My story: Xanax, Klonopin, Ambien, Heroin

[[we...]]

I'm typing this from my phone so sorry if it's scattered. This is the super condensed version of what happened.

I kept the opiate use parts to a minimum because this isn't the place, but I thought some were relevant.

 

My problems began at 18 years old with a severe Ambien addiction. I started out taking a normal amount, 10 mg a night, and fell in love. Eventually I got up to 60 mg, then just popped them all day every day. I would go to school and drive around like this too. When they quit doing anything about a year in, I quit cold turkey, throwing me into severe w/d. I didn't know what was going on and went to the ER three separate times thinking I was having a heart attack or something.

I eventually went on Klonopin after we determined they were panic attacks, however I only took it two or three times a week. This was also around the time I became addicted to intravenous heroin, which pretty much kept me occupied for 6 years.

I finally went on Suboxone after overdosing eight times and ruining my life. I moved across the country which helped immensely.

However, this is where I also was "blessed" with a crooked doctor. Me and about 5 of my friends would get Xanax off him. I was able to space it out enough to not become physically dependent for a short time. I also started taking Ambien again too.

In September of 2016, my best friend died. This is where everything went to hell. I had no control anymore. I isolated and didn't leave my house, or shower, or talk to anyone. I didn't think life had a point and I was trapped. By this time I got up to 16 mg a day of Xanax along with Ambien all day again. I needed at least 12 mg to not shake. I would wake up  in a panic and vomit from withdrawal among other horrible things if I couldn't get enough to feel normal.

I finally decided I had to start tapering. My previous dreams about heroin turned into dreams about Xanax bars and pharmacies.

It was also around this time I was put on the antibiotic Ciprofloxacin for an extended period of time, which I now know can throw you into protracted benzo w/d.

Soon after this I switched from Xanax to Klonopin after getting to 2 mg in my taper.

I didn't think things could get any worse after my best friend died but they did. I completely quit eating and sleeping along with laying in bed in the dark all day. I couldn't keep any food down, Zofran and Phenergan had completely quit working ages ago. I fully planned on committing suicide, I had already began telling my therapist I was doing better (along with my family) so no one would try to interfere. My plan was to do a huge shot of fentanyl. Or I would just wait to die from malnutrition, I would go 4-5 days without eating or drinking anything. I collapsed all the time and couldn't even lift my head up.

I was seeing an addiction specialist every 2 weeks, a therapist 3 times a week, and an infectious disease doctor. Among others. No one could help, everyone was perplexed. The next step was inpatient psychiatric help.

Until finally my addiction specialist brought up thinking I may have developed hypomanic bipolar and we started treating that as opposed to depression, which I also have. After a lottt of trial and error, I went on Abilify and Depakote and was amazed at how much better I feel.

This was very hard to write but also therapeutic since this was the first time I told it.

 

It has been a little over 2 months since I last took any Klonopin, and 8 months off heroin.

I am currently on 8 mg of Suboxone, 250 mg of Depakote 3x a day, and 5 mg of Abilify once daily. I also smoke weed which helped me through this more than anything.

Things are finally looking up. I can eat a normal meal, I can go places, and I'm doing things I love.

 

If I had to give anyone advice, I would say make sure if you have a mental illness that you're getting the correct diagnosis. A lot of the criteria for different MI's overlap, and being misdiagnosed is common. Just because you had something when you were younger doesn't necessarily mean it's the same now.

And don't be afraid to go on psych meds if that'll help. I tried doing it without them until I absolutely couldn't.

Avoid Cipro by all means during tapering.

Also, monitor your cholesterol, the stress from benzo w/d made mine shoot up really bad.

 

If anyone is interested in my exact taper schedule, or anything I wrote, please don't hesitate to ask. I'm an open book.

 

Thank you for reading <3

[[bu...]]

Sounds like you've really been through the ringer.  I'm glad you mentioned your heroin problems because I struggled with it for 10 years, and most people on here wouldn't even think of touching the stuff.  It's been over 2 1/2 yrs since I've done it, but I'm still on Suboxone and trying to figure whether to taper that or Valium first.  Most people tell me to do the opiate first since you heal from it quicker.  One of my best friends passed away in 2010.  He was high on dope, nodded out while driving and crashed his truck.  His girlfriend was 7 months pregnant at the time, and he was one of those really good friends I'd known since 4th grade and did everything with growing up.  So I know how much it hurts to lose someone that close to you.  I'd be curious to know how you got off that insane amount of benzo, and how you plan to get off the Suboxone.  Best of luck to you!

[[Te...]]

You indeed went through the wringer!! CONGRATULATIONS on getting off the benzos and for meeting the addiction specialist.

But you did all the work. Amazing that you got off such a high dose of Xanax and were able to get off Klonopin. Best of luck to you!!!  :thumbsup:

[[ex...]]

Hi, weasel7709! I'm sorry for what you've been through. Like the others here, I also can't imagine getting off that 16 mg xanax, as mine was 2 mg per day as my last dose before I taper. This dose alone would get me crazy when tapering, my body got out of whack.

 

I want to ask, what are your body problems that you've had all the way from knowing psych meds until now? Because those meds are all tremendously poisonous and damaging for the body, right?

[[...]]

Great post.

May the force be with you.

[[Se...]]

I'd like to see your tapering schedule.