Everyday feels exactly the same :(

[[Fa...]]

I am over 2 months off from about 6.5 weeks use and still not having any signs of significant improvement. It's really hard when I read posts about other people experiencing Windows/waves who were on the meds long term or at higher doses long before 2 months. This is like pure torture every single day. I just want to feel even a little better or sleep more anything would be great at this point! I was on kind of a high dose for short term and did a rapid taper but can anyone else relate to this? Do the Windows happen gradually or all of a sudden? I just don't get it. Feeling worn down from this now and hoping something gets better for us all really soon!!! Any words of hope?

[[gg...]]

Hi Faery so sorry to hear your suffering. I also had the same issue in I took benzo's for only 5 weeks with a quick taper. I was also drinking while on them:(

 

I also had barely any relief from them and my first 2 months of withdrawal were really bad. I also lost 30lbs

 

I'm hitting 6 months tomorrow and I am sorry to say I am still suffering from some symptoms that I am halfway convinced are not withdrawal considering how short I was on them. I'm having anxiety, depression, head pressure and severe tinnitus still.

 

In general I am having windows most every night after 8pm and I had a full day window over a week ago...but terrible waves since then.

 

Please inbox me for more tips on surviving for I have to run now

[[Re...]]

For many people the first three months after cessation are the worst. (acute phase) It's not unusual and I hope it passes for you quicker than that.

[[Fa...]]

Thank you Red Sky...I really appreciate it! I hope so too and I hope you start feeling better soon as well!! 

[[SS...]]

tomorrow is 7 weeks off for me - not sure if my experience is much worse because i did a cold turkey not knowing it.  but this does feel like hell..... started with an unprovoked panic attack at 9pm.  if i ever manage to sleep its from 830 to 1230 - so - probably another night of many with zero sleep...... this is just insane.  i had read on many of the treatment center sites that 8 weeks is kind of where things "peak" and then you should possibly level off and perhaps expect gradual improvements..... from what i've read here - that doesnt sound realistic and that maybe 12 weeks is the magic number.  but even so - sounds like many people suffer for months or years and its hard to think about being stuck like this for that length of time. 

 

about to watch yet another movie.  for me - exercise actually aggravates things so no way to get out all this pent up distress and energy......

 

praying for all of us that relief comes soon.  i have had lots of windows in my first few weeks - not sure if that is any indication of when healing will happen but to some extent they are torture because they come to an end and you are thrown back into hell.... gaining and losing again feels hard but i guess since some people don't have any windows - its important to be grateful when they occur

[[Fa...]]

I pray for us all as well...I have to believe it will get better soon even if it won't. I have read that too but it doesn't seem realistic to me either now that I'm past 8 weeks and things are still so bad. I hope 12 weeks will show more progress! From what I have learned here so far windows are a good sign of healing. When you had Windows were you completely symptom free? Still not really sure how that works. I do feel a little better in the evenings but never a moment with no symptoms at all. Still only getting a few hours of sleep (I think) it's so hard to tell since I try to avoid looking at the clock and try to go back to sleep once I wake up but it never happens. Ugh it's like a nightmare on repeat!

[[Re...]]

I pray for us all as well...I have to believe it will get better soon even if it won't. I have read that too but it doesn't seem realistic to me either now that I'm past 8 weeks and things are still so bad. I hope 12 weeks will show more progress! From what I have learned here so far windows are a good sign of healing. When you had Windows were you completely symptom free? Still not really sure how that works. I do feel a little better in the evenings but never a moment with no symptoms at all. Still only getting a few hours of sleep (I think) it's so hard to tell since I try to avoid looking at the clock and try to go back to sleep once I wake up but it never happens. Ugh it's like a nightmare on repeat!

 

I have only had a couple windows in the last 7 months. For me they are not completely symptom free, I'm just more able to accomplish things and interact with other humans for a short time. Some of my symptoms are continuous and others come in waves. My first 3 months I had all the symptoms all the time with no break. Please know that no matter how long this acute phase lasts that it will get better and you will heal. xoxo

[[SS...]]

Faery 23 - it seems you and i have a similar background in terms of the short term use only you did a taper.  it is almost inconceivable that such a short term use can hit as hard a blow as this has...... it doesnt sound as if this is any different than those who used for a decade..... so - i guess maybe length of use doesnt matter - its more that the brain developed tolerance..... i hate to say it brings comfort to read someone else is experiencing the same thing - no one believes this is happening and feel i must just be having a nervous break down.... i sit here shaking from no sleep and pray and pray and pray for all of us that we turn the corner.  i do hope you are sleeping right now.  its 240.  i've tried a few times but i've learned if i lay down and nothing happens that i need to leave my bed and sit downstairs.  i just hope panic attack #2 for the night passes soon.  i have no idea how to alleviate the horrible distress within my body.  i honestly believed the human body would have caved by now and resorted to sleeping.... anyway - certainly keep us posted if you start to sleep.  you are about 3 weeks ahead of me  - i think - from your last dose date.  its 7 weeks for me today.  at the beginning people said it would be 14 bad days, then it was well, maybe 4 weeks, then well, maybe 8 weeks.  all based on the fact that i had only taken it for a short time.... now people are saying 12 weeks  .  the target keeps moving but i guess we need to find something to look forward to and pray as each potential milestone comes - that we actually get lucky and feel the progress....

