Anyone else lose friends since they've been sick?

[[Fi...]]

I'm trying really hard just to allow myself to heal. You know, ignore the pain and try to get through every day. Two of my "friends" who I have known for over 20 years completely walked away. One just came out and told me that she couldn't handle my illness and the other was very hurtful even though I didn't do anything wrong. Throughout the years when they were at their darkest hours they came to me and I helped them so much. Now that I'm going through hell they have simply turned their backs on me. I am still in shock about it and very hurt. I want to not think about it but I get triggered and can't help it. I feel very alone. Any help would be really appreciated, thanks everyone.

[[He...]]

me

[[SS...]]

same here - and same thing - i helped all these people emotionally, financially, etc., people jump ship pretty easily.  i get it, they can't reconcile what they are seeing - i know i'm radically different both physically and emotionally and they don't know what to do.  it's hard.  i guess once i get through this i will have to rebuild my life from the ground up in every way......

[[Ca...]]

I think this is quite common. I'm sorry you are experiencing this loss. Withdrawal is already such a hard experience and when people leave it makes it more difficult.

 

I believe people don't know what to do. As a culture we are very uncomfortable with pain and suffering. We want to fix it. My hubby was like that but took the time to educate himself and now he's an advocate. Many of my medical trained friends left as they don't believe my situation. It's been very hard. Education is the answer.

 

One day this will be more known and accepted. We can tell our stories and shift the cultural climate regarding benzodiazepines.

 

With compassion,

 

Carita

[[Mi...]]

Absolutely, and not just during withdrawal. Valium made me me feel like I didn't need to have any coping skills and anytime stress came along I was miserable to be around. During tolerance withdrawal I felt awful yet had no awareness of what was happening and again, I was hard to be around. So, yeah, I am very isolated which I've come to find to be a blessing because I can heal without having to pretend that life isn't something that it's not.

[[Ni...]]

Me too, sadly. Major gut-wrench, in one particular close, long-standing friendship - life-changing, really.    :'(

 

I don't accept the standard "they can't understand" rigmarole either. It might be true that people can't understand, but it isn't too much to expect that close friends, if that is what they profess to be, stay neutral at the very least.

 

And I agree, re-launching will involve a major, possibly wiser, rebuild from the ground up when the time comes.

[[ne...]]

Hi!  I know just what u people r going through.  I have very few friends and what I do have, have made me feel like crap several times by yelling and screaming at me when I didn't do what they thought I should or didn't agree with them.  My family of origin shunned me 5 years ago and haven't spoken 2 me since.  My 91 year old mother is the leader of the pack and has made it her life mission 2 turn as many people against me as she could including my siblings.  She is now in a home and has told everyone not 2 tell me where she is.  This after when I was just getting sick in 2013 and I ran around doing things 4 her including going with her when she had 2 put her little dog down.  Where was she when I had to put my best friend down last year all while I was in horrendous agony from the w/d.  Nowhere 2 b seen or heard from.  My brother and sister want nothing 2 do with me because they don't want me 2 get anything that my mother leaves behind.  Nothing but pure glutenous pigs.  I have had 2 go through this inhumane torture all by myself and its a wonder I'm still here.  I have suffered emotional, verbal, spiritual and physical abuse from doctors, police, family, friends, strangers etc.  The humiliation has been nothing short of shear torture.  To top it all off, I know that my mother will die without even saying goodbye 2 me and I have never done anything 2 her.  However, she has been emotionally and verbally abusive 2 me all my life.  I know in my heart that they all want me dead but I am determined 2 win this battle if at all possible. 

[[SS...]]

i have been on the receiving end of "tough love" from people...... i almost laughed out loud.  many believe we are choosing this for ourselves.  like its a midlife crisis that i'm handling badly..... yet the timing struck with stopping the valium post both surgeries .  i did not have any of these issues before then.  yelling at me to get a job, get a hobby, get a life, isn't going to help.  before valium - i ran a business, presented to large corporation CEOs and executive boards, chaired conferences, went to happy hour, hiked miles a day, etc.,  i was not a hermit, crumbling and shaking in fear...... but as someone else said - perhaps being alone is better as i don't have to fake or hide what is happening in the sanctity of my own home.  i just pray i can start remote consulting work next month so that i can afford to stay in my house.....

