just crossed 6 months and an uptick in symptoms

[[gg...]]

Hey

 

I crossed 6 months on Thursday and sadly my symptoms seem to have increased.

 

My anxiety is way up, my head pressure is also really bad. My neck and upper back are very stiff and sore. The metallic taste in my mouth is consistant and my appetite has decreased substantially.

 

I just started having internal tremors again centered in my belly.

 

My pulsating tinnitus and blurry vision are very bad and get worse in the afternoon.

 

My depression has let up a bit and I am sleeping decently but waking up completely unrested.

 

Considering my short-term use I am worrying that this is just the month of panic attacks I had before taking Klonopin coming back and that I will not be healing.

 

I am thinking of going back to a psychiatrist and maybe trying meds.

 

I am at a loss, it is so scary using this board as my sole source for medical information and seeing my symptoms going backwards.

 

Do not know if this is withdrawal or if I'm just lost in GAD with no relief in sight.

 

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated since I am at a loss for what to do and am about to lose my job that I so desperately need.

[[Re...]]

Hi there,

It's super confusing and rough when you have a preexisting condition like GAD. I have bipolar disorder and have been struggling during wd trying to figure out if I need other meds or if I should wait this out. I'm currently not on any psych meds at all. I decided it's best for me to wait it out. I'm afraid of doing anything that will intensify or prolong this suffering. You know your body better than anyone. I also know it's hard to trust your instincts when you're so sick with intense wd symptoms. There are a lot of other people on this forum dealing with other meds and psych issues. You might find some helpful posts in the Support Groups or Other Medications sections of BB. Have you tried non medication therapies to help deal with GAD? EMDR, breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, meditation, visualization, DBT, mindfulness practice, and exposure therapy are some things that have helped me. They are not quick fixes and take a lot of time and practice but they really help. Whatever you chose to do I wish you the best. xoxo

[[te...]]

Hi ggbtd, so sorry you are having such a hard time. Did you really have GAD before you took Benzos?

[[gg...]]

I actually did not have GAD before I took benzo's. Actually I was happier and more content than I had ever been prior to benzo's.

Literally out of the blue in November after a promotion at work I was hit with a series of panic attacks that I cannot explain. I took a fluoroquinolone antibiotic for the first time in my life last year so I am wondering if that caused it.

so, sarcastically I say I had GAD in that was the only thing my primary care doc could diagnose although I had been fine for my entire life prior to last November.

By December I took Klonopin and the rest is a horror story.

I was so happy, content, anxiety free and successful last October and in one month my entire life burned down.

I do not know how to cope with what happened

[Guest [MD...]]

If I were you, I would stay the path.  I'm not a doctor nor can I really offer medical advice, but your story is so similar to mine.  Even the timing is somewhat similar.

 

I "was" a successful, highly motivated analytics manager who's life fell apart last September.  I had no history of anxiety or depression.  I was starting a new job at another company and I came down with the flu the week prior.  I started to get really bad neck pain as well and had my first panic attack.  I'm not really sure what caused the anxiety, but I was trying a lot of different things to help whatever was going on with me. I also believe caffeine withdrawal was also a factor as I quit drinking coffee during the flu.  I tried Augmentin (antibiotic) in case I had a sinus infection, Atarax to help calm my nerves and was given 4 1 mg Ativan pills to help me sleep.  It was pretty much game over after I took the benzo.  I started having crazy symptoms and my body was in a state of constant panic.  Sounds highly unlikely, but I believe I was hooked after those 4 pills.

 

I sought help from my PCP who prescribed Buspar and Lexapro.  Within 24 hours, I developed serotonin syndrome (confirmed by ER) and was forced back on a benzo to help with the agitation.  I started taking 2 mg per day and eventually worked my way up to 4 mg per day since I was not improving.  I then starting taking Effexor for help with the benzo-induced depression.

