Acceptance

[[ka...]]

The thing I find hardest I think in all of this battle is acceptance.  Dr. Jennifer Leigh on her website www.benzowithdrawalhelp.com talks a lot about it being a pivotal part of healing.  And I'm SO bad at it.  Like really really bad.  I'm only three weeks off, come tomorrow.  But I tapered for two years, and was sick for 15 before that.  I discovered recently that I've been under the thumb of this thing since I was a kid.  I don't even know HOW to be someone outside of it.  And that's incredibly daunting. 

 

Anyone else?

[[SS...]]

Thanks for sharing your experience.  I too have read Jennifer's posts.  I am day 47, accidental cold turkey following being prescribed for a surgical procedure - unaware of the issues - just followed doctors instructions.... it's been a tough road.  I know the first few weeks since i couldn't sleep - i spent hours researching what was happening to me.  It did bring me peace to understand the scientific explanation behind what was happening to me.  I then tried to find ways to outsmart it by understanding the neurotransmitters, receptor sites, etc.,  i tried countless remedies but it was always clear within 30-90 min of taking something that it was heightening the symptoms.  so only last week  -- i came to realize acceptance was important - as i was adding to my stress level trying to "beat" or "control" what was happening.  since then - i had a huge set back which tempted me to continue to try to fight but i realize my set back was caused by exercising - so - not a supplement - but it seems the burst of endorphins and cortisol overwhelmed my fragile body and brain.... so - i think i just need to stop fighting it and just listen to my body which seems to be saying - do nothing - its unlike recovery from anything i've ever dealt with where i went full force with supplements, treatments, exercise, etc.,

 

I am amazed you managed to get married in the midst of this  congratulations on that and wishing you tons of patience, will power and success in getting this behind you.  I pray for all of us.  We are much stronger than we think that we are going through this.  Most people would have caved and gone back on the meds.  So, I thank myself every morning and night for having the strength to get through the day.

 

i should also say at first acceptance seemed like defeat or weakness but the more i fought it - the more i realized it was actually the brave and strong thing to do.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ka...]]

SSR1975-

Yeah.  It's all very insane.  My body has been in a constant, and I mean CONSTANT state of anxiety and panic for 15years.  I understand now that it's been so bad BECAUSE of the benzo.  So, I think I've adapted to it in a lot of ways.  It's how I've managed to still live all these years.  I understand that everyone has difference in their bodies.  And SO many people here are super sensitive to everything.  Not because they're weak, but simply because their bodies are so stinking confused! 

I have cleaned up my diet quite a bit.  I am working.  I worked throughout the whole thing.  I got married.  And I did it all ONLY through the grace of God and my stubbornness.  My husband has actually never known me without me being in Clonazepam withdrawal.  I met him the NIGHT I switched back over to it from Ativan.  My body is now a scarred, thickened battle hero.  And even at that it's having a horrible time coping. 

So all I can say is that yeah, you're right.  We are infinitely stronger than we could have ever imagined.  And that strength doesn't just come from within us.  God makes His strength perfect in our weakness. 

I don't have a lot of faith.  Matter of fact, my brain hardly lets me believe anything at the moment.  Apparently jumping off at even .21mg is still considered c/t.  And let me tell you it SUCKS.  But some things remain true even if we don't have the will to believe them anymore.  And that takes some of the pressure off, if we can just remember it somewhere in the back of our messed up brains. 

You're beautiful.  Your journey is beautiful, ESPECIALLY when it doesn't feel that way to you.  Especially then. 

I'd encourage you to get on here and continue doing what you're doing, encourage other people.  BUT, and this is also critical...don't get too wrapped up in your corner of hell.  Its so all encompassing.  But the way out of this is accepting, helping other people, and finding purpose outside of ourselves.  It sounds impossible to me even as I type it.  But we ARE doing it.  And there is what matters.  Smile.  Have a better day today, even if you don't feel better. 

[[He...]]

For me , acceptance, is imagine the future not as the way you would like, but using a starting point how the things realy are.It is like depression. Since ive accepted that I was in WD, i started to imagine "what can I do to improve?" instead of "I cannot believe Im in benzo WD!"

[[ka...]]

Excellent point.  The depression tho, right?  Hard core.  The intrusive thoughts, even MORE hard core.  And when you put those two things together?  Yipes.  But here we are still. 

 

[[He...]]

Excellent point.  The depression tho, right?  Hard core.  The intrusive thoughts, even MORE hard core.  And when you put those two things together?  Yipes.  But here we are still. 

 

anxiety is dont accept the fact that future has risks?

depression is dont accept something that makes you sad?

 

This is my point of view.

 

chemical depression/anxiety is different

[[Re...]]

Acceptance. Sooo hard right? It feels natural to fight it, fight for your life, battle, resist... I spent a year in a DBT class. (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)  One of the lessons is called Radical Acceptance. And it does feel radical. It's hard to fully practice acceptance because it feels like defeat, like giving up, like laying down on the job. It teaches that fighting against reality only creates more suffering. And I can see it but it's so hard to do. Mindfulness exercises help me with it. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone in the struggle with acceptance. 

[[Pe...]]

It's hard as fuck. What makes is harder is capitalism telling you that you need to be doing more and being more productive. Living in a economic system that is inherently ableist makes it even harder to accept the truth and reality of functioning (and not functioning) in withdrawal

 

I second that mindfulness meditation has been helpful for me, since it is about practicing observing the present moment with acceptance. (I say this while acknowledging that meditation is not for everyone.)