Almost 1 year mark - some unwanted thoughts are my last symptom

[[He...]]

So, my symptoms were:

 

Agoraphobia, Agitation, Anxiety, Apathy, Anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure), Crying, Depression, Despair, Dysphoria, Fear (generalized fear), Fear of dying, Fear of losing control and going insane, Fearing symptoms are not withdrawal, Fearing that you will never get better, Fear of life, Fear that symptoms are permanent, Feeling emotional, Feeling frightened, Feeling hopeless, Frustration, Inability to appreciate humour and laugh, Inability to feel emoticons, Inability to feel joy, Inability to feel pleasure, Internal feeling of anxiety with no corresponding, external cause, Irrational fears, Irritability, Lonliness, Low mood, Nervousness, No feelings of fun or laughter, tinnitus, Obsessive thoughts, Overwhelmed feeling, Rapid mood fluctuations, Sensitive feelings, Severe negative looping thoughts, Terror, Hypervigilence about symptoms, Difficulty in distracting oneself, Feeling disconnected, Feeling drugged, Feeling freaked out, Feeling like a zombie, Feeling numb, Feeling scared, Feeling that you're just going crazy, Feeling traumatised, Feeling unreal, Getting worried over small things, Horrid and morbid visions, Images and songs keep repeating in mind, Inability to relax or sit still, Intrusive thoughts, Jumpiness, Loss of sense of identity, Misperceptions, Obsessive and compulsive thinking (OCD), Intrusive toughts, tinnitus, Pacing, Panic attacks, Racing thoughts, Reduced stress tolerance, intrusive memories, Thinking you are mentally ill, Unwarranted feelings of guilt, Vivid dreams, Weird thinking, Weird feeling, Derealisation, Depersonalisation, Distortion of body image, Feeling like legs and arms are not attached to body, Confusion, Disorientation, Can't do tasks like make food, Difficulty reading, Difficulty thinking, Impaired cognitive skills, Impaired communication skills, Inability to focus, Inability to function, Inability to learn, Jumbled thoughts, Lack of concentration, Memory and comprehension problems,Inability to think,  Poor judgement, Poor memory, Short-term memory problems, Slow thinking processes, Avoiding friends and people, Inability to occupy oneself, Bloodshot eyes, Blurry vision, Difficulty seeing, Flashes of light in the eyes, Fuzzy eyes, Glassy eyes, Pressure in the inner ear and outer ear, Red burning eyes, Sore eyes, Swollen eyes, Tearing eyes, Uncontrolled eye movement, Buzzing noises, Chest pains, Fast heartbeat, Heart palpitations, Severe pain chest, Tightness in chest, feels twisted, Cranial tightness (felt my head was decompressing), Face spasms, Inner tension, Muscle spasms, Rigidness and jerks, Muscle aches, Muscle cramping, Muscle tension, Muscle weakness (especially in the legs, arms and hands), Tension in neck, Tight achy muscles, Tight jaw and temple, Tight head, Tight muscles in left leg, Tight muscles in neck and shoulders, Gas, Knot in stomach, Loss of appetite and weight loss, Severe pain in stomach, Dry mouth, Severe head pain, Difficulty breathing, Intolerance to music, Sensitive to music, Sensitive to loud noises, Brain nerve pain, "Electric shock" sensations, brain zaps, Anxiety dreams, Frequent awakenings during the night, Horrific nightmares, Hypnagogic hallucinations, Jolts that wake you up, Lack of deep sleep, Poor sleep, Rebound REM sleep, Severe insomnia and tiredness, Weird dreams, Brain fog, Frozen feeling (like I need to get up and do something but can't do the action), Lack of energy, Lack of motivation, Loss of sex drive, Mental and physical exhaustion.

 

Im almost at month 12.

 

My last month was 95%. My last symptoms are: intrusive ocd, sleep is not perfect but is very good.

 

All the other symptoms are gone. I dont have cog fog anymore. I can do everything I did before

 

What im dealing is: I feel my mind clear and I feel that if I forgot 2 or 3 thought patterns, I would be 100% healed. I dont feel my mind is ocd, I dont feel me obsessive, I DONT CREATE ANY NEW OCD THOUGHTS/OBSESSIONS. Im very calm in general. However, these 2-3 trains of thoughts that come from when I was ocd, still here.

 

They are weaker, but they still come and they come with bad feelings. I cant control them. I feel Im myself again, but with these thoughts in my head, even they dont represent my personality.

 

I feel control allover my head, with the exception of these thoughts. And when they appear, I feel a weird sensation in my brain.

 

So: after WD, I dont have ocd, I didnt have it before WD. I relate with this. I feel now that what Im doing is remove the mental trash that was produced during WD. Removing the wrong connections that my brain created without my permission

 

But now, even I sleep 6h, I feel me with lots of energy as I didnt have before. I feel me healthier, my problem still some thoughts.