 

Long-story short, I'm 6 months off Ativan and almost 3 months off of Effexor.  Both were incredibly difficult to taper and kick (dry cut Ativan and weighed beads for Effexor).  I am by no means doing well, but no amount of money would ever make me touch a pill again!  Stay tough and know that we are in this together!

 

[[gg...]]

Thanks MDL. You are right our story and timeline are really similar.

Are you having any windows yet?

I feel OK most evenings after 8pm, and a couple days recently I had some daytime windows.

Thanks for the support.

The hardest part is working with my wife and family with this.

Both my new PC doc and psychologist don't think I could still have withdrawal, so convincing the people in my life that through this website I'm pretty sure it's withdrawal can be a stretch.

[[Re...]]

I actually did not have GAD before I took benzo's. Actually I was happier and more content than I had ever been prior to benzo's.

Literally out of the blue in November after a promotion at work I was hit with a series of panic attacks that I cannot explain. I took a fluoroquinolone antibiotic for the first time in my life last year so I am wondering if that caused it.

so, sarcastically I say I had GAD in that was the only thing my primary care doc could diagnose although I had been fine for my entire life prior to last November.

By December I took Klonopin and the rest is a horror story.

I was so happy, content, anxiety free and successful last October and in one month my entire life burned down.

I do not know how to cope with what happened

 

I'm sorry I misunderstood. The great news is, if you didn't have it before benzos then you will likely not have it after recovery! Which means no more GAD for you. I've heard a lot of other stories about people having anxiety attacks while on antibiotics. They make a lot of people feel terrible mentally. I wish you the best. We will get through this!

[[2t...]]

I read a post by a guy in France recently, think his name is Sybase or something like that, he has a success story posted.

Anyway he took benzos for just a very short time and had a very hard withdrawal and would post that he was damaged and would never get better and only ever got worse.

He posted recently that after 8 months he started to get better and at 11 months he feels fully recovered and said this was something he never thought would happen and he was going to have to live in withdrawal for the rest of his life.

 

Also I have read that for many people 6 months is a time when you can slip back a bit and it is very worrying, I myself am at 5.5 months off and the last week or so have had an up tick in morning anxiety, muscle pains and now tingling in my feet and hands with more trouble sleeping. I am not happy about it but am hopping it will fade with more time.

I say the above as I would hate to see you start back on drugs when all you need it a bit more time.

 

2trusting

 

 

[[Re...]]

I read a post by a guy in France recently, think his name is Sybase or something like that, he has a success story posted.

Anyway he took benzos for just a very short time and had a very hard withdrawal and would post that he was damaged and would never get better and only ever got worse.

He posted recently that after 8 months he started to get better and at 11 months he feels fully recovered and said this was something he never thought would happen and he was going to have to live in withdrawal for the rest of his life.

 

Also I have read that for many people 6 months is a time when you can slip back a bit and it is very worrying, I myself am at 5.5 months off and the last week or so have had an up tick in morning anxiety, muscle pains and now tingling in my feet and hands with more trouble sleeping. I am not happy about it but am hopping it will fade with more time.

I say the above as I would hate to see you start back on drugs when all you need it a bit more time.

 

2trusting

 

Thanks for sharing this. This past month has been worse for me. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I'm sending healing to all our brains. xoxo

[Guest [MD...]]

Thanks MDL. You are right our story and timeline are really similar.

Are you having any windows yet?

I feel OK most evenings after 8pm, and a couple days recently I had some daytime windows.

Thanks for the support.

The hardest part is working with my wife and family with this.

Both my new PC doc and psychologist don't think I could still have withdrawal, so convincing the people in my life that through this website I'm pretty sure it's withdrawal can be a stretch.

 

I've had a lot of symptoms that are gone (for example, muscle twitching) and a few that continue to plague me.  I've had windows where the remaining symptoms would lessen, but I've never felt 100%.  I tend to feel better in the evenings as well.  My main symptoms are the following:

 

Pulsatile tinnitus (when laying down at night)

Strong pulse (mainly stomach, neck, fingertips and back of head when laying down)

Jaw tension

Teeth pain including pulsating feeling in teeth and tongue

Inner vibration/tremor (evident when I touch my upper and lower teeth together)

Occasional nausea and low-grade headaches

 

I think tapering off Effexor played a part in my delayed recovery (I had brain zaps every time I would move my eyes for months!!).  However, I knew that I needed to get all of this crap out of my body and I would feel better in due time.