 

anyhow - at least we are here for one another.  we know its real. we know its not a choice.  we know we will heal in our own time and have a better life and we may just have to start over again with building new relationships , etc.,

[[tw...]]

Everyone, once you are healed, there's nothing stopping you from reaching out & trying to re-establish lost connections. Since I've been healing, I made it a point to try & reach out more. Ask friends to lunch or to the movies. They used to ask me, but once I started declining so much, they just stopped. When I DO connect with a friend, I THANK them for spending time with me & tell them how important they are to me.

 

If you try & reconnect, and they don't accept, then they are certainly not true friends.

[[Fi...]]

Thanks to everyone for responding, it reassures me that we are all good people and deserve real friends. Definitely going to have to rebuild my life after this too.  I wish I could honestly say I don't care.  True they were never my friends in the first place.  I guess it will just take time like everything else to forget about it all. It's just horrible that you invest time, energy, money and all kinds of things into these relationships only to get kicked to the curb when you are already suffering so much pain.  I won't ever reach out to these people because I know they didn't appreciate anything did for them. The nightmares are the worst right now, I hope one day they at least feel badly about how they behaved. At the same time They may be self involved to give it a second thought. It's depressing. Sorry that we are all so alone in this, big hug to you all and thank you again.

[[Re...]]

I think this is quite common. I'm sorry you are experiencing this loss. Withdrawal is already such a hard experience and when people leave it makes it more difficult.

 

I believe people don't know what to do. As a culture we are very uncomfortable with pain and suffering. We want to fix it. My hubby was like that but took the time to educate himself and now he's an advocate. Many of my medical trained friends left as they don't believe my situation. It's been very hard. Education is the answer.

 

One day this will be more known and accepted. We can tell our stories and shift the cultural climate regarding benzodiazepines.

 

With compassion,

 

Carita

 

Thank you for saying this.

[[pu...]]

I've actually had a few friends, rip me off. Steal items from me. I almost think they had a "he's crazy, it doesn't matter."

 

 

Terribly sad, if I wasn't in benzo withdrawal I don't think it would have happened. But I let it happen because I didn't couldn't fight it.

 

 

I don't know, I guess this really shows people's true colors? Maybe in the future they will come back around.

 

I'm not to worried about it, now I realize that happiness is inside me.

[[Iw...]]

Need help:

 

Are we related? 

[[...]]

Well I just noticed some friends just don't check on me any more , I'm not sure what I did and I don't plan on finding out . Maybe they noticed some changes in me and chose to avoid me however I still have a few friends I'm praying won't run away too ., the ones that stay at the real friends and the ones that leave were never really my friend . After I heal ,if I see them , I will simply just walk by

[[ce...]]

Yes - lost all my friends.  To add insult to injury I find my partner is now trawling dating websites - I am devastated.  I found out by accident when looking for something I needed in the browsing history, and my partner is not very internet savvy to delete his viewing history.

 

Thank God I have jumped as I can now hopefully start the healing process and get some life back and try to salvage my relationships.  I have been very symptomatic all thu my taper so I  can sort of understand my partner getting fed up with my/our situation, but it still really,really hurts.

 

Thank God we have each other here on the board.

 

Take care all.

[[ex...]]

My heart goes to all of you who experience one of this benzo-related problems.

 

Of course I'm losing friends too - almost everyone. And this is normal. My opinion is that, their leaving you is a "normal" behavior to almost every human except those who really, really love you (I have those - never ever forget them!). Because as we know, the majority of human lives on give and take. When we couldn't give them anything anymore (for the time being), what's the point anymore, right? I mean, I know you're not like that. That's why you have to be thankful that you have been given that quality within you.

