Bye bye benzos!!!! Hello beautiful life! I made it!

[[bi...]]

I am going to keep this short and sweet. Many of us share the same story, so I will not bore you with the details. I never thought I would be writing this. I never thought it would be so soon. I NEVER, EVER thought I would ever heal. I was 100% certain that what I was going through was just different from everyone else on here and I was stuck in benzo withdrawal forever. I was wrong. Thank god!

 

Like many, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I thought I was dying, going crazy, or getting schizophrenia. I know it now as tolerance withdrawal. So started the two-year journey to get off of this junk. When I joined benzobuddies, I finally figured this all out and it all made sense. Long story made short, I tried three times to get off this junk over the last two years. All attempts failed. I have thought long and hard why this last attempt was different, and why I was successful and I pinpointed it to the following:

 

What I did wrong the first three attempts:

- Did not practice acceptance. I felt sorry for myself and was the victim. Woe is me.

- Continued to seek symptom relief in more pills. Tried taking more drugs to ease withdrawal that only made things worse.

- Obsessed over sleep. I wasn't getting any, and it ruled my life. All I thought about was how horrible life was with no sleep

- Continued trying to work. Added stress made the healing process much more difficult.

- Never distracted myself. I was locked in my room most of the time. Was not proactive. Not active. Miserable. Darkness all the time

 

 

My last and final attempt I knew that I had to dig deep. I came to the realization that I was not like this before the benzos. I knew that healing would not happen with more drugs. I never needed them before, and if I was to get back to baseline, I would not need them now. Through sound advice given to me by too many to mention, I stopped resorting to adjunct medication and supplements. Since I reinstated and was not able to stabilize on any dose, I decided to go to Marworth in PA to get all the junk out of my system. I was put on phenobarbitol for two weeks to minimize seziures, then was left to learn to not take any drugs. This rehab facility that is one of the best in the country. They do not believe in drugging you to death to shut you up. They are firm in their philosophy of getting you to baseline naturally without adjunct meds. This place was a life saver for the 45 days I was there. Why? 1) It kept me safe. 2) It kept me from caving in and going to a doctor for more medication to help me sleep. 3) I learned so much about myself and why I was a heavy alcoholic most of my life. 4) I learned coping skills for anxiety, stress and peer pressure. Marworth saved my life. I never regret it. Many people say rehabs are bad and I would agree, but in my case, it worked. Was it comfortable? No way. It was hell. BUT I was safe.

 

By month two, sleep started returning. 2.5 months, depression lifted.

 

Not sure why I healed so quickly this time. I have no clue. Maybe because I wasn't using other medication? Maybe because I was accepting more? I will never know, but whatever it was, I am truly thankful. My first attempt, I was still in hell after 4 months. Why now am I almost 100%?

 

I drink coffee in the morning now. I eat sweets. I eat food I want. I power lift. I ride my bike. Workout hard. Listen to loud music. play guitar. I am working full time again. I am dealing with stressful situations better than I ever have before. I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life. I am sober from alcohol. I feel more love to my wife, daughter, parents and friends than I was ever capable of feeling in the past. I think clearly now. My alarm wakes me up in the morning. Colors are brighter. Smells are more vivid. I am living life for the first time again at 42 years old.

 

This is a new beginning for me. I will never take anything for granted again. I am reforged from fire. I am a new Joe. I am a better Joe. A better husband, dad, son, and friend. I am reborn.

 

Will I have a wave again? I do not know. But I will be able to handle it if it does. There is too much good now, every day, to not consider myself mostly healed from this experience. Thank you to EVERYONE who helped me stay alive. I owe you all my life. I will not be on this site much anymore, but I will read PM's. I am going to formally close this chapter of my life and start to live. I plan on helping others in need in real life get off of this poison.

 

Not a day goes by where I do not thank the powers that be for allowing me to live and survive this. I can not believe how warped this withdrawal made my thinking. I can not beleive how embarassed I am that I attempted and gave up at one point. I am lucky to be alive. God damn, life is so good now. I am thankful and lucky that I am here today. I have many to thank, and I will list a few names in particular. A special thank you to all of you for your support on this journey. God bless you all and thank you for believing in me:

 

sharkey1911

locutusOFborg

alohafromhawaii

Meems71

murph145

blaggybum

joanet

1966

twinkle1705

MountainGirl50

BeatBenzos

Siggy

Windwalker

Terry38

2trusting

Irishman72

SusieJ

evio

edouard

longdistancerunner

magrita

BuhbyeBenzos

Terry38

Kgirl10

Gomesia

Moondancer

yyeehhaaww

 

 

YOUY WILL ALL HEAL!!! I NEVER BELEIVED IT!!! YOU WILL!!! I PROMISE!!!! GOD BLESS AND GODSP[EED ON THIS WARPED JOURNEY.