 

In terms of acceptance, I think it is natural to not believe this is withdrawal.  I guarantee everyone that recovers thinks it is something else at first or that they will be this way forever.  I think it is so tough because it lasts so f'ing long and your brain wants you to think it is something else because if it were, you could seek help and get the treatment you "need".  I've had numerous tests done (blood panels, stress test, brain CT/MRI, etc.) early on and everything came back negative.  I like you were given the diagnosis of GAD even though I had no history whatsoever of anxiety.  I know myself and this is not GAD.  I honestly think they use that diagnosis when their standard tests don't show anything.

 

I also have my doubts at times because of how long this suffering has dragged on.  I need to continue to tell myself that there are thousands of other people out there who are suffering like me and we all have one thing in common: we all consumed these devil pills.  I would place my money on withdrawal any day of the week given that obvious trend.  I've questioned myself at times as well with the anxiety diagnosis, but I like to look at it this way.  Does it really matter if it is withdrawal or true anxiety?  I won't let either define my life and I'm willing to beat it come hell or high water.  The non-medication route to recovery is similar in both situations in terms of managing symptoms with the hope that they disappear forever.

 

In terms of other people understanding what you are going through, I would put yourself in their shoes.  If it were me a year ago, I would have said that I was crazy and there was no way that pills could cause this kind of suffering for so long.  I only believe it because I'm living through it.  They didn't do the due diligence (can you really blame them?) or consumed the research on the damage these pills can cause.  My wife has fully supported me throughout this ordeal, but I know she doesn't truly "get it" and I don't think she has to.  I've given up on going to the doctor as they have only caused me more and more problems.  I don't fully blame them as I think what happened to me is rare, but they are no longer highly regarded in my eyes.

[[gg...]]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply MDL

May I ask if you are working currently?

I feel like I can make it through this without losing it except for when it comes to working. I had to step down and then resign once and I clawed my way back up but now I am fearing losing my job again due to the uptick of symptoms recently.

I don't know how to make it through my work week any more

[Guest [MD...]]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply MDL

May I ask if you are working currently?

I feel like I can make it through this without losing it except for when it comes to working. I had to step down and then resign once and I clawed my way back up but now I am fearing losing my job again due to the uptick of symptoms recently.

I don't know how to make it through my work week any more

 

I've been out of work for 9 months which is really hard for me given how career-focused I am.  It was incredibly difficult for me to resign as I've worked incredibly hard to get to where I was.  I've been spending my days as a stay-at-home dad caring for my newborn son.  It was the hardest time of life early on as a first-time parent watching a newborn while tapering/withdrawing from drugs.  I've interviewed recently and I'm hoping to be back working within the next few weeks.  Even though I don't feel well, I need to get back to work to support my family.  My funds will be dry in the future so there is no real alternative.  I'll need to get through it.

 

I think working can be a blessing and a curse.  Of course, it is added stress to an already stressed-out mind and body, but at the same time, it is good to have some normalcy and to keep your mind off of what happened to you and what you are experiencing.  I frankly have the majority of the day to think about all of this crap and I think that is probably doing me way more harm than good.  I look forward to getting back to the grind even though I'm unsure how it is going to affect me.

[[Ro...]]

I think hold the course, I have been fine for long, at 10 months  I am now having upticks. its very alarming, scary, and disheartening, but I know it will get better, my life was back to normal for long... think of it this way, even if you have GAD, a benzo is not the way to solve it. Dedicate your life to finding other means of alleviating the symptoms and distracting yourself. Meditation, light jogging, eating and drinking clean, no stimulants, no alcohol, etc. I am certain that all will be fine. How long were you on benzos?