Trauma from this experience?

[[Re...]]

I was managing my mental health issues pretty well before meds. I had a wild hormone imbalance after a hysterectomy that led me down a long road to find stability. Before all this my coping skills worked well. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation, relaxation techniques, exercise, etc. None of these things help right now. It seems my brain is being trained to think negatively, to be terrified by everything and is setting up ruts filled with phobias. I'm worried the experience of benzo withdrawal/recovery will leave me traumatized with behavioral issues. And that I will need a lot of therapeutic rehabilitation after this. Do the phobias really go away after healing?!

[[He...]]

another fear? 

 

I know what you mean.

 

However, once your brain starts to think clearly, you will see this as you were ill. And WD will look like a dream from the past.

 

In your current brain state, this is hard to believe.

[[Br...]]

How do we know how much of this is the benzo, and how much of this is the anxiety that led us to get onto the benzo in the first place?

 

I mean, getting off a benzo does not mean my original struggles will get easier, right?

[[Re...]]

Healthfirst, Thanks for the reassurance. Trying to reason with my brain right now is like trying to reason with a drunk person who doesn't know their own name!

 

BreatheEasy, For me I can see this is benzo brain. I didn't have all these phobias and other symptoms before. A couple things I did have before like driving anxiety and bouts of depression but they were manageable before. This is a new level of hell I didn't know existed.

[[Re...]]

How do we know how much of this is the benzo, and how much of this is the anxiety that led us to get onto the benzo in the first place?

 

I mean, getting off a benzo does not mean my original struggles will get easier, right?

 

You're right that getting off benzos will not make your original struggles easier. We will still need to find healthy coping strategies to deal with preexisting conditions. I'm just worried that this experience is causing new problems that will also need to be addressed after healing.

[[Br...]]

Mine is complicated by tachycardia.

 

However, I have been on Ativan prn for several years, and I guess I wouldn't have noticed if I had a panic attack 5 days later after taking a couple doses of Ativan.  I wouldn't have made that connection.  So I guess it's possible that some of my symptoms are from the Ativan, and I just always thought it was me.  Especially since withdrawal symptoms can evidently be fairly delayed after stopping...which I did NOT realize.

 

I do know for sure my tachycardia is ME, unfortunately, as that first started long before benzos,and was especially connected with hormones and low electrolytes and who knows what else.  But the benzo thing (and the darn GI scope!!!  ARGH!!!!) has really complicated things now, which starts a cycle of panic for me.  Sigh.

[[Re...]]

Yea it can be delayed after quitting. WD symptoms are sneaky being delayed, coming and going in waves of intensity. Sometimes I think I'm doing better then wham and it seems I'm right back where I started. I'm sorry you're suffering. I'm sad for all of us in this rickety boat.

[[SS...]]

I can say I had no anxiety, OCD or any other of the more "emotional" symptoms I am having - so - for me - it''s 100% clear its benzo WD causing my issues and I pray I can return to normal. 

 

I think you had said you did EMDR in the past.  I did too and I pray once this is over - that I can use it to process the extreme trauma being caused on a near daily basis when the panic sets in or the horror in the mirror that i see does not go away, how showering has become a stressful event, etc.,  i do hope my brain is not permanently recording all these strange fears and phobias..... I ordered the Gupta Amygdala retraining DVDs - such a sound scientific principle but unfortunately something that really does not work during Benzo WD - as you said - you cannot get your brain to behave rationally when in a wave..... today has been nearly a 100% wave....... after a bunch of days that were more like 50-75% good..... so hoping it passes somehow.

 

i pray you find relief soon.  you're quite a bit farther ahead than me...... i commend your strength and determination

[[Re...]]

SSR, Yes, I had many amazing experiences with EMDR that helped with childhood trauma, assaults and a car accident. I can picture it being useful again in the future and you're right that it would be too triggering during wd. The DVDs sound interesting. I will check it out. I'm sorry you are in a 100% wave right now. I would be 100% lost without the support of buddies here. Thank you for sharing. Sending love and healing to your brain.

[[bo...]]

I'm definitely traumatised by this and especially by the way I was treated by docs who ripped me off them once I became addicted but frankly whatever my pre-existing conditions were nothing will ever be as hard as going through this just because of the sheer breadth of symptoms and the length of time it takes to recover. At least that's my hope! I'll be tougher after getting through it. Maybe I'm (we're) stronger than we ever realised.

 

 

[[Re...]]

