heavy and confused messed up Dutch woman

[[Qu...]]

Hi guys,

So... benzo buddies is the place to go when you are in Benzo Carnaval and can't get out, only through it. Here I am. A woman, 39 years old, in my parents house, without my own place to live, without my two kids (21 an 18 of age), who are with my ex.

I Had a severe depression starting in October. They gave me Citalopram in higher dose, as I already used it for 4 years for another depression episode. This backfired and to help me with the super high tension that was in my body they gave me Lorazepam. Long story short, after 6 months of trying to get me out of the dark hole, trying everything and seeing many 'doctors', telling me to continue with the low dose of 1,5 mg Lorazepam a day , I got out of the darkness by taking Venlafaxine. So it was time for me to stop the Lorazepam. My idea, not the doctor's. At that time I was at 2mg a day, 4x 0.5 . If I had listened to the doctors I would have been at a higher dose, but something always stopped me from taking all the pills they wanted me to take. From 2 to 1,5 went well, with some muscle tremmors during sleep and with waking up. I was positive, working in the garden, feeling strong, so going down in this period did not hurt me.

From 1,5 I tried to go to 1,25 as the pills do not come in a lower dose.  I thought it worked, and that I had a graze kind of stomach flu for two weeks, saw my therepist, psychiatrist and GP for it, and after two weeks I started to feel better.

But  when I went down to 1 mg I became really ill, still ignorant of what was going on. Started reading online, found the answers in benzo withdrawal, found detox programs and the Ashton Manual. I thought I had to make a switch to Diazepam. GP put me on 5 Mg Diazepam and I went into hell for two weeks, but continued, as I thougt it was the right way to go. Therapist and psychiatrist en GP did not deny what I was saying, but have no experience with my symptoms they say. I am at 4 mg right now, after two times reducing my dose with 0.5. I don't know what will be best for me, I feel really down again and left with no energy. This is day 17 of 4mg and although the worst is gone, it is also not getting much better. Diazepam also seems to make me feel more depressed than Lorazepam. 

 

Maybe this community can help me also to get through this. I am on the Dutch forum as well, but it is just a very very small group of mostly ignorant victoms.

[[ga...]]

Hello, QueenElisabeth1. Welcome to Benzo Buddies! We're glad to have you here. There is a wealth of information on this forum to help you with your taper.

 

You may find these boards to be particularly helpful:

 

Substitution Taper Plans

 

Titration Taper Plans

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

You can locate our other boards with many more resources from our home page: BenzoBuddies Community Forum.

 

You will find stickies in bold pinned at the top of the boards. These threads contain information that our members have found to be particularly helpful. Feel free to start your own thread on the relevant board and ask any questions you may have about withdrawal and recovery. Just click on the board name and then click New Topic.

 

Finally, I'd like to ask you to read the stickies on our Community Policies & Documents and to Add a signature . Doing these two things will help you to connect with our community.

 

Best wishes on your journey to health and healing,

 

gardener99

[Guest [ch...]]

Welcome to the forum!

 

Tapering needs to be done very very slowly. From 1.25mg Lorazepam, cutting to 1mg is too big a cut. Instead, try 1.25 to 1.2, then 1.15, 1.1, 1.05, 1, etc. Learn to dissolve the pills (liquid titration) in order to make accurate cuts. Also, do not make a cut until you feel better from your last cut (symptom based tapering).

 

If you switch to Diazepam, 10mg Diazepam is considered equivalent to 1mg Lorazepam. It is true that Diazepam is more depressing. However it has the advantage of a longer half life so you will not get interdose withdrawals. Diazepam also needs to be tapered slowly. Reduce by 5% to 10% with each cut. At lower doses you will need to liquid taper Diazepam also.

 

You will get through this and feel better. It takes a long time, but many of us have done it. I wish you all the best.

 

Love,

 

CP

 

[[Rx...]]

QueenElisabeth1, just stopping by here to let you know I am thinking of you.  Thank you again for your kind words to me on the forum.  I am wishing the very best for you and will continue to.

[[Th...]]

Hi QueenElisabeth1, welcome to BB! You have already readuced a lot and made a cross over Diazepam and in additon to this you wrote that 'the worst is gone' after you latest cut. I think you have progressed well! In many cases It seems that accepting tolerable w/d symtoms together with slow tapering is the easiest way out. Maybe you should go little bit slowerin your in the remaining part of tapering in order to avoid very bad days with w/d symptoms. There is lot of examples and advices what to do in the tapering plan sections. Once again, Welcome!

[[Qu...]]

Thanks all of you! I am happy with all responces, ones I found them. Blind as a mole you can say. I could not figure out where the notifications were of my posts. So therefor my answer delayed.

I am still not cutting, having another question. Maybe someone can advice me there too ?

 

I have lost 12 kg since Oct 2016. I am now on my lowest and almost not healthy weight of 50.5 kg. After a taper cut I can hardly eat. It is really so hard for me. So I have this balance to find, between cutting and eating and trying to gain some before I can loose some again.... or... I don't know. Very insecure about it.  Do you have any advice there?

[[ga...]]

Hi, again, QueenE. I'm sorry you're having trouble eating after cuts. I haven't experienced that myself. In fact, my trouble is gaining weight. I think you will find buddies in both situations, some gaining weight and some having a lot of stomach pain and unable to eat.

 

You may get responses here, but this introductions board does not have as many visitors as our main forum. You might want to also ask this question out on the main withdrawal support board:

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

I think you have discovered the link next to your avatar that says "show new replies to your posts." That's the place I always go when I log in. 

 

Best wishes,

Gard

[[Qu...]]

Hi, again, QueenE. I'm sorry you're having trouble eating after cuts. I haven't experienced that myself. In fact, my trouble is gaining weight. I think you will find buddies in both situations, some gaining weight and some having a lot of stomach pain and unable to eat.

 

You may get responses here, but this introductions board does not have as many visitors as our main forum. You might want to also ask this question out on the main withdrawal support board:

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

I think you have discovered the link next to your avatar that says "show new replies to your posts." That's the place I always go when I log in. 

 

Best wishes,

Gard

 

I understand your point. Thanks for your advice.

 

And yes, finally found it.... very slowly found the right place to look. Even had to laugh about myself being soooo slow.

[[ga...]]

You and me both! I think it was a year before I discovered the orange "new" button took me to where I left off in the thread. 

[[Th...]]

Hi Queen, i repply here as I could not find your question elsewhere.

 

I also lost roughly 10kg in the beginning of my taper. Now my appetite is back and I have gained 3kg back. I do not if it was lower benzo amount in my body or what. One answer might be that I started take Elavil/Triptyl as a supporting drug as adviced by my doc and it might be the reason to gain weight. In the beginning of my taper I forced me to eat on bought very unhealthy stuff like cheese with lot of fat etc. having lot of calories. There lot of post in the BB about loosing/gaining weight, maybe you can fins an answers by searhing them. All the best! T.

[[Qu...]]

Thanks Thomas. Sounds sencible what you say

It is what I am doing sort of.