Should Have joined a long time ago

[[04...]]

Thank you for taking the time to read my introduction.

I successfully beat Xanax addiction years ago, but recently have possibly screwed up again and

am joining to seek some advice/help.

 

Thanks again

[[pi...]]

Hello 04Mach1,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies! I'm sorry you are finding yourself in a situation that might require withdrawal from a benzo once again, this is not uncommon.  Are you now taking Xanax again?

 

If you tapered off Xanax before you can do it again.  A sensible slow taper is the best way to approach this and we'll provide information and support for you through the process.

 

In general, a reduction of no more than 5-10% every 10-14 days is suggested. I'll give you a link to the General Taper Plans for additional information.

 

I don't know if you had come across the Ashton Manual earlier on. It is an excellent resource about these types of drugs and how to withdraw. It was written by Dr. Heather Ashton, an expert in the field. I would highly recommend that you read it because it contains a lot of good information.

 

Please provide us with further information so we can address your unique circumstances.  Once you do that we can provide the advice and help that you seek. Please ask questions, we're here to help.

 

General Taper Plans   

 

The Ashton Manual

 

pianogirl 

[[04...]]

Sorry for the delay, I have been busy with a Hurricane and all.....LOL

 

I should clarify, I have ruled out addiction to xanax.

 

Here is my complete story.....

 

About 18 years ago, I was stupid and my GF gave me a little blue pill and said "take this, it feels great"

 

I took it, didn't really feel a thing, just the beer I followed it down with.

I didn't take any more for a while.

 

Maybe 1 or two more times in total. Then, one day at work I started having "Dizzy" Spells, where I just felt lightheaded and just off, with some derealization.

On a hunch, I tried half of a 1mg xanax and this always killed the feeling instantly. This is how it began.

I assume I am VERY sensitive to any mind altering medications.

 

For at least 4-5 years I was taking .25 mg xanax 3 times a day to feel normal. I finally found a doctor that was willing to switch me to Klonopin to do a taper, which was slow but

eventually successful. I have been free of any pills whatsoever for years. But I have always had anxiety and shakiness ever since, something I have to live with.

But I could function normal, and felt pretty normal most of the time.

 

Enter about 6 months ago. I felt stress building from various causes, but it hadn't come to panic attacks or anything. In my stupidity, my mother gave me 3 or 4 .5mg Klonopin which I would break in half

or in quarters, and took them over the course of a few months. Not much I know, probably not even clinically therapeutic.

 

About a month and a half ago leaving the gym i experienced my first panic attack in many years, felt almost exactly like xanax withdrawal!!!Started when I turned my head and felt dizzy/derealization.

Then everything snowballed and they got more and more frequent and intense. I eventually stopped lifting weights because I was scared to "leave" the gym....I think I would get light headed when lifting

heavy and that made me have anxiety. It eventually got to where i couldn't go into a store because my legs would be all rubbery and I would feel like I was going to faint.

I had only 3 2mg Xanax, which I would break into about 8 pieces (not easy) and that would stop a panic attack in its tracks and again make me feel pretty normal. I still have one left after many weeks that I no longer take, just a security blanket)

 

I finally went to the doctor and told her of my panic and anxiety, and complained of the dizziness. She did a full blood work up and everything was normal, except for low testosterone (200) which explains my slow gains at the gym LOL

 

I did not tell her of the klonopin I took because I felt she would give me more, and I didn't want more......but she gave me more anyways.....

She prescribed Buspar and a 10 day supply of Klonopin, which I made last more like two weeks or more.

I have been seeing a Psychologist who tells me that the amount of benzos I took was not enough to start a withdrawal.  But it sure feels like it.

 

My symptoms are: Racing thoughts, jelly legs, favoring right side when I walk, dread, feelings of impending doom, thoughts do not seem like they are mine, or unreal. Sometimes thoughts mean "more" than they should, like I am overthinking things people say on tv (Like when I smoked weed in my young years), fear of passing out in public (I never do), but the worst is the dizziness/lightheadedness. Some days are much better than others. At least now I can get out of the house, go into walmart, mow the grass, and I have returned to work (that was not easy). Driving is very hard, especially on the interstate. But red lights are torture, like I am trapped with my racing thoughts and suffer until the light turns green.

 

I have improved since my initial post, but not much. I am currently taking 2.5mg buspar twice a day and .125mg Klonopin twice a day.

 

Could this be rebound withdrawal? Rebound anxiety? Is there something more sinister?

I want my life back, I've got stuff to get done!

 

Thanks all

[[Ma...]]

 

My symptoms are: Racing thoughts, jelly legs, favoring right side when I walk, dread, feelings of impending doom, thoughts do not seem like they are mine, or unreal. Sometimes thoughts mean "more" than they should, like I am overthinking things people say on tv (Like when I smoked weed in my young years), fear of passing out in public (I never do), but the worst is the dizziness/lightheadedness. Some days are much better than others. At least now I can get out of the house, go into walmart, mow the grass, and I have returned to work (that was not easy). Driving is very hard, especially on the interstate. But red lights are torture, like I am trapped with my racing thoughts and suffer until the light turns green.

 

I have improved since my initial post, but not much. I am currently taking 2.5mg buspar twice a day and .125mg Klonopin twice a day.

 

Could this be rebound withdrawal? Rebound anxiety? Is there something more sinister?

I want my life back, I've got stuff to get done!

 

Thanks all

Hi Mach! I totally understand the anxiety, the doom, the mild-to-moderate feelings of paranoia, and thoughts that seem like they do not come from you. For me, I realize that it was some organic biochemical anxiety aggravated by OCD, and benzo tolerance, interdose withdrawal, and eventually kindling. They say benzos are therapeutic for a couple of weeks, and then they just start to make everything worse.

 

I think if you spend time around this forum you'll see that there is nothing "more sinister" for most of us than the benzos--looking back on it, I probably have had anxiety/OCD for years, and the benzos--whether I took a crumb or several pills--just made things progressively worse. For me, a few months from my jump, I realize the most sinister thing is not my brain, but the drugs I was putting in my brain, i.e., the benzos.

 

I've cut all ties with the drugs, though I totally understand and validate the desire for a security blanket. Lord knows I kept the option alive for a couple of months. I hope you find hope and healing on this forum, and PM me if you want to talk!

-Mark