Now?

[[be...]]

11.5 months out and depression now? I had crying in the am around month 2 but cleared. Why so down and tired now? I'm seeing it in others this far out also. How the hell can this be part of the recovery. This is bullshit, I'm ready to quit this club. I have been clean and played by the rules and don't deserve this. Somebody give me a direction. Dammmmmmmmit

[[Re...]]

It's bewildering, that's for sure.

 

I have been reading some books by people who've gone through this and frankly it does seem like it can still be something 'new' that far out.  I can only imagine what you feel at your stage in the process.  I am finding it really tough now at 4.25 months out and trying to figure out the best way to handle the gabapentin i'm taking (216mg per day). 

 

For a lot of people, that's a pretty low dose but I seem so sensitive to this stuff that I may have to taper it even more carefully.  Anyway, that's my issue and your comment is what is important here.

 

Soooooo, I know you are suffering.  Depression is a terribly difficult thing to have to fight amongst everything else.  You are strong.  You have made it this far.  You can do it and this will end.  You are healing.  The symptom is an example of your CNS realigning itself.  It took me a long time to get my head wrapped around that, but I think it is true.  That's why long slow tapers are the best if you aren't in tolerance.  For those of us who experienced tolerance, well that's another story.  I was in tolerance and then did a forced rapid taper so I have a fun set of circumstances to deal with.

 

You CAN do it.

 

-RST

 

[[va...]]

Bernard,

 

Sorry you're suffering. I will just echo what "Real" said. You have made it this far and you're much stronger then you think!!! I know it must be extremely frustrating, but this is still the CNS healing.

 

Anything you can do to occupy yourself. If you can exercise, I would suggest that. Probably seems counterintuitive, but it will ease a lot of the stress and depression.

 

I know you always encourage me when I'm suffering so I'll pay it forward. You can do this!!! Things will get better!

 

[[Bu...]]

So sorry you are tired and down at this point in your recovery.  I am 10 months off and still riding the rollercoaster of waves and windows.  Really tired, depressed at times or energetic and a bit anxious other days.  Guess or bodies' and brains are still trying to sort it out and stabilize it all. Still feel like my baseline has improved tremendously but, I'm so ready to get off this ride for sure.  It's hard when I have a good stretch of windows only to get hit with a tough wave at this point.  I guess I have to accept this is how it is for now and still have hope that it will continue to get better with time.  Keep hanging in there-we have come so far. 

[[be...]]

Thanks BO

My baseline is improved as well. I pinpointed the out of place surge in down mood.

I tried gabapentin for a week with no improvement then stopped it. Only 300 mgs but fell off a cliff. I'm a lil better everyday now. Ok repeating to myself, there is no crutch, just good food excersize and healing

[[fo...]]

11.5 months out and depression now? I had crying in the am around month 2 but cleared. Why so down and tired now? I'm seeing it in others this far out also. How the hell can this be part of the recovery. This is bullshit, I'm ready to quit this club. I have been clean and played by the rules and don't deserve this. Somebody give me a direction. Dammmmmmmmit

sorry to hear about that... I'm sure it gets better. Some people in the success story forums say they got 100% better around 18 months so I'm sure there's still hope (: . Btw when did your anxiety/panic start going away? I'm starting my 6th month right now

[[be...]]

I never had anxiety attacks but just a low level nervousness most of the time. Around 6 of 7 months I started to reconnect and feel a bit better. I started to get the sense of where I was at in day and not fear the night. Then at about 9 things got a bit better. I think this is close to my final chapter as I am seeing 100% days here and there. Hang in there, I was 6 mos. once too. Hang tuff

[[Kl...]]

Hey Bernerd,

Just curious how things went for you in month 11+. I'm almost 10.5 and things were steadily improving, now feel like I'm getting hit again and not feeling so well.

 

When did you start getting 100% days and how often? I've been getting about 1 a week this last few weeks.

 

 

Thanks!

[[Re...]]

Thanks BO

My baseline is improved as well. I pinpointed the out of place surge in down mood.

I tried gabapentin for a week with no improvement then stopped it. Only 300 mgs but fell off a cliff. I'm a lil better everyday now. Ok repeating to myself, there is no crutch, just good food excersize and healing

 

Aha!  That is one of the possible side effects of gabapentin.  Tell me, bernerd, how long after you stopped taking it did you notice your mood lift?  I'm curious about the correlation between your observation and the half life of gabapentin.

 

More importantly though, is you are feeling better.  THAT'S GREAT TO HEAR

 

-RST