A little confused by what people consider success

[[ca...]]

I'm  getting close to being off 3 years. I'm a lot better but can't say that I am healed. I see some that claim to be healed at 6 months and others that say they are not symptom free even 6 years out. I won't post a success story untill I  have at least a 6 month period where I  don't even give withdrawal a thought. I still can't  make plans without considering what symptoms will pop up and when.

 

This proccess has without a doubt impacted the quality of my life. To say otherwise would be lying and giving the wrong impression to those looking for answers.

 

I have learned to live with this but it doesn't mean that I feel better. I do have stretches of time that I feel good and  don't think about this healing process. This is an improvement from even a year ago. I am hopeful that I  can see a marked improvement this tim next year. This is what keeps me going.

 

I am very active and at 66 I  look and feel much younger. This is probably due to how I have taken care of myself throughout my life. I take some supplements, d, e, k, c, omega3, and coconut oil. I stopped multiple vitamins and herbal supplements shortly after I  began my withdrawal. I think that herbal supplements can cause a lot of issues that send people to the doctor only to have him prescribe a benzo to counter their side effects. This is my theory anyway!

 

Here is where I  am now! If not being on the floor shaking uncontrollably is a success, then yes I am there! If being able to have a conversation with someone without having moments of lightheadedness or shortness of breath or my jaws tighten, then no! I don't  leave the house without thinking that this will possibly happen sometime during my day.

 

I urge those that are looking for answers and comfort to not put too much importance on others experiences. It is is a good guideline but each of us will have our own timeline in this healing process. I promise that when I  consider myself healed, it will be 100% and not any less. 

[[lo...]]

Success is an individual thing, I guess.  I can't imagine I will ever regard myself as "fully recovered".  I am 4 years and 4 months off, age 63, still largely housebound, require a walking frame and wheelchair when out.  Difficulty walking.  Cognitive problems. Very limited ability to function.  I am hoping by this time next year I might be able to walk again without aids and my cognition will have improved.  I went to a swimming pool for the first time this week and it was lovely but my legs are very weak.  So if I can keep swimming I hope that will help.  I am not sure if I will ever write a success story ... what is success? ... for me, I really don't know. All I know is that it is a process that continues and is likely to continue and maybe that will always be the case.  Perhaps it doesn't matter if there is no end point.  We have to keep going anyway and be optimistic that it will get better.

 

Fiona 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

I don't think it is necessary to see full, unconditional healing to consider yourself a success but I would definitely caution against  being too quick to declare yourself "healed". Personally I will have to feel substantially healed for a long time, probably at least a year before I will be declaring anything.

[[Se...]]

For me, it's all relative.  When I finally got through acute withdrawal and knew I'd never be forced to reinstate, it was the biggest relief of my life.  Of course I'll be coping with it for years, but I can feel happiness again...I can relax.  I can wake up and enjoy a cup of coffee. I may not have won the war yet, but klonopins forces have been scattered to the countryside...now it's just a matter of hunting down the remnants and killing them. 

 

I think success is solely a personal thing, but the community should ensure people don't set themselves up for a huge fall.  Withdrawal certainly comes in waves and you might think you're in the clear when you're just getting a window.  I think after enough time though, we are in tuned with our gabs system and know whether were actually healing or just getting a brief window.  Just my 2 cents.

[[Go...]]

Thank you for posting this. I troll the success stories at least once a month looking for someone who has recovered after being sick for as long as I have. I am about 2 1/2 years valium free after being on a very low intermittent dose for about 2 years. I thought for sure I would heal by the first year or 18 months. And there were times when I did feel better and thought I was almost to the finish line, but then another nasty wave would hit. This last one has been going on for months now.  :'(

I have had loads of stress so I am sure this has something to do with it. That and I tried to introduce alcohol back in here and there.

 

[[Fl...]]

You can be a "success" without being healed. I think that is how we should look at it and what we should strive for.

[[Qu...]]

I may not have won the war yet, but klonopins forces have been scattered to the countryside...now it's just a matter of hunting down the remnants and killing them. 

 

 

I love that imagery 

[[Co...]]

You can be a "success" without being healed. I think that is how we should look at it and what we should strive for.

 

This is true.  I consider myself a success already, just for my commitment to getting off and staying off both benzos and antidepressants.  (Some may feel they need to stay on ADs.  That's very individual.  For me, I know I didn't need them, and any depression I have now is caused by withdrawal.)  Getting off Klonopin was a no-brainer for me.  Why stay addicted to a sleeping pill?  For me, the true success has been learning to practice acceptance and to try rise above the suffering. 

 

As far as posting to the Success Story thread - I'll consider myself 'healed enough,' when the mental symptoms are gone.  I can live with residual physical symptoms, for example, continuing numbness or tinnitus.  I don't expect to be 100% depression and anxiety free, or to have 100% perfect sleep every night.  I'm human.  But I'm definitely in tune with myself enough to know what's normal, and what's iatragenic. 

 

I think I'll wait six months or so of feeling healed before writing a Success Story - I think that's the responsible thing to do.  There's nothing more disheartening than to be in acute or in the early months and read someone's SS, only to find that they were just in a window and jumping the gun.   

[[Ph...]]

Success depends on what your goal is.  How high have you set the bar?  It varies.

[[Ma...]]

I am a person who gets happy achieving "success".

Therefore I decided to define as "success" every good moment, I could create by myself. For I am very sick very often, bed-ridden and other "stuff" - this has turned out a good idea. It has made me more peaceful and I love myself more then before.

Success for me is to smile when I have a day in bed full of pain.

A moment of peace looking at a flower.

That sounds philosophical or aloof, but I am a really pragmatic person.

Of course I also note "success", when I get money from my insurance back after a long discussion or when I manage to exercise.

But in the end, for me, my success doesn't come out of a comparison to other people and that is actually the greatest success I could ever achieve for me in my life.

 

 

Wishing you all a good, peaceful day!

Marigold

[[ne...]]

Marigold, what a beautiful, inspiring post! I need to write this down somewhere! 

[[Ma...]]

Marigold, what a beautiful, inspiring post! I need to write this down somewhere! 

 

thank you... I am flushing..

 

its not heroic - its just, I depend on so many people and things at the moment, and I cannot change all things that I  need to be happy or healthy or free.. I often feel like a tiger in a cage that must behave right in order to get food. We cannot change the big things, especially when we are weak and defeated. The worst thing I could do, and thats what I did for years - was to agree to be a victim and to blame myself for that. Thats okey, its a surviving strategy as well, but - no one can bring you down, when you are able to give yourself good moments, thats what I noticed. And so I started to train it. Thats all. I still feel like a victim very often and I am not able to live the life I need to be okey. Yet. not yet..

 

 

[[ne...]]

Marigold, I would argue that you are heroic, simply because you have gone through this very challenging life experience that is benzo withdrawal. But, more than that, there is much wisdom in your redefinition of success. When we can't control our circumstances, when we have no say over what is happening in our lives, we can at least change the narrative and find our happiness within. 

[[Ma...]]

Marigold, I would argue that you are heroic, simply because you have gone through this very challenging life experience that is benzo withdrawal. But, more than that, there is much wisdom in your redefinition of success. When we can't control our circumstances, when we have no say over what is happening in our lives, we can at least change the narrative and find our happiness within. 

 

well.. ok.. then

Then we all here are heroes

[[be...]]

Marigold:

 

Great post and you are a hero to me.

[[Ph...]]

I guess we should simplify it.  Success is you reach zero and stay there, permanently.  That's huge, and should be considered the only success we need.