this can happen to anyone

[[SS...]]

Hello - i've been reading postings here for a few weeks and finally decided to join. 

 

I am/was a highly successful executive - in the pharmaceutical industry.... I know..... I earned a double degree from an ivy league school and a masters in pharmacy from one of the top schools in the country.  I knew all about the opioid addiction problem but had no idea about benzos... shame on me.  In december, 2016 I had major spine surgery.  Apparently standard protocol is to prescribe a pain med and valium for a few weeks following it.  I followed the instructions, having no idea how dangerous valium was and having no idea what a "low" or average dose was.  I just took what was prescribed - which was 10mg x 3 a day week 1, 10 mg x 2 a day week 2, 10mg x 1 a day weeks 3 and 4 and then stopped.  I had a miraculous recovery from the spine surgery, or so i thought, until about 8 weeks later - in physical therapy - i was getting too weak to do what was once easy.  I started having a difficult time tolerating the muscle stim/TENS unit.  it was making my muscles jump.  Then week 12 - i woke up passed out on the floor in my house - I live alone.  Called my mother - was rushed to the ER.  They suggested I might have POTS.  I spent hours researching it and wondered how a person who was working out 6 days a week for 20+ year, ate organic, never smoked, never used drugs of any kind, didnt even drink coffee or alcohol, could develop such a condition.  3 days later I was rushed back to the ER.  My heart rate flipping from 45 to 225.  It took 6 hours for them to stop the a-fib.  I was admitted and monitored.  For the next few weeks, on more days than not - I was in a-fib.  Rapidly getting weaker and losing my ability to work.  I was self employed as a consultant - reporting to the president of one of the top 5 pharmaceutical companies in the world.  Prior to this  - I was at the top of my A game.  Everything in life was great yet I suddenly found myself unable to handle my emotions or stress.  I ended up having a cardiac ablation - only it didnt work.  3 days after that surgery I was in a-fib 80% of the time. The cardiac surgeon told me I needed to get my "anxiety" under control.  I told him I didn't have an anxiety problem, I was having a serious medical problem...... nevertheless, I took his advice and was put back on 10mg valium - only at night .

 

Three weeks later I was rushed to the top academic hospital in our area - and underwent a 2nd ablation.  I was getting weaker , sicker and more unable to handle anything.  How could this be?  I previously thrived under pressure.  After 6 weeks back on the valium, I suddenly started having panic attacks - unprovoked.  I was shooting up in the middle of the night having horrible nightmares, if I could even sleep at all..... at that point - based on my education and training - I realized my body had reached "tolerance" to the 10mg valium.  So, I quit cold turkey that next day - having NO IDEA what I was doing..... so - that was essentially my 2nd cold turkey in a few months time - not knowing 10mg of valium was a large dose or that a taper was needed - I had spent my career working mainly in oncology....... I am now 44 days into this and as determined as ever to stay the course.  For the first 40 days I got 50 hours of sleep total.  I am not working, with no disability coverage..... But I get up each day and face the day.  I have been going to neurofeedback , meditating, breathing, doing yoga, using my treadmill, etc.,  The agoraphobia is overwhelming at times.  The panic attacks come without warning or reason.  There is a constant nagging anxiety.  The worst part is the tachycardia - my resting heart rate is 95  - prior to any of this my resting heart rate was 60 and i had no awareness my heart was even in my body.  Having just gone through 2 heart surgeries, I worry whether the repairs will hold up and now of course realize a $5 dollar prescription cost me $125,000 so far - in lost wages and therapies to try to heal myself.  It cost my health insurance company $250,000 so far in cardiac surgeries. 

 

Once I get through this - I will consider it my life mission to share what happened to me and join the forces out there to stop these medications from being prescribed in this manner.  I needed spine surgery - and I emerged having my life thrown into utter chaos.  But I am determined to win this.  I take peace in reading others stories that I am not alone.  No one in my life understands what is happening  They think i've lost my marbles and that its a matter of "choice" that I am struggling with anxiety / depression....  but I know its not my fault or my choice and I will heal from this.  What I have gathered, thanks to my medical background, is that the vagus nerve is totally disabled by this drug and our parasympathetic nervous systems have no idea how to re-engage while the sympathetic nervous system is running wild.  I have spent a lot of money on neurotransmitter, endocrine and hormone labs to understand the current state of my health so that I can track progress.... somehow this makes me feel better.

