Can't Laugh and Intensely Sad

[[su...]]

I am now close to 7 months off of Klonopin and 3 months off of Lexapro.  I am not able to laugh at anything.  I can watch something that I know is funny but I can only experience it intellectually not emotionally.  I don't understand why the depression that has plagued me for going on 4 years will not budge.  It's better but it's still pervasive. I don't ever feel joy or even peace. No matter how many gratitude exercises or meditations I do, I'm flat.  Sadness is the newest shade I'm experiencing. I feel sad a lot lately, over the last month or so it's been building and now it's the prominent feature of this depression.  Irritability preceded it and sometimes comes over me. I feel hopeless again.  I had 5 days this month when I felt calm and hopeful but it's gone.  I feel like I may be worse now than a month ago.  I don't understand this.

[Guest [Le...]]

I am now close to 7 months off of Klonopin and 3 months off of Lexapro.  I am not able to laugh at anything.  I can watch something that I know is funny but I can only experience it intellectually not emotionally.  I don't understand why the depression that has plagued me for going on 4 years will not budge.  It's better but it's still pervasive. I don't ever feel joy or even peace. No matter how many gratitude exercises or meditations I do, I'm flat.  Sadness is the newest shade I'm experiencing. I feel sad a lot lately, over the last month or so it's been building and now it's the prominent feature of this depression.  Irritability preceded it and sometimes comes over me. I feel hopeless again.  I had 5 days this month when I felt calm and hopeful but it's gone.  I feel like I may be worse now than a month ago.  I don't understand this.

 

It's pretty hard to understand, but hang onto those five days as a reminder, because it will happen again!

 

My anhedonia just lifted only recently, just poof, went away. I was just past the one-year-off mark. I've had a few days where it visited me again like an evil wet black cloud, but those were fleeting moments.

You're gonna get yourself back, too - it's just a slow process. 

[[Ch...]]

Sooooo slow... I'm sorry you're dealing with this, sunday.  I don't remember having any lasting joy or laughter for a very long time, though I can't put a timeline on it.  Depression and sadness (for no other apparent reason) came and went for a long time.  Just when you think it's going to be forever, it goes away again. 

 

It seemed like sometimes it helped to put the 'act as if' strategy in place... if I remembered to do it.  Distractions, forcing myself to get into a project...those are a couple of things that helped (other than waiting it out, and I did that, too).

 

Hugs...    We hear you.

[[pi...]]

Hello sunday,

 

As you've read from others, these feelings are part of the withdrawal process.  I remember the inability to laugh, really laugh.  I watched so many supposedly funny movies to distract myself but they were just "there", I didn't, couldn't react in any way. One day I re-watched a movie I had seen during my tough days of withdrawal. Suddenly I laughed and laughed and really felt the humor. That was just the start. We went to our friend's house and were playing a silly game called "Catch Phrase".  Well, something set us off and I laughed until I cried. You know what? It felt amazing!!! 

 

Our emotions are so repressed by these drugs and that just takes time for them to re-emerge.  When they do, they pretty much explode, like mine did. Give it time, you'll see.

 

It's hard to not feel sad when you feel bad.  After a while I would simply repeat my mantra "what I'm feeling is my healing".

 

You're there, just hiding for a bit.  I know it's tough but be patient and good things will come your way.

 

pianogirl 

[[su...]]

Thank you so very much for these encouraging words.  Each of you have been touchstones for me here on BB to keep me believing.  I love that mantra, "what I'm feeling is my healing", and I'm going to use it too!  I've noticed an uptick in symptoms suddenly but I'm also noticing that I'm much more accepting of them.  I guess that's progress.  I look forward to all of the simplest pleasures, and I believe this experience will ultimately enrich me.