advice for someone addicted to 4 types of benzos and working out a taper

[[Ba...]]

Hi all,

 

I hope everyone here is OK and getting guidance and support.

 

I wont go into a lengthy mail but

 

7 years ago something in my life made me follishly start using oxycontin and Benzos. I tackled the issues 2-3 years ago.

 

The oxys were easy compared with benzos with the use of suboxone.

 

My doctor helped me taper down from above 80mg day to 4mg diazepam  twice in the last 3 to 4 years and i stuck at that for months. I got fit, thought id cracked it.

 

6 months ago and during a tough time I found diazepam. Thought o wont hurt to get a couple of strips to relax and start new job.

 

I suffer anxiety and depression on or off benzos, life is flat.

 

I was still a long way to go and needed to find the root. Work at it, I new it might take months/years.  Benzos do help, but only for a short while as we all know. Id forgotten the pain, anguish I had put on myself and others.

 

For 6 months now Ive been smashing a cocktail of slow release 2mg zanax, instant zanax. etizolam, so called street clonazepam and diazepam. I dont really now whats in the clonazepam or valium called msj.

 

The others are pharma from romania and india.

 

No idea really how much or of what ive been taking but id guess 8 tob10 tabs a day.

 

I lost my job.Its a high end. High pressure job. Understand why I lost it on the above amount of benzos and my type of work has always made me highly stressed.

 

Now I must get my life back. I will find a job that pays the bills and is less stressful.

 

Ive sat down with my wife and counted all the pills. Theres a lot!

 

Come up with a taper plan using the 4 different benzos

And taken around 10 to 20% of each one every 2 weeks.

 

In 2 months I will be down to maybe half of what I'm on now. There is sealed bag for every day. Not in the house! My wife is in charge bless her. I am going to make a 2 page scrap book with photos and pharses of the people I love, my rescue dogs everything I hold dear. I will also write up how bad the last detox was. Times spent in A&E due to drugs. Before I get an urge to take a single tablet more than I should I will read and think hard and remember the pain to myself and others. I will also add action plans. Go for a run, walk dogs, talk

 

If I still go and get them tablets! Ive lost and will feel extremely low.

 

Any advice that if I stick to this plan I will be able to taper off? Its so hard as I dont know which ones are stronger, the diazepam could contain a cheap alternative. It will not be easy.

 

But if im reduceding the same percentage on each?

 

The only other options I see before 6 months of crazy a use is

 

Put myself in rehab. Possibly loose my home I own.

 

Drop hard and fast over 1 to 2 weeks which is dangerous but I have someone here.

 

I am booked in to see a psychiatrist. My doc is still prescribing me 4mg a day and has for many months now. I would love to go and see him tell the truth but this would be the 3rd time. Last time I took a carrier back of internet crap full of ALL my benzos, somas, legal highs and asked for help.

 

He did but stated last time! I dont want to loose that small script. Last time when I tried to jump of that 4mg or go to 2 it was hell. The paws were dreadful.

 

I'm not sure what other options are open to me. I can see the light and a happy life ahead but the way benzos work after you stop. Im scared my brain my never repair itself and I will just exsist in this day to day flat state. I get no enjoyment from anything anymore. I used to love reading, sports lots of stuff.

 

Im also tapering off suboxone which in my view really isnt helping. Its blocking all my feel good receptors Im sure.

 

One thing at a time I guess. Can I ask you guys if I stick to my mix of benzo taper plans I will heading in a good direction. I will have to judge the times I take them as I have both short and long acting. Its messy I know.

 

Any advice, guidance at least to start to regulate what im taking. Balance out over 2 weeks on that. I may have to up slightly. Im hopeing I can decreaae! I can only simply guess at what ive been taking and how much and find my base level to work with.

 

Im scared to just take either the diazepam or clonazepam as i dont even really know what they have in them.

 

I dug myself a deep hole and and am trying to find the best way to claw out of it.

 

 

 

 

[[Ba...]]

"I wont go into lengthy mail" its an essay sincere apologies