My story, current symptoms, and a few questions!

[[Tu...]]

Hi there, I hope you are all seeing progress in the difficult struggle that we’re facing, and I have faith that we’ll all come out happier and stronger and more appreciative of life than we were before.

Here’s my story in a nutshell…

 

I was prescribed Clonazepam at the end of May 2016 for insomnia and anxiety. I took 1mg daily for a 3 month period, from June to August. My life settled down sometime in late August and I began to feel more in control, so I decided to stop taking the drug. Because I was only taking the Clonazepam for 3 months at a relatively low dose I didn’t even consider the possibility that I could have developed a dependency, and so I stopped cold turkey. This was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

 

The first few weeks after jumping were hell. I had terrible headaches, nausea, overwhelming confusion, insomnia, and many other symptoms that you all know too well. In short I was totally incapacitated. Things eventually began to improve, and these wave-like patterns emerged where I would feel wretched for a few weeks and then (relatively) ok for a brief window. These wave-like patterns have continued for the past 11 or so months, and although it seems like they are starting to subside both in intensity and frequency, it’s extremely frustrating thinking I’m close to being cured only to fall back into a bad stretch yet again.

At the 11.5 month mark, many of my symptoms have dissipated or disappeared entirely, but my 5 most debilitating/consistent symptoms remain. They are:

 

1)Terrible brain fog. This symptom seems to be the worst in the mornings and gradually improves as the day goes on. It’s difficult to describe, but it almost feels like there’s some sort of distorting barrier between myself and reality. As if I’m not directly involved in the world, but a step removed, viewing everything through a lens. As I mentioned, it seems to gradually clear as the day goes on, but even at my best I’m missing the vividness and clarity that I remember having pre-benzos.

 

2)Poor cognition. This ties in to the brain fog a little bit, but I see it as a separate symptom. I used to be quite intelligent and sharp, but now I feel like my brain is a step behind. From reading to studying to writing an exam, I’m not as focused or effective as I used to be. I struggle to absorb information, understand difficult concepts, and think creatively.

 

3) Poor short-term memory. This one kind of speaks for itself. The days all seem like a blur, and I struggle to recall what happened in my recent past.

 

4) Inability to communicate effectively. I read about a lot of people who are experiencing agoraphobia. This is not quite that…I have no problem going out into the world and putting myself into social situations, but once I’m talking to someone I really struggle to communicate. I often blank out and don’t know what to say. I used to be able to come up with witty or interesting things to say all the time, and now I struggle to hold a basic conversation. And it’s not just the content of what I actually say, it’s how I say it. It’s almost physically difficult to form smooth sentences, and I find myself really focusing to make sure things come out right. Social interactions have been extremely difficult and stressful for me. I was once a relatively smooth talker, and now I feel like everything I say comes across as awkward and forced.

 

5) No Libido whatsoever. I have almost no interest in sex anymore.

 

I still have a few other symptoms like intermittent sleep problems, fatigue, head tingling, and eye sensitivity, but these have become relatively minor. It’s the 5 symptoms I just described that have really seemed to cling on and not let go. I am gradually improving, but as I mentioned, the constant ups and downs are infuriating. But there’s only so much we can do.

 

I was wondering…have you guys experienced similar symptoms? My inability to communicate/socialize effectively concerns me the most, as I haven’t really come across this as a symptom of benzo withdrawal.

 

Another question…I’ve been taking a tricyclic antidepressant daily for about 14 years now. Could having this drug in my system possibly be slowing down my recovery process?

 

A few suggestions to those of you who are just entering the hell of benzo withdrawal…try to keep active as much as you can. I know it can be difficult, but try your best to exercise daily. This has been a life-saver for me. Eat healthy foods. Fruits, vegetables, nuts, lean meats, seeds, whole grains. Avoid anything packaged or processed if you can. Caffeine doesn’t seem to negatively impact me, but I realize that this is not the case for many people. If it makes you feel stressed or anxious, cut it out. Eliminate alcohol altogether. Drink lots of water. Meditate. Give yourself time. Be kind to everyone, including yourself. And most of all, stay positive. Think of all the blessings you have in your life. This is just a temporary phase; know that you will heal and that you will emerge from this horror. The rest of your life awaits you and it is going to be spectacular.

 

Thanks for reading my story and questions. I hope you are all having a (relatively) good day, and I hope you all see the other side of this terrible syndrome very soon.

 

[[in...]]

Hello I have exact the same symptoms and I was also a short time user (4months), I will be  soon 10 months off, it is a lot better but these fewe symptoms are really annoying...

We will heal..

[[Ma...]]

Sounds like you're doing well, turkeysoup. I think the difficulty communicating has to do with the nervous system impairments, and goes along with the "cog fog" you were describing in your first two symptoms. I am a teacher and it's quite a challenge for me to communicate clearly to my students now. Mindfulness helps. I find that if I slow down, take stock of the situation, breathe, and observe I am a little bit better with my words. Social interactions are particularly hard. I've taken to just listening more and trying to attend to the words that are being spoken (mindful listening). I don't say as much, and don't have to say as much. Much love!

[[Ni...]]

...

 

1)Terrible brain fog. This symptom seems to be the worst in the mornings and gradually improves as the day goes on. It’s difficult to describe, but it almost feels like there’s some sort of distorting barrier between myself and reality. As if I’m not directly involved in the world, but a step removed, viewing everything through a lens. As I mentioned, it seems to gradually clear as the day goes on, but even at my best I’m missing the vividness and clarity that I remember having pre-benzos.

 

2)Poor cognition. This ties in to the brain fog a little bit, but I see it as a separate symptom. I used to be quite intelligent and sharp, but now I feel like my brain is a step behind. From reading to studying to writing an exam, I’m not as focused or effective as I used to be. I struggle to absorb information, understand difficult concepts, and think creatively.

 

3) Poor short-term memory. This one kind of speaks for itself. The days all seem like a blur, and I struggle to recall what happened in my recent past.

 

4) Inability to communicate effectively. I read about a lot of people who are experiencing agoraphobia. This is not quite that…I have no problem going out into the world and putting myself into social situations, but once I’m talking to someone I really struggle to communicate. I often blank out and don’t know what to say. I used to be able to come up with witty or interesting things to say all the time, and now I struggle to hold a basic conversation. And it’s not just the content of what I actually say, it’s how I say it. It’s almost physically difficult to form smooth sentences, and I find myself really focusing to make sure things come out right. Social interactions have been extremely difficult and stressful for me. I was once a relatively smooth talker, and now I feel like everything I say comes across as awkward and forced.

 

5) No Libido whatsoever. I have almost no interest in sex anymore.

 

I still have a few other symptoms like intermittent sleep problems, fatigue, head tingling, and eye sensitivity, but these have become relatively minor. It’s the 5 symptoms I just described that have really seemed to cling on and not let go. I am gradually improving, but as I mentioned, the constant ups and downs are infuriating...

 

Yes to all of that.

 

I think brain-fog (and any spin-off from it) is mostly gut-related, in turn, tied in to the wake-sleep and sleep-wake thing; all of it sluggish and slow.

 

I agree also that 'poor cognition' also ties in with both, but that poor cognition is responsible also for disrupting your "flow" conversationally and otherwise.