Trusting yourself

[[ka...]]

I have a question for all the rest of you.  Did anyone on here suffer with the OCD fear that they didn't really want to get well?  I've dealt SEVERELY recently with the feeling that I just KNOW I'm never going to be okay.  Today is my first wedding anniversary, and I spent the day being upset about my husband wishing us many more, because I feel inside that I won't still be here.  That has been my biggest issue.  The intrusive thoughts and fears, combined with an almost delusional depression.  Anybody else?

[[Re...]]

I don't think I've met a single person in benzo withdrawal who didn't have this issue. For me it's the worst symptom. The feeling of being permanently damaged is so overwhelming it becomes more like knowledge than a passing feeling. And because there is nothing except time to heal us it starts to seem that death is the only way to end the suffering. You're right that the depression is delusional. We have to gently remind ourselves that our brains are temporarily damaged and they are lying to us while they are in this state of brokenness. Just because they are telling us we will never be well doesn't mean it's true.

[[He...]]

Ive been there. Dont start to think you are delusional, because your ocd will make you fear it, and you will try dont have the thoughts and you will have worst thoughts.

 

The key is dont fear and be aware when your neurotransmitters are better your thoughts will come better.

 

Are you taking any Anti depressant? If not, I recommend 5htp.

 

And you have to do exercice so you will observe your ocd fades a lot

 

and remember, ocd is not permanent.

[[Hu...]]

redsky hit the nail on the head! I've been looking into more life insurance and how my kids are going to bury me. That keeps me going because my dad died when I was eighteen years old and I never want anyone in my family to feel that kind of pain. I know you might feel like that it's hopeless and and everything is irrelevant insignificant and meaningless. I have been to a very dark place where I thought I now know what hell would be like. It made me question my very existence! I never imagined the human brain had the capacity to go to this kind of place. What I tell myself is hell I have nothing else to do because I lost my job and everything I ever loved in my life. I am currently a cripple who is still a warrior! Micro improvements are what keep me going. I'd say I'm praying for you but right now I don't believe in god

[[Fa...]]

So sorry u r feeling this way I can relate for sure. I have other health issues along with going thru withdrawal so I think all day that I'm not going to make it thru this it just feels so impossible! I have four daughters and all I can think about all day is how I want to be here for them but never able to convince myself that I can survive after all I have been through recently. Just 6 months ago my life was completely normal and now it just feels like nothing you are not alone but I know thats not much of a comfort at times like this. I am sorry you are suffering with this as well.