Mental torture

[[va...]]

My mind keeps spiraling into insanity. It is like all my instincts and thoughts are the opposite of my values and I don't know who I am. Feel like I am being beaten to a pulp by intrusive, negative, scary thoughts or by some horrible spirit.

 

I can't remember what I did five minutes ago. Thought for sure I grabbed vitamins and AD med this morning and now don't know if I took them or not.

 

Withdraw? My brain has left the reservation. Wish I could say that this is an exaggeration, but reality is probably even worse!

 

Can anyone relate? Is this withdraw or am I mentally ill?

[[Fa...]]

I can relate to the memory issues. I keep forgetting if I have taken meds or not too! And I just got some soaking wet clothes out of the dryer I put in there two days ago and never started it. 

[[va...]]

Thanks Faery,

 

Makes me feel better that it's not just me. This stuff is beyond words!!!!!

 

Not sure if I will remember writing this response

[[Fa...]]

Yes I agree! Beyond words for sure! No one can even begin to comprehend unless they have been there. Hope you find some relief soon!

[[He...]]

My mind keeps spiraling into insanity. It is like all my instincts and thoughts are the opposite of my values and I don't know who I am. Feel like I am being beaten to a pulp by intrusive, negative, scary thoughts or by some horrible spirit.

 

I can't remember what I did five minutes ago. Thought for sure I grabbed vitamins and AD med this morning and now don't know if I took them or not.

 

Withdraw? My brain has left the reservation. Wish I could say that this is an exaggeration, but reality is probably even worse!

 

Can anyone relate? Is this withdraw or am I mentally ill?

 

 

I relate. You are unbalanced.

 

AD worsen my state. thats all I can say.

 

I took around 9 months after going off benzos and ads to feel more me than not me.

 

But yourself will be back when your thoughts change, when your brain chemistry comes back.

[[va...]]

Thanks Health,

Just hope this new me is temporary and I eventually am able to connect with myself and values.

 

Right now my brain feels absolutely damaged.

 

Thanks again!

[[He...]]

Thanks Health,

Just hope this new me is temporary and I eventually am able to connect with myself and values.

 

Right now my brain feels absolutely damaged.

 

Thanks again!

 

yes, and it will looks like while your rbain chemistry is not balanced.

 

So make everything you can do to balance it. And in your state you need to practice dont care about thoughts. dont give value. I know its hard. But keep practicing. This is a very slow process.

[[va...]]

Thanks again, Health.

 

Yep. Knowing that these thought are not me is key. So hard to do, but have to keep moving forward despite this feeling.

[[SS...]]

i started making checklists for things i know i need to do on a daily basis so that i can ensure i do them..... crazy - i feel like a child again....

 

the terrible thoughts really are awful.  i have moments of clarity where i can recall thoughts i had.  just not sure how the brain does this and shame on the medical community for allowing these meds to be used beyond the 2 weeks they were studied for....

[[He...]]

Thanks again, Health.

 

Yep. Knowing that these thought are not me is key. So hard to do, but have to keep moving forward despite this feeling.

 

the thoughts are produced by your brain, but your brain is under extreme unbalance.

 

It normal have anxiety about something in normal life's days, and sadness. WHAT IS NOT NORMAL IS EXPERIENCE SEVERE ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, ETC DURING ALL THESE MONTHS.

 

thats why our head changes the thoughts. Because thoughts depend on emotions, and our emotions are just not working.

 

Once you archive the normal brain chemistry, the thoughts will come back.

 

But your conscious part have also some power in the process, so you can tell your brain you dont worry with it and you dont care. Its hard because all th thoughts you have are weird. But you have to keep saying that. While your brain cheistry is not balanced theres not much you can do. You can do things to help it.

 

Wht do you do to in your days?

 

 

Now I think Ive turned my brain chemistry. Because most of my thoughts are positive and normal. I still have a fraction which is not.

 

This is confusing because we are used everything we think we can identify. Our brain is composed by several parts, each one responsible by something. Under benzo and ad WD everything is unbalanced, some areas dont work, others work bad, others are unsynchronized, cod fog is there...etc.. wrong connections will appear (and when youo are balanced its easy to remove)

 

How do you want to feel "yourself"?

 

 

I had mental confusion, in which the thoughts could appear in random order, it was hell. But with time, and with diet,exercice,5htp,massages,etc, its much better.

 

And dont forget, you still yourself. But your brain is sick, as in another disease. When people are sick, their thoughts also change. The body chemistry affects the brain and our states.

 

But benzo WD is not natural. we have to suffer a big chemical unbalance.... so this takes months...

 

 

keep this in mind.

[[va...]]

Thanks Health,

 

Great explanation. My days are spent mostly at a desk, drawing. Which has become more and more challenging. I go to the gym about 3 times a week. Again, challenging! Cannot run anymore because of knees, but do weights and cardio. Have been doing hot yoga which helps a little. Do smoothies everyday. Kale, coconut oil, berries, whey, spinach. It's just I feel progressively weaker all the time and now the mental stuff.

 

Just want to have energy and joy again.

[[He...]]

Thanks Health,

 

Great explanation. My days are spent mostly at a desk, drawing. Which has become more and more challenging. I go to the gym about 3 times a week. Again, challenging! Cannot run anymore because of knees, but do weights and cardio. Have been doing hot yoga which helps a little. Do smoothies everyday. Kale, coconut oil, berries, whey, spinach. It's just I feel progressively weaker all the time and now the mental stuff.

 

Just want to have energy and joy again.

 

you will get it. Keep trying and wait some months.

[[Ma...]]

I can relate to the dark, negative, scary thought. Even the feeling that there is some evil spirit pursuing me. Sometimes I felt like I heard voices, but they were really just my out-of-control thoughts amplified. I think it is withdrawal, and for me, OCD. There is a whole strain of "purely obsessional OCD" (pure O), that I've dealt with since I was a teenager, but the volume is, sometimes, way up with withdrawal. It might be worth searching this: you basically fixate on thoughts that are absurd, or are against your values. You become afraid that you will act on these thoughts, and really are just tortured by thoughts that are not in your control and are often repugnant to you.

 

This is just me, but your post made me think of this.

[[Tw...]]

I'm in the exact same boat with the physical weakness progressing lately and the memeory issues. My exercise is surfing and I can just tell by how I have to drag myself out vs. before it was no issue. My joints and neck and shoulders hurt so damn bad. It's like I'm loosing weight and feel my muscles tighten at the same time. I'm just saying to myself, your not crazy, this shit is crazy, just push. The day I can't push is the day benzos beat me.

[[Re...]]

You're not alone in this. It is definitely related to withdrawal and it will pass when your brain heals. It's crazy making. We have to gently remind ourselves that our brains are sick and telling us untrue things. I'm sending everyone's brains loads of love.

[[va...]]

Thanks much guys!

 

Sorry everyone is struggling, but it does give comfort that we are all experiencing similar, crazy stuff. I know this experience helps us gain strengths we never would have otherwise. Just finding patience and perseverance is key.

 

We will all get through this

[[Re...]]

Thanks much guys!

 

Sorry everyone is struggling, but it does give comfort that we are all experiencing similar, crazy stuff. I know this experience helps us gain strengths we never would have otherwise. Just finding patience and perseverance is key.

 

We will all get through this

 

It is comforting and validating and makes me feel a little less crazy and alone. Thank you for sharing your experience.