200 Days free of that stinkin' poison!

[[lo...]]

Hello Buddies!

200 days free! Aside from the waves I see improvement each month as I reflect back. I'm feeling strong enough to talk on occasion of the early days, weeks and months off. It was so horrific that for quite a long while I would say that I was grateful the DP/DR was so extreme, because I had a fairly good idea that without it I could not have gone on. If I had felt attached to my body, my life etc, it would have been more than I could bear. I would gently suggest that if you are suffering badly (as dreadful as it can feel) from that symptom try to remember and appreciate that your brain is trying to protect you from this unimaginable trauma. I know how awful this is, just keep going, please just keep going... I promise you that it gets better!

 

Many symptoms are still with me although to a lesser degree and some new symptoms pop up, but perhaps I am just noticing them because the overall intensity of all this has decreased. I'm still afraid almost all of the time, an unexplainable fear that just doesn't leave, but I believe (because I must) that some day it will lift completely. It is a whole lot better than it was, but still uncomfortable all the time. The things that are most bothersome currently: eye and visual symptoms, tinnitus, balance, dizziness, perception, internal vibrations, muscle pain, shooting pains, itching, insomnia, nausea, tooth pain, tight jaw, over active bladder, DP/DR, anxiety, fear, panic. There are more but right now those are most troublesome. 

 

I miss some of my friends, but not enough to make plans with them at this point, I just can't handle it yet. In January-May I was really concerned that I would loss all friends by not making myself available to them, I think part of the reason that seemed like such a strong possibility is because I had virtually no memory of the last year or several years, so it seemed that a lot more time had past. I worry less now and I am hopeful I will fully engage in my life again some day and those who are supposed to be there will be there. This is a big relief to me. Some friends have reached out in concern of my absents and I have started saying, "I had a bad reaction to some medication. I have been pretty ill since January, I'm better, but still have a lot of healing to do. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but time is going by and I want to make sure you know that I love you and that will not change." Then I follow up with, "I would love to hear what is going on with you." Perhaps saying this little bit and having them respond well is putting some of my fears to rest. I have told some more about my experience and that doesn't seem to go as well. You all know, they just can't understand and inevitable they make suggestion that are anything but helpful right now. Less is definitely more in my experience this year.

 

I have said it before, but for those of you who need to hear it from a Buddie again... Distraction distraction distraction. Let time go by, time is the healer, be grateful for each passing day and if you do not recognize the healing that is happening, I promise you it is happening. When I found BB I was terrified that I would never heal, because out of ignorance I didn't do any kind of taper and I was honestly too sick to do anything but survive each day. I am a world class faker when it comes to health problems, I have never liked people worrying about me, so I have always put on a happy face. In any case, I'm healing and YOU ARE TOO! If you are really honest with yourself I pray that you can see even the tiniest improvements because they will carry (or drag) you through each day! You can do this, you are doing this, just keep going.

 

You are beautiful!

You are healing!

You are strong!

You are enough!

You are love!

You are loved!

You are amazing!

 

Please give yourself the love, appreciation and respect that you deserve. You deserve it all and then some.

Eat good food, exercise if you can and give yourself a break. We are all so hard on ourselves and that will get us nowhere, it will just feed our anxiety and all our symptoms really. So, whatever is bothing you, let it go and then let it go again. Inner child meditation has been helpfull to me for this.

 

I'm so thankful for all the support I find here.

Thank you all for your kindness, love and compassion.

Peace, love and healing to ALL!

:smitten:

 

 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Wishing you the best LW!

[[be...]]

[glow=red,2,300]"CONGRATULATIONS" [/glow]Best to you and your Journey ahead, the sky is the Limit. Enjoy.

[[lo...]]

Hi Lynn, Hi Be Good,

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Hope you are both having a good day!

:smitten:

[[ly...]]

 

 

Right back atcha LW!

 

I'm having the best day!

[[lo...]]

 

 

Right back atcha LW!

 

I'm having the best day!

 

You make me smile, Lynn!!!

:smitten:

[[Re...]]

Excellent post. Thank you! Congrats on your amazing milestone!

[[Ma...]]

Congratulatins!  Keep trying,  hang on!

[[ne...]]

Thank you lovewins for writing such a beautiful and inspiring post. I can't even imagine what you mush have gone through! Congratulations!!!

[[lo...]]

Hi Recovery711, Marja2, NewOgirl,

Thank you all so much! I hope you are all having a good day

:smitten: