Three Years Off!

[[Ro...]]

This is not a total success story, but an update that has been my three year horror with benzo withdrawal.

 

I was on Xanax for 13 years.  In 2014, I developed symptoms of throat closing, vision blurring, teeth hurting.  Of course, the docs found nothing wrong.  So I finally realized this, and other bad symptoms, were benzo related.  I began a switch from Xanax to Valium and a taper per Ashton.  Don't know what I would have done without that resource!  Did the taper for only 6 weeks.  Thought why prolong this.  My taper was not particularly problematic.  I used The Road Back program.  No idea if that was why I had a relatively easy time with it but that was my experience.

 

Once off the taper, all hell broke loose.  For about 2 1/2 years I was a basket case.  All the horrible symptoms are described here so I won't enumerate mine.  You all know them too well.

 

At some point, seemed 2 1/2 years or so, my mind got clearer.  That was an extreme relief.  The sore muscles, for me, dropped off relatively quickly. 

 

What remains now is insomnia and fatigue, I believe caused only by lack of sleep and NOT chronic fatigue or anything else.  What a ride this has been.  I am not healed yet. ☹️ I am so grateful  I did go off finally and most of my issues are behind me.  🙂On the days I don't sleep, I still cry and go to a very dark place.  But, like I said most everything else is gone.  I had lost my ability to connect with God.  That is now back, thank God!  I believe the benzos mess with the pineal gland.

 

Observations: 

 

Throughout it all, I continued walking and aerobic exercise.  I took and take quality supplements.  I believe this all helped with the sore muscles and other mobility issues I read some have.

 

I read many of you go to the doc for sleep analysis, blood work, etc.  You, of course, must do what you need to to get by.  However, I am convinced for most of us there is nothing else wrong but benzo wd. 

 

Also, my experience and I have an unwavering belief there is absolutely no drug or supplement that helps with sleep.  I tried it all.  I believe any drug we take does not help but prolongs recovery.  It is TIME, TIME, TIME!!! 😡  Trust me and do your best to push through this without adding more toxins and burden to your body. 

 

I don't know if I will ever shake the insomnia totally.  I now have 2-3 decent nights of sleep per week.  Even the bad nights aren't as bad as earlier.  I think because my mind is mostly healed and more relaxed and clear.  I am more accepting of my life as it is. 

 

To all, PLEASE be proud of yourselves.  We have been traumatized in a way no one can possibly understand who hasn't experienced this.  If you stay drug free and allow your body to recover, it will heal albeit slowly, I believe for most, if not all.  Blessings to all of you warriors.  Thank you for being here for me.  There are no adequate words to express all I have been through, as most of you understand.  Hugs to you all!❤️

 

Judi

 

 

[[Bu...]]

Thank-you Judi for encouraging us!  So glad you are doing better and I hope the insomnia fades with time as well for you.

We are all amazing benzo warriors here and as Baylissa said-we all deserve medals going through this.  Thanks again 

[[wa...]]

thanks and congrats on getting this far.  Time seems the constant theme in wellness.  WBB

[[Su...]]

Thanks for encouraging remarks and the great reminder that time will heal. 

 

:)

[[sl...]]

Oh wow, I am relieved to hear that you are feeling better.  I remember reading bits about your story and hearing how miserable you were with sleep loss (my main issue due to severe physical issues).  I am 2 years out next week and a wreck.  I pray I see some improvement like you have. 

[[Te...]]

I'm relieved, too, that you're feeling better, Roemer. Really happy to hear that. Wish I didn't have to go to the doctor so often. I also feel that it's all just benzos. No doctor understands. Time, time, time heals us. Congratulations on three years off!!

[[Ph...]]

Wonderful post, Judi.  You're a real trooper, proud of you.  Hugs !! 

[[Ro...]]

Thank you all for your encouragement!  This is a hell for some of us.  It is time, time, time.  I trust feel that there is no sleep aid or drug of any kind that will help recovery.  Just time.  We mess with drugs and supplements hoping for a reprieve.  I am convinced nothing helps.  We are all truly warriors.  ♥