 

"WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN" - GRATEFUL DEAD

 

 

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self Harm and Ideation - Revised Policy

 

 

 

 

[[Iw...]]

Billy

 

Congratulations!  I am so happy for you.  Your journey is story and your insights from your journey are inspiring. 

 

May I ask -were you at The Caron facility?

 

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

 

[[bi...]]

Billy

 

Congratulations!  I am so happy for you. 

 

May I ask -were you at The Caron facility?

 

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

 

Many thanks my friend! I was at Marworth rehab in Pennsylvania

[[Iw...]]

For some reason I knew it was PA-that must be what I was thinking.  I'm originally from PA. 

 

Again, congratulations! 

[[Ch...]]

What an inspiring story, Billy.  Thank you for writing it for those who need the hope and encouragement.  Go tackle life anew!

Challis 

[[...]]

Billy that is awesome!! we knew you could do it!! i am soo glad you hung in there and kept the faith.. it is soo hard i know, many of us have been at the bottom of that hole and seen no way out.. so kudos to you!!

 

i am also doing pretty well, i feel almost fully recovered - say 95% anyways..

 

good luck to you XOXOX :)

 

 

[[He...]]

wonderful! Did you have ocd?

[[Te...]]

WOW! WOW! WOW!

 

Wonderful!!! I have read you plog and worried about you, thought of you, hoped you wouldn't do anything rash, and now here you are - HEALED!!! Amazing recovery, and I am so, so happy for you - CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am sure life has a different meaning for you now, and I know you'll enjoy it to the fullest extent!!!

 

By the way, have a coffee on me. I can't enjoy it yet, but I hope to way down the line! 

[[La...]]

What a wonderful, inspiring story! Congratulations and all the best to you!

[[ml...]]

AWESOME!!! Who doesn't love and need a story and recovery like this!! All the best to you, you are a new YOU, live life well! 

[[To...]]

What an incredible story and fantastic outcome! Inspiring to say the least. All the best going forward.

[[sl...]]

this is fantastic! so happy for you.

Did sleep suddenly improve a lot?

[[be...]]

Congratulations

 

[Guest [vi...]]

this is great and inspiring news! congratulations! you are a fighter!

[[mo...]]

Congratulations!  Thank you for your success story.  I'm so happy for you!

[[Pi...]]

Indeed, a very blessed healing and recovery! My heartfelt thank you for taking time to post your success story.

 

It gives me tears of joy to know that HEALING DOES HAPPEN for those of us who have suffered and/or suffering from horrific withdrawals from benzo medications. 

 

Sending you my love and big congratulations with your new life!

[[Kr...]]

This is so wonderful to read.  I'm very happy for you!!!  Thank you for sharing and may you continue to feel well.  Onward!

 

[[Ca...]]

What a great story of persistence and healing! Thank you for sharing this news. So happy for you!

 

With compassion and hope,

 

Carita

 

[[bl...]]

What an awesome story to read and sounds like you have !earnt a lot about yourself along the way - enjoy your life x

[[Su...]]

What an inspirational story you have written, it's made my day to read it as we all know it's not exactly easy to keep going whilst under such pressure to succeed.  Congratulations on this great achievement and I wish you all the best in life for the future 

 

Susie

[[te...]]

Wonderful news Billy! Congrats to you!!

[[bi...]]

I should not have posted this yet. It appears I am back in an acute wave. Literally the day after I posted my success story I was hit. I'll have to post a success story further down the line

[[Iw...]]

A temporary setback I think.  Don't beat yourself up.  You have come too far.  Sending hugs and healing thoughts to you. 

[Guest [vi...]]

iwishiknew is right. lots of people post success stories twice -- it's par for the course; so don't beat yourself up over it. go back to your diaries. your brain will convince you that you are in for the long haul. you aren't. don't trust those feelings -- just ride through this temporary low.

[[...]]

it's ok Billy - it happens to us all.. it will pass with time and patience.. setbacks are nothing more than bumps in your road to recovery. it will be ok, you will be ok, there is a light at the end of the tunnel now.. you have seen what it is like to get back to your life, you have made so much progress already.. and you will continue to make progress - the setbacks and how you deal with them are part of the progress.. hang in there XOX