 

When these thoughts are removed, I consider myself 100% healed.

 

Hope this post gives hope to those who are suffering ocd for the first time, and for those who have my symptoms and others

 

Keep going 

[[Kl...]]

Sounds like you are so close! That's great!

[[fo...]]

Hi health, I'm on my 6th month off benzos and I was wondering when did your agoraphobia first start to go away? Mines is really bad, I get panic attacks whenever I go out ):

[[He...]]

Hi health, I'm on my 6th month off benzos and I was wondering when did your agoraphobia first start to go away? Mines is really bad, I get panic attacks whenever I go out ):

 

I never had it before.

 

My agora fobia was fear of losing control in public and see persons in my state, and doing something like screaming.

 

This was the beggining of acute. But maybe its more ocd. I had also panick attacks.

 

What I did was going there and feel the panic, the anxiety and the thoughts multiple times.

Then I forgot it and lose the fear. I provoque the thoughts and felt the anxiety they gave me until the end. Then they didnt appear again and after acute I forgot everything about it. Now Im normal as ever, I dont feel going to anywhere. ts all about stupid thoughts.

 

You must instead of trying they dont appear, provoque them.

 

But I had much more mental symptoms, agorafobia was "easy". I know its hard for most of people

 

But I was always a social person

[[Fa...]]

Congratulations Healthfirst for courage and strength to make this journey to the other side...

I loof forward to reading your success story.

[[3b...]]

Congrats!

I have a question... how do you know these things are gone? I have things also, that have gone away, but I'm always sitting wondering if they are going to return. How do you get the confidence to say they are really really gone?

[[He...]]

Congrats!

I have a question... how do you know these things are gone? I have things also, that have gone away, but I'm always sitting wondering if they are going to return. How do you get the confidence to say they are really really gone?

 

Thats true I dont know if they come back.

 

My criterion is if I dont have them for one month stable.

 

But I feel me clear, so I dont expect my chemistry come back to acute again.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Healthfirst, that's wonderful that so many symptoms have disappeared! I was wondering when your muscle tightness/achiness got better, particularly in the neck/jaw/upper back? That's a big problem I have right now.

[[He...]]

Hi Healthfirst, that's wonderful that so many symptoms have disappeared! I was wondering when your muscle tightness/achiness got better, particularly in the neck/jaw/upper back? That's a big problem I have right now.

 

around month 5, then at month 7 my tension was only in neck. And until now it is almost gone. Sometimes I have a litle tension in neck, but is due the thoughts. When I dont think in them, I dont have.

[[Re...]]

This is amazing news! I hope you stick around here to share your success story. I'm cheering for you. xoxo

[[Su...]]

I have to say at a little under 2 months I have every symptom on that list. I predominant fear of late is that its just me and not withdrawal, which you've actually listed as a symptom I see. Thats great that you are feeling much better, I cant wait till I get to 12 months, if only we could fast forward time. Anyway thanks for your post its a reminder that what Im going through is withdrawal and it will get better

[[He...]]

I have to say at a little under 2 months I have every symptom on that list. I predominant fear of late is that its just me and not withdrawal, which you've actually listed as a symptom I see. Thats great that you are feeling much better, I cant wait till I get to 12 months, if only we could fast forward time. Anyway thanks for your post its a reminder that what Im going through is withdrawal and it will get better

 

Keep working! Its so hard, I know it. If you dont feel yourself, dont worry, you will be back when your brain is balanced. Until there, keep working and keep in mind that its not your permanent state. If you have any questions please ask me.

 

Im not healed but most of my moments are healed.

 

Keep working 

[[Ex...]]

So, my symptoms were:

 

