The dark nights of my soul

[[...]]

It's been almost a year since withdrawal began (Sept 2), and I still struggle to sleep. It's 4:30 in the am and not a wink. Some nights are better than others. But  I've always had problems turning off stress and sleeping like a normal person. Xanex enabled me to do that. I can't go back to benzos, but I miss the feeling of  having a good night of sleep. Some days are better than others. I just wonder if at 47, I'll ever develop internal skills to deal with stress drug free and rest. It seems unlikely. I miss what xanex did for me. I rarely dream when I do sleep

[[SS...]]

i hear you - the insomnia is the worst because without sleep your body cannot heal and having coping skills is difficult.  i actually did not feel good on valium - so - i am grateful i see it as evil and no desire to ever take another pill.  you actually don't get real sleep on any benzo - it just sedates you.  but the WD suffering is immense.  i just know going back isn't going to fix the problem...... so stay strong.  like you - i barely sleep - hard to fill 20-24 hours of the day - day after day - when you don't sleep yet you can't work or do productive things.  i have watched TV series over and over.  I cannot exercise right now because it overstimulates me - so - its definitely hard making the day pass.  in my first 30 days i got less than 30 hours of sleep total.  then i had a week where i got 4 hours every night and it felt amazing.  then i lost it and got zero hours 3 nights in a row  - made the connection that i had resumed exercise seeing so many other people report how it helped them - only it backfired - i stopped the exercise and that night i slept 3.5 hours and the next night 4.5 hours.  so - it seems this is different for everyone. 

 

i pray for all of us with insomnia that we start to sleep - no question the brain and body will heal much better when sleep is happening.  sending strength and support to you

[[...]]

Thank you, I appreciate it. I've never understood the claim that benzos don't provide deep sleep. I had the best sleep of my life on them. I'm a chronic insomniac since childhood, so benzos were a great fit for me. Except the deep addiction they caused, and the agony of withdrawal when I could no longer get them. I'm not going back to them, I just don't know how to let my body rest

[[He...]]

how are your thoughts when you cant sleep