I'm definitely traumatised by this and especially by the way I was treated by docs who ripped me off them once I became addicted but frankly whatever my pre-existing conditions were nothing will ever be as hard as going through this just because of the sheer breadth of symptoms and the length of time it takes to recover. At least that's my hope! I'll be tougher after getting through it. Maybe I'm (we're) stronger than we ever realised.

 

I'm sorry you have been traumatized by this suffering too. Many other buddies have said that we will be ourselves once again and we will come out stronger and more resilient on the other side. I do know that it's taking some serious strength to get through this nightmare. Perseverance and healing to you!

[[Ma...]]

I've been taking great comfort in the words of people like Jennifer Leigh (benzowithdrawalhelp.com), who say that they are better after withdrawals than before taking a benzo.

 

Here's a pretty good article on the possibility that trauma is sustained from withdrawals: https://www.madinamerica.com/2013/08/ptsd-in-withdrawal/

He basically argues that applying a label like PTSD to drug-induced trauma would just put us back into the system that got us there in the first place. Maybe the trauma-like symptoms are "adaptations" that will keep us from going back to the benzo, the hospital, the polydrugging, etc.

 

This is SO hard, though. I'm with everyone here and grateful for you.

[[Re...]]

I've been taking great comfort in the words of people like Jennifer Leigh (benzowithdrawalhelp.com), who say that they are better after withdrawals than before taking a benzo.

 

Here's a pretty good article on the possibility that trauma is sustained from withdrawals: https://www.madinamerica.com/2013/08/ptsd-in-withdrawal/

He basically argues that applying a label like PTSD to drug-induced trauma would just put us back into the system that got us there in the first place. Maybe the trauma-like symptoms are "adaptations" that will keep us from going back to the benzo, the hospital, the polydrugging, etc.

 

This is SO hard, though. I'm with everyone here and grateful for you.

 

It is nice to hear from other people who have gone through this and come out the other side as a stronger person.

 

I understand people wanting to avoid labels so they don't get sucked into a system of hospitalization, misinformation and medication but there are many more treatment options outside of that system. I'm angry at the system. I wish it actually helped people instead of hurting them further. Personally labels have been helpful to me. I have PTSD. I've been through many traumatic experiences and needed help healing from them. I never took psych meds for it. I went to a lot of therapy, EMDR, meditation, DBT, exposure therapy, etc. It all worked really well before I started meds. I agree that drugs are not a solution for things like PTSD. I also see that meds can benefit some people for things like depression, bipolar, seizure disorders and schizophrenia. I truly hope that I don't need years of therapy after this experience. It helps to hear about others who haven't needed it.

 

Thanks for sharing Markidee. You continue to inspire and spread hope.

[[Br...]]

My tachycardia has been traumatizing to me, and doctors want to assume that your heart is racing because you have anxiety.  I would go to the ER, and they would give me Ativan, and say "it's anxiety".  Yeah, sure, my crazy heart made me anxious.  Yup.  And Ativan will reduce heart rates, too.  Yup.  That did NOT prove it is "anxiety"!  As a matter of fact, there have been hormonal times or other times my heart went a little too low...and NO amount of worrying and freaking out I could do would raise my heart rate!  This is beyond my control.

 

So I feel like instead of doctors (not all, but some) trying to figure out why a 30-40 year old woman has an inappropriately fast heart rate, it's easier just to get her on anti-anxiety meds, right?

 

Ugh.

[[Ma...]]

Yeah, the guy who wrote the article is clearly against most psychiatric care, and I'm not totally on board with that. PTSD is real and there are real treatments for it. Labels have helped me too. I have OCD, I'm not fundamentally flawed and terminally unique, as my OCD-brain would tell me. And I'm still on one med for OCD (Luvox), and probably shouldn't go off it for a while, at least. I do like the idea of framing some of the pain involved with WD as the brain adapting to a new way of life. Thanks, Red. The more of your story I hear, the more I am inspired too.

[[Re...]]

BreathEasy, I'm very sorry doctors have treated you that way. The people who are supposed to help you and do no harm. It's incredibly frustrating.

 

Markidee, I'm glad luvox is working for you! I like the way he frames it as adaptation too. I hope we all adapt to this and also adapt smoothly to a life after this! I like the way he has found acceptance with his remaining "symptoms". Radical Acceptance again FTW!

[[...]]

That fear is just another withdrawal symptom.  It won't last.  I promise.  Health anxiety is a big one for me too. 

[[Re...]]

That fear is just another withdrawal symptom.  It won't last.  I promise.  Health anxiety is a big one for me too.

 

Thank you. It's impossible to see through this misery. How are you going with healing progress?