Agoraphobia, Agitation, Anxiety, Apathy, Anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure), Crying, Depression, Despair, Dysphoria, Fear (generalized fear), Fear of dying, Fear of losing control and going insane, Fearing symptoms are not withdrawal, Fearing that you will never get better, Fear of life, Fear that symptoms are permanent, Feeling emotional, Feeling frightened, Feeling hopeless, Frustration, Inability to appreciate humour and laugh, Inability to feel emoticons, Inability to feel joy, Inability to feel pleasure, Internal feeling of anxiety with no corresponding, external cause, Irrational fears, Irritability, Lonliness, Low mood, Nervousness, No feelings of fun or laughter, tinnitus, Obsessive thoughts, Overwhelmed feeling, Rapid mood fluctuations, Sensitive feelings, Severe negative looping thoughts, Terror, Hypervigilence about symptoms, Difficulty in distracting oneself, Feeling disconnected, Feeling drugged, Feeling freaked out, Feeling like a zombie, Feeling numb, Feeling scared, Feeling that you're just going crazy, Feeling traumatised, Feeling unreal, Getting worried over small things, Horrid and morbid visions, Images and songs keep repeating in mind, Inability to relax or sit still, Intrusive thoughts, Jumpiness, Loss of sense of identity, Misperceptions, Obsessive and compulsive thinking (OCD), Intrusive toughts, tinnitus, Pacing, Panic attacks, Racing thoughts, Reduced stress tolerance, intrusive memories, Thinking you are mentally ill, Unwarranted feelings of guilt, Vivid dreams, Weird thinking, Weird feeling, Derealisation, Depersonalisation, Distortion of body image, Feeling like legs and arms are not attached to body, Confusion, Disorientation, Can't do tasks like make food, Difficulty reading, Difficulty thinking, Impaired cognitive skills, Impaired communication skills, Inability to focus, Inability to function, Inability to learn, Jumbled thoughts, Lack of concentration, Memory and comprehension problems,Inability to think,  Poor judgement, Poor memory, Short-term memory problems, Slow thinking processes, Avoiding friends and people, Inability to occupy oneself, Bloodshot eyes, Blurry vision, Difficulty seeing, Flashes of light in the eyes, Fuzzy eyes, Glassy eyes, Pressure in the inner ear and outer ear, Red burning eyes, Sore eyes, Swollen eyes, Tearing eyes, Uncontrolled eye movement, Buzzing noises, Chest pains, Fast heartbeat, Heart palpitations, Severe pain chest, Tightness in chest, feels twisted, Cranial tightness (felt my head was decompressing), Face spasms, Inner tension, Muscle spasms, Rigidness and jerks, Muscle aches, Muscle cramping, Muscle tension, Muscle weakness (especially in the legs, arms and hands), Tension in neck, Tight achy muscles, Tight jaw and temple, Tight head, Tight muscles in left leg, Tight muscles in neck and shoulders, Gas, Knot in stomach, Loss of appetite and weight loss, Severe pain in stomach, Dry mouth, Severe head pain, Difficulty breathing, Intolerance to music, Sensitive to music, Sensitive to loud noises, Brain nerve pain, "Electric shock" sensations, brain zaps, Anxiety dreams, Frequent awakenings during the night, Horrific nightmares, Hypnagogic hallucinations, Jolts that wake you up, Lack of deep sleep, Poor sleep, Rebound REM sleep, Severe insomnia and tiredness, Weird dreams, Brain fog, Frozen feeling (like I need to get up and do something but can't do the action), Lack of energy, Lack of motivation, Loss of sex drive, Mental and physical exhaustion.

 

Im almost at month 12.

 

My last month was 95%. My last symptoms are: intrusive ocd, sleep is not perfect but is very good.

 

All the other symptoms are gone. I dont have cog fog anymore. I can do everything I did before

 

What im dealing is: I feel my mind clear and I feel that if I forgot 2 or 3 thought patterns, I would be 100% healed. I dont feel my mind is ocd, I dont feel me obsessive, I DONT CREATE ANY NEW OCD THOUGHTS/OBSESSIONS. Im very calm in general. However, these 2-3 trains of thoughts that come from when I was ocd, still here.

 

They are weaker, but they still come and they come with bad feelings. I cant control them. I feel Im myself again, but with these thoughts in my head, even they dont represent my personality.

 

I feel control allover my head, with the exception of these thoughts. And when they appear, I feel a weird sensation in my brain.

 

So: after WD, I dont have ocd, I didnt have it before WD. I relate with this. I feel now that what Im doing is remove the mental trash that was produced during WD. Removing the wrong connections that my brain created without my permission

 

But now, even I sleep 6h, I feel me with lots of energy as I didnt have before. I feel me healthier, my problem still some thoughts.

 

When these thoughts are removed, I consider myself 100% healed.

 

Hope this post gives hope to those who are suffering ocd for the first time, and for those who have my symptoms and others

 

Keep going 

 

That's awesome! I feel pretty similar. I still have a few thoughts. I still wake up in a bit of a fog, but it clears up later in the day. I have slight light sensitivity, and I still struggle with lack of  energy on somedays. But for the most part my symptoms are gone. I have moments throughout the day where I feel 100% I hope to finally wake up and have no symptoms. The few symptoms I have left still bother me,and I get down about it, but I'm hopeful my success story is coming soon. Aug. 17 will be 13 months for me. I got confused and thought I was still in month 12, but it's actually about to be 13 months. I'm able to do everything I did before, and I'mm starting to feel happy and alive again, so that's awesome.  I'm happy to hear you are doing so much better. I pray that before this month ends, we both are at 100%

[[SS...]]

this really is an inspiring update - thanks for sharing - it gives those of us still going through the worst of it - real hope!!