i can't anymore..

[[Lo...]]

Ive tried and tried for months and months to get therapy, talk to a friend, stay strong on this taper.

But I'm at my wits ends, i can't deal with this torture, especially the mental one. I read a few post and i swore id rather deal with the mental stuff vs the physical but honestly.

Today still waking up with this calf pain, taking a nap, taking two tylenols and STILL WITH THIS CALF PAIN HOW CAN I NOT THINK ITS A BLOOD CLOT?!

the ER is probably so tired of seeing me thats why they didn't run any test and discharged me!

i can't anymore, i don't even wanna get out of bed or do anything with my daughter cause i fear anything i do will kill me faster!!

i can't take this mental crap constantly fearing and thinking the worst, not being awake is the only time i feel good and not afraid..

 

i can't anymore guys i can't  :'(

[[ne...]]

You can and you will. Each day is another day closer to the end. I have had the thought "I can't" more times than I could possibly count. But I did. Somehow. One moment at a time.

[[Ni...]]

You're bigger than all of this Duck

 

Where you are now, I was once. So were many on here. We all had days - in my case, many, many of them, where we had to manage one five-minute stretch at a time.

 

If that is what is needed - then supply it. You don't have to "do" anything. Time is the healer.

 

 

[[Iw...]]

LovelyDuck

 

I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.  I'm sick of this whole thing-I Judy want to be the before Benzo person I was-but I'm not going to get there and neither will you-YOU WILL BE BETTER THAN BEFORE. 

I can empathisize with you-I do have one physical symptom that I would trade for almost anything.  But then there is the depression-had that before tapering but not at this level.  I'd love to be rid of that.  So it's a day to day thing-sometimes-morning to afternoon-all you can do is do your best-give yourself a break, be kind to yourself and then the word everyone despises-distract. 

 

I'm not a fan of updosing but do you think you would be more stable if you went back to your last dose and held? 

 

I want to alleviate your pain and suffering I just don't know how and don't know the right words to say.  I know this:  you are NOT alone.  You are loved here and everyone is wanting the best for you.  Keep fighting!  Sending healing thoughts and hugs.  Let us know how it is going. 

 

[[...]]

So sorry you are suffering! I wish I could make it go away! I'm sending my love, support and understanding!

[[ta...]]

stay strong it can get alot worse i was weening off my pills for 3 years went through a million hospital visits. upon finally getting to my last mg i was on a snowboard trip and hit my head and developed epilepsy. 3 years of hard work out the window. take a hot bath put an ice pack on your head and do some deep breathing. take one day at a time and be thankful your alive. the more your grateful for what you DO have the more good things will come to you

[[Lo...]]

You can and you will. Each day is another day closer to the end. I have had the thought "I can't" more times than I could possibly count. But I did. Somehow. One moment at a time.

 

Thank you !! 

[[Lo...]]

You're bigger than all of this Duck

 

Where you are now, I was once. So were many on here. We all had days - in my case, many, many of them, where we had to manage one five-minute stretch at a time.

 

If that is what is needed - then supply it. You don't have to "do" anything. Time is the healer.

 

 

 

Time.. i try to remind myself all the time & sometimes its just hard but thank you for your kind words!

[[Lo...]]

LovelyDuck

 

I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.  I'm sick of this whole thing-I Judy want to be the before Benzo person I was-but I'm not going to get there and neither will you-YOU WILL BE BETTER THAN BEFORE. 

I can empathisize with you-I do have one physical symptom that I would trade for almost anything.  But then there is the depression-had that before tapering but not at this level.  I'd love to be rid of that.  So it's a day to day thing-sometimes-morning to afternoon-all you can do is do your best-give yourself a break, be kind to yourself and then the word everyone despises-distract. 

 

I'm not a fan of updosing but do you think you would be more stable if you went back to your last dose and held? 

 

I want to alleviate your pain and suffering I just don't know how and don't know the right words to say.  I know this:  you are NOT alone.  You are loved here and everyone is wanting the best for you.  Keep fighting!  Sending healing thoughts and hugs.  Let us know how it is going.

 

i think maybe i just cut to much of my dose, and I'm also on my month cycle so my hormones are all over the place and I'm a week into my new cut. Im just a mess but thank you for your kind words! i try to tell myself I've gotten this low of a dose from being at 1mg to now at 0,0625mg which is almost nothing!

[[Lo...]]

So sorry you are suffering! I wish I could make it go away! I'm sending my love, support and understanding!

 

Trust me, i wish we all could take each others pains and suffering away.

this sucks !

thank you!

[[Lo...]]

stay strong it can get alot worse i was weening off my pills for 3 years went through a million hospital visits. upon finally getting to my last mg i was on a snowboard trip and hit my head and developed epilepsy. 3 years of hard work out the window. take a hot bath put an ice pack on your head and do some deep breathing. take one day at a time and be thankful your alive. the more your grateful for what you DO have the more good things will come to you

 

:'( I try to tell myself that, i could be A LOT WORSE! & yet I'm not and i need to be extremely grateful for that..

sometimes this withdrawal makes me lose sight of what I'm really blessed with even through all of the bad.

thank you!

[[ly...]]

 

 

When I got to .325mg xanax I started cutting only .03 every 30 days.  This was preceded by a 4 month hold because I had gone waaay too fast from 1mg to .325mg.  If you don't have a reason to rush I would slow it way down, maybe updose and definitely hold until I felt better.

 

I agree with you that the mental sxs are worse.  If you were well mentally you could handle the physical.  I've had both depression and anxiety for years prior to taper and then only physical on wd.  My depression and anxiety were horrific.  The physical, no matter how bad, is much easier to deal with.

 

I hope you feel better soon.  See my signature.  My jump (walk-off) has been easy and the last .325 of my taper was pretty mild. 

[[So...]]

You can do this honestly! We are the same age and I jumped almost 4 months ago and I am pretty much healed, I tapered fast and jumped at .125 and it was hell for about two months but around month 2.5 I felt SOOOOOO much better and it just kept getting better. Every week I would have maybe a day or 2 where I was tired or a bit fatigued but I really just had to push through it to get the good stuff and life is pretty much wonderful again despite some awful stuff in my personal life I can handle things so much better now, honestly we are all benzo warriors and we are SO strong. You've got this girl!