear, so if you start feeling significantly fearful or anxious, slow down or suspend your taper (but try not to up-dose as that will set you back).