 

What I feel is that, it's true that I was angry, disappointed, etc., but I can't be like that forever - I have to channel those energy - at least reduce and then divert it - to the more important thing right now which is health, I mean, I do a lot of research regarding this, and it helped me in return, tremendously, in strengthening my body and mind (overall endurance), facing this difficult time. I have to feel good - even great for myself during this trial - I don't have time anymore to waste my energy thinking about them!

 

And we all are here! I know it's not the same as real friends, but at least we're not alone! Even just via forum - you're getting to know that you're not alone, not abnormal, not crazy, you know, stuff like that.

 

Anyway this is just my way in dealing this. I hope it can at least give some contributions to the perspectives. Keep up the spirit!

[[Es...]]

I'm trying really hard just to allow myself to heal. You know, ignore the pain and try to get through every day. Two of my "friends" who I have known for over 20 years completely walked away. One just came out and told me that she couldn't handle my illness and the other was very hurtful even though I didn't do anything wrong. Throughout the years when they were at their darkest hours they came to me and I helped them so much. Now that I'm going through hell they have simply turned their backs on me. I am still in shock about it and very hurt. I want to not think about it but I get triggered and can't help it. I feel very alone. Any help would be really appreciated, thanks everyone.

 

Yeah, me too. People are usually with you, cause they expect sth more than attention and empathy.

 

They hope for the strangest things, I've learnt. But not on the spiritual level. Sometimes it takes time to figure out what they really wanted. But I've always found out. Strangely, my cognitive function is not much impaired.

 

Once they learn you can no longer give them what they need. They distance themselves.

 

I had tons of "friends", when I was off benzos for 11 yrs. Functioning and able to give support. Help someone to be promoted, lend money etc. Especially if the money didn't have to be returned.

 

At the end of the day. It's sad, but I prefer animals. They love you unconditionally. All they want from you in return is love, food and a minimum care.

 

I lost all illusions. Once and for all.

 

Wishing you luck on your journey to freedom ❤️

 

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[[Na...]]

yup, I have lost all friends during my wd. It hurts 

[[Re...]]

I'm thankful for all of you.

[[ex...]]

And remember guys, like many of you may have already said or thought, that by suffering this, we have become to know who are the ones that really love us, and who don't. This is our another advantage that those who never suffer would rarely get. Not to say that the suffering part is necessary then, by any chance, mind you.

[[Fi...]]

It saddens me that so many people have gone through the same thing. Once this is every we will be so much stronger and small pains physically/mentally will be a cake walk. Once we have our lives back I'm sure we will meet some great new friends. You're right ExBenzo we definitely know who really cares. I'm so glad for all of you sharing your stories, it reaffirms to my damage brain that it is not my fault. A lie that sometimes I buy into and brings me down. I hope everyone finds peace and happiness 

[[Ai...]]

Hi,

 

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.  In fact, my husband, who is a total introvert, has more friends than I do now!  Who stayed?  My son, my family, my husband, and I have the Lord!

[[Es...]]

Hey Fighting the Good Fight,

 

No regrets. You lost those ppl who were worthless. Just to make place for the ones who will really be there for you through thick and thin. Ppl who have heathy self-love and respect never engage in toxic, manipulative relationships.

 

When we didn't accept ourselves as we are, we thought that every crumb of attention would do. "USA: Unconditional Self-Acceptance." As Albert Ellis once nicely put it.

 

Life's too short to be wasted on toxic ppl.

 

Many hugs.

 

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[[be...]]

I too experienced what you and others have described on this thread. It was incredibly hurtful. Yet on the flip side, once I put it all out there, I experienced the exact opposite. Not everyone knew exactly what I was going through so I decided to be straight up. I posted on FB my story which was really just matter of fact regarding what I'd been experiencing for the last six months in terms of withdrawal and stopping K. I had an outpouring of love and support as a result from friends and family. They had taken my kind of off behavior personally so once they read about everything I'd been through it helped them understand. Sure there were the few haters but once I was honest people knew what I was going through and wanted to help. Some of them even said they had been through the same thing.