 

good luck - will be praying for you, me and everyone else going through this

[[Fa...]]

Thank you SSR1975...I will pray for you as well! I was still attempting to sleep until a few hours ago now I have given up. Even a nap once in a while would be amazing but I can't even seem to manage that so far. It really is crazy that these meds can have such a lasting impact after a short time on them. I am sure that it's withdrawal never questioned that but it is hard to convince anyone else of it tho least of all the doctors! They all have denied that it is possible to still be having problems this far out...how can they still be so clueless with so many people suffering?!? My family can't understand and I don't expect them to but they have no idea how bad it really is!!! I have read a lot about people who did a slow taper healing faster but even that doesn't seem guaranteed. Holding on for week 12 and hoping things will start to ease up significantly for us both by then!!! All we can do is ride it out and hope for the best and even though it's hard not knowing how I will feel by then I am almost afraid to know what the future holds I never thought it was possible to go this long without sleep either but I will let you know if it improves and keep me updated on your progress as well. I will be thinking of you!

[[Fa...]]

Red Sky you are a true warrior to make it through 7 months of this so far! I honestly don't how anyone can cope with such long term chaos like this! I know we will all eventually make it somehow I just wish there was a way to make it even just a little more tolerable! I hope you find some relief very soon you deserve it for sure!!! I was just laying here having chest pains and freaking myself out since I have a blood clotting disorder every chest or leg pain makes me think I have something seriously wrong have been to the ER several times already I can't even go back there they just look at me like I'm crazy and don't take anything seriously or help at all. This is truly the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life and I have not had it easy at all. I will hope for you to soon be free of this all! Keep hanging on!!!

[[pu...]]

Windows will come out of nowhere! Hang in there.

[[Fa...]]

Thank you for the encouragement! It really does help

[[Re...]]

Red Sky you are a true warrior to make it through 7 months of this so far! I honestly don't how anyone can cope with such long term chaos like this! I know we will all eventually make it somehow I just wish there was a way to make it even just a little more tolerable! I hope you find some relief very soon you deserve it for sure!!! I was just laying here having chest pains and freaking myself out since I have a blood clotting disorder every chest or leg pain makes me think I have something seriously wrong have been to the ER several times already I can't even go back there they just look at me like I'm crazy and don't take anything seriously or help at all. This is truly the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life and I have not had it easy at all. I will hope for you to soon be free of this all! Keep hanging on!!!

 

Most of us can relate to the holy-crap-everything-in-my-body-is-malfunctioning-at-once panic! Someone mentioned that benzo withdrawal turns you into a temporary hypochondriac. It's so true. It really does feel like I have developed many new diseases and brain disorders. I've had my thyroid tested several times, other hormones, electrolytes, vitamin levels, etc. Because of the pressure in my head I'm worried I have a brain tumor or embolism. The doctors think I'm crazy too and I AM right now! I know that I'm fine and this will pass but I'm NOT fine! LOL I sound so crazy and as I type this I can't believe any of us is able to speak in complete sentences. So much love to all of you and we are making it through this disastrous time.

[[Fa...]]

Yes I am for sure feeling pretty crazy and not fine at all! Really fighting the urge to become a full fledged hypochondriac but it's hard!!! It's like if we could know for sure that it's only WD we could just ignore the symptoms easier or atleast accept them somehow but so much of it can replicate other serious illnesses or life threatening conditions so it's hard to be sure. I have read many posts from people who actually do develop serious issues during withdrawal and health complications and it's probably all due to the fact that our bodies and immune systems are so weak and fragile cuz of this that we are susceptible to just about anything right now

[[Re...]]

Yes I am for sure feeling pretty crazy and not fine at all! Really fighting the urge to become a full fledged hypochondriac but it's hard!!! It's like if we could know for sure that it's only WD we could just ignore the symptoms easier or atleast accept them somehow but so much of it can replicate other serious illnesses or life threatening conditions so it's hard to be sure. I have read many posts from people who actually do develop serious issues during withdrawal and health complications and it's probably all due to the fact that our bodies and immune systems are so weak and fragile cuz of this that we are susceptible to just about anything right now

 

I know! This suffering is seriously confusing. I hope that for you it is only withdrawal and not anything new and serious. xoxo

[[Re...]]

"I have only had a couple windows in the last 7 months."

 

Hahaaa I can't count. It's been 6 months. My memory and cognitive malfunctions for the win... I only noticed my goof when I got a ticker tracker thingy in my signature.

[[Fa...]]

Lol I completely understand! I'm having a hard time with that too...I think I am way too focused on the suffering to make any rational sense of the real world right now! How did you get the ticker?

[[Re...]]

Lol I completely understand! I'm having a hard time with that too...I think I am way too focused on the suffering to make any rational sense of the real world right now! How did you get the ticker?

 

If you click on my ticker it will take you to the page. To create your own, go to their home page, scroll down a little, choose Event from the lists, enter your quit date and "Benzo free" in the event box. After customizing the appearance, copy the bbCode and paste it into your signature under your forum profile settings. 

[[Fa...]]

Ok thanks!