It does get better...keep fighting!

[[JR...]]

This weekend marked my 8 months anniversary since I jumped off Xanax.  I was at my nieces college graduation along with over 10,000 other people in the stands. There is no way I could've done this 3-4 months ago. I have come a long way, I'm not 100% yet, but I am back to living my life, and feeling blessed: working, performing, doing extra curricular activities and even making plans & keeping them. If this is me now, I can't wait to be at 100%

I would say I am at about 85-90%. I still get a wave here and there, but at least they are not crippling waves anymore and I tell myself this too shall pass...just keep fighting!

The road has not been easy...While tapering off Xanax, I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcenoma (Cancer in my right kidney) I was down to .25mg in the a.m. & .125mg in the p.m.  This of course made me up my dose a couple times, but I got back on track...Very tough times to be tapering off Xanax while dealing with something that can kill you, and getting news after news of things that needed to be tested and not knowing if it had spread or not. Nov. 10th, 2016 had my SURGERY for Kidney removal, everything came out great.  One month later I jumped off Xanax. I have wanted to quit and end my life a couple times, but with prayer, God, My wife and some family & friends support I have come this far and will continue this fight. On the 15th of this month I go back to the doctors for checking up on my Cancer and making sure nothing has spread.

 

What helped me

Prayer & Meditation: I knew that God was with me fighting and when I was at my weakest he would pick me up and carry me.

I would also make time to mediate daily, give yourself 15-20 minutes...if you can't meditate, listen to meditation music (there is a lot out there, find some you like) or go on you tube and listen to a guided meditation (Guided Meditation - Blissful Deep Relation by: The Honest Guys really worked for me...it is only 18min.)...I personally would do this one once a day.

 

Working out: Start slow. When I started, I walked one block a day that was it. It slowly progressed till I was walking 3 miles a day. Then I forced my self to go to the gym.  This was really tough, but I listened to mediation music while I was there started going 10-15 min. I know go 1.5-2hrs a day.  I can not stress enough, how working out is great for your healing, it really helps your brain by producing serotonin which is a natural anti-depressant.

 

Eating healthy: I completely changed my eating habits I eat a lot of fruits, vegetables, and lean meats. I cut out sugar and caffeine.

 

Finding something you love to do, this will help you focus on something you love as opposed to what you are going through: Mine is performing comedy...I didn't think I would ever get back on stage. My fear was ridiculous and my first day back I thought I was going to die...but I pushed through it and I now perform regularly. 

 

MOST IMPORTANT...STAY POSITIVE!

 

Keep fighting it does get better...I am not 100% healed yet but I am on the road there and together we will all be better soon!

God Bless & Keep fighting!

 

[[Li...]]

Thank you for your tips and advice. Thank you for giving us all hope.

God bless.

[[Ar...]]

Congratulations on your healing!  Keep the Faith.  Thank you for sharing your journey of withdrawal.  Wishing you continued health and healing. 

[[SS...]]

thanks for sharing your success - congrats - i know it was hard fought from just my 46 days into this.

 

can i ask a question about exercise?  i have read so many success stories with the tip to exercise.  Was there a time where exercise had the opposite effect for you?  i feel like i have 10,000 pounds of pressure in my body that needs to be released - and i have no problem doing 3-5 miles on the treadmill but each time i've done it - its resulted in not being able to sleep and kicking off more of a "manic" wave - pre benzo use - exercise was my go-to for stress relief so this is very paradoxical and frustrating because i have the energy and stamina to do it but it seems to make things worse.  So, just wondering if that ever happened to you and when  / how you knew it was safe to reintroduce it.  i've tried twice with such bad results I'm afraid to try it again if i get back to a good window.....

 

enjoy your hard fought freedom.  i cannot wait for my day to come !

[[JR...]]

SSR1975

 

When I started exercising it was alone in the neighborhood walking.  I would walk alone and slowly build it up to 3 miles...but, still alone and listening to meditation music.

Personally I wasn't ready to be in a gym with so many people and so many noises.  This could be what is bothering you and causing that affect. I know it did for me, crazy since I am a really social person...but going through the withdrawals made me an introvert for a while.

 

I would try to introduce some type of exercise but on your own, so you don't have so many different sensory overloads.

 

Hope this helps...and keep fighting!

[[SS...]]

Thanks - unfortunately - the workouts were in my own home..... i don't know why but when i am actually doing the power yoga or treadmill - its easy and feels good but then hours later i go into severe panic / anxiety and i can only theorize its the release of cortisol and endorphins  - that my body is not yet ready for that level of stimulation...... all i know is i had been sleeping and not working out and then saturday and sunday i did work outs and suddenly couldn't sleep - which is exactly the opposite of what you'd think..... you'd think expending that energy and getting it out of you would allow you to sleep.... i just keep having paradoxical reactions.  i didnt work out monday and last night i did sleep 3.5 hours.  so hopefully i can get back on track - getting that 4 hours made life seem bearable.  its hard to have coping skills on zero hours of sleep.....  i am just so glad people like you are sharing your success - it gives hope that there is an end to this.....

 

[[So...]]

Congrats JRXanax.  Well done!!  Very happy for you!!!

[[Su...]]

congratulations and thanks for the success story!  Always so good to read!

 

[[Fa...]]

Congratulations JRXanax! What an amazing and inspiring success story! Thank you so much for sharing the excellent advice.

I wish you continued healing...and enjoy a happy and healthy life!

[[on...]]

Congratulations!! It is quite an accomplishment to get off xanax and especially in the midst of a cancer diagnosis. You should be proud of yourself!