 

It gives me peace to understand the science and hope that there is a way forward.  The hardest part to accept is that some of this is just "time" - nothing can force those neurotransmitters to reset and it's hard to accept that I have no control over that after succeeding at everything I've ever tried in life.  It's a lesson in humility and patience..... so perhaps an opportunity for personal growth......

 

So, that is my very long introduction and I look forward to learning from people on this site and beating this like so many others have.....

[[me...]]

Welcome to the forum! We're glad  to have you as a new member.  You have been through quite a lot, and my heart goes out to you.  Parts of your story are similar to other members stories, however.  You'll find lots of information and support here.  Our members have been through all aspects of withdrawal, and you're likely to find  people who understand what you're going through.

 

Cold turkeying benzos under any circumstances can produce severe and sometimes long lasting symptoms, as those of us who've done it know.  As much as we'd like to control the healing process, we don't control it, and it really is time itself which heals us.  Self-distraction is a crucial skill to learn, since it helps us to avoid obsessing about our symptoms.

 

For those who are starting a new taper, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days at first, and then adjusting the taper rate to suit your own needs.  One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster.  Having some withdrawal symptoms is normal, especially near the end of a taper and for a few months after discontinuing the medication.  First/only withdrawals after a slow taper tend to be easier than multiple reinstatements/withdrawals over time, which may make symptoms worse and longer lasting. The most common symptoms are anxiety and insomnia, but there are many others. These are temporary and will go away in time.

 

Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. Section III explains and describes symptoms, and there is also a section with suggested taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[al...]]

SSRI975,

That is some story! I find it so interesting that you are in the pharma industry and really like that you are motivated and in a positon to help spread the word about the dangers of these drugs. I am however sorry that it cost you so much to find yourself in this situation.

 

Recovery my be long and it will certainly be difficult, but it will happen in its own time. You are probably in the worst period right now, but that only lasts for a portion of the overall recovery period so it will slowly grow easier for you to tolerate. Just keep your resolve and do not give in to any temptations to take more benzos. Also, and I am sure that you already know this, do not deceive yourself into thinking that Ambien, Lunesta or other similar sleep drugs will help you. They function like benzos and can cause all sorts of similar problems.

 

There really doesn't seem to be a cure for withdrawal other than time, but you can find ways to help you better deal with your situation. The lesson that I learned is that it is better to focus your energy on acceptance rather than embarking on a fruitless quest for a cure.

[[sl...]]

Like you, I reacted quickly and severely to these meds.  You are lucky that you didnt stay on them for a long time after reaching tolerance.  I have had absolutely horrendous symptoms, especially sleep related ones. Total insomnia for many months and a racing heart 24/7.  For the first 3-6 months off, it was always between 90-125 at rest.  Now it's between 85-110 at rest... Not a huge improvement but I no longer worry much about this symptom.  I just need to get my sleep back!  What a shitty journey we are on.  Hang on.  For some, the improvements come at a very slow pace so you must find patience and acceptance to ride through each miserable day.  Hopefully soon you will catch some breaks. 

[[Rx...]]

The cardiac surgeon told me I needed to get my "anxiety" under control. 

 

First, you have my sincere sympathy for your horrific suffering and empathy. 

 

And re your statement above, I ARRRRGH every time I read this.  I've lost track of how many times I was told it was "anxiety".  No amount of anxiety I have ever experienced in my life caused me to have seizures!

[[Bm...]]

hi SSR1975

Sorry for your experience with these medications. You are correct in attention needs to be given to benzo's like opiods.

 

I am 4 years and 6 months from a cold turkey off of Klonpin. I was given benzo's for restless leg syndrome and not anxiety. I took them for 3 years hit tolerance and felt suicidal. I did a cold turkey not in my right mind of course.

 

It is very uncomfortable going through your body correcting itself from the damage of these medications but your body will repair itself in time.

 

Most physicians do not have a clue what benzo's can do to people. That is extremely sad as you can read from all the suffering here.

 

Also, wanted to tell you to that there are some antobiotics and other medications to stay away from while recovering  These medications can rev symptoms up. READ, READ READ!

 

Good luck on your recovery.