Decided on the Librium dosage to drop at

[[Ma...]]

As I'm dropping the last of the Librium I decided on 1.25mg is a good dose to jump at. I'm pretty close I guess. Probably in about 3 weeks. I have all sorts of symptoms and there are too many changes to even comprehend. I'm trying to enjoy every moment of it though. I'm at 4mg today and dropping about 0.212mg a day with some holds and micro spiking too if I have to to make adjustments. So, my anticipated quit date should be no later than 8/18. Tapering the last capsule has been rewarding. I can feel my that my functioning will return. 1.25mg of Librium is equivalent to 0.5mg of Valium so I figure this is good enough considering I'm not really holding much. I want to get off the Suboxone too but quitting both at the same time may be too crazy for me, unless I take this Russian stuff for a few days. I don't know what to do about that. I almost just want to check myself in a hospital for 3-5 days and tell the doctors what drugs to give me and in what quantities and just clean house. But I don't think my doctor will go for this. It's kind of a grandiose request.

[[Ma...]]

Idk how all this will play out. I just have to keep moving forward. It just sucks how I'm going to have acute benzo withdrawal during the beginning of the semester. At least I'm just part time and have the extra help. It's just going to be weird and a huge life shift because I'm used to being in my house talking to you fine people.

[[Ma...]]

So, I noticed I don't get brain zaps or squeezes as much or as bad. For me it is a squeezing feeling. 3.94mg of Librium today. I'm going to hold there for tomorrow too. My mom's memorial is coming in 4 day's so I'd like to make as much progress as possible as opposed to holding more. I held too long on her birthday a few weeks ago. It's pretty hard applying this avoidance coping mechanism while grieving and tapering at the same time at the end but gabapentin makes me kind of emotionally numb too so that is probably helping this go smother despite the fact that I'm also tapering gabapentin a little bit. Not sure if I am getting gabapentin WD at the pace I've been tapering it. I think I'm dropping it at 8.99998mg a day. I think my math is right. I was actually able to make a simple algebraic equation without getting a severe headache and giving up to figure this out. Not 100% sure if the math is right though but it should be. Any way, each 600mg tablet weighs about ~1000mg. So 100mg equals about 166.667 of powder. I'm dropping 15mg of gabapentin  powder a day. So, I came up with 8.9mg. I care more about my brain doing math than what the dose actually is btw. As simple as this used to be for me it is something I need to fix asap. The good news is I can think more without getting those ridiculous headaches. I can actually take a pen and paper and play around with numbers without giving up or getting severe head pain. It is obvious to me that this symptom was caused by tolerance withdrawal the entire time now and just side effects of being on benzos and tapering them. 

[[An...]]

Wow we are almost at the same place except I plan to jump at 1 mg. I am at 2.5 now so another few weeks before the jump. I hope our symptoms abate afterwards. Good luck with the remainder of your taper. Keep us posted as to how your doing. 

[[Th...]]

Hi Mamoot and Annie50,

 

It seems that I'm third one in the same situation. 4mg Librium at the moment and my plan is to jump in the 1.25 or 1.0. I think it is doable alreadylate August but I have couple of long distance travels in September so probably I hold and jump after the travels. I agree Mamoot's writing that last part of the tapering has been rewarding as it seems that some of the w/d symptoms vanished already at least partly. I'm in the same boat with you Annie as my worst symptom is internal tremors as well.

 

Warm regards and good luck with remaining part of the taper and jump to both of you! T.

[[Ma...]]

Things became more difficult for me. I know it is mainly the Librium because Suboxone doesn't cause this type of problem. It literally just feels like I can identify more what matters and what doesn't matter in my life. Like that spreadsheet I had for instance, just became horse shit to me as far as typing in what supplements I take because I can remember things better now and realized I only need to keep track of Librium, Suboxone, and gabapentin, since my phenibut and memantine doses are staying the same right now at 750mg and 5mg. Also, more horse shit like about why my friend doesn't like a certain type of music, and also other random things like this. Like realizing he just likes one band and music that pumps you up and no down tempo or slow stuff. It is really painful when a new ability first comes on though or a new realization as deeper levels of your humanity are available as you lower this last fracking capsule. These are just small examples though. There is way more going on with getting off the last capsule that I can describe. I'm just sick of this skata.

 

I can feel pain in my body more and more deeply. I'm like more aware of everything which is total horse shit. So getting off this last capsule has been extremely difficult at times because it is bringing up some uncomfortable symptoms for me. If I don't jump on the week of August 21st-28th, I'm not sure what I will do. I don't want to drag this out longer but I may have to if these symptoms crush my spirit like they did last night. It was awful. The symptoms and my pain were bad enough to invoke some passive unwanted thoughts too which disappointed me. I woke up at 2:50a and ended up dosing my meds. I fell back asleep. I dose around 4-5am every day though so I will sometimes dose around 3am when the symptoms catch up with me like they did last night.

 

I did feel in a deep level of hell though, so it may be normal to have thoughts like that. Keep in mind I'm tapering Suboxone just as aggressively as Librium, which has buprenorphine in it so my tapering experience is going to be different. I keep hitting walls. I hit a big one yesterday and last night really. It feels nice getting these abilities back though. More vivid dreams and the feeling of healing overall. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to finish tapering before my semester starts I think. It isn't going to make things easier if I just jump as opposed to doing this at a more comfortable pace. I'm starting to realize that. But I am still going to try to do it. lol

 

I have CBG and CBD coming in. Some cannabinoids that can help with this calamity.

[[Ma...]]

I don't think I'm going to jump off this month. I'm going to taper to the lowest dose possible and just hold when I start the semester. I don't want to jump off before the semester starts. I think it will be easier for me to just keep doing what I'm doing now but slow it down once I start school. I need to be able to function somewhat and taper at the same time. So, I'm going to work as hard as possible for the remainder of this month to lower my Librium and Suboxone doses. I will end up jumping off a very small dose of Librium. Probably less that 0.5mg to make it as easy as possible for me this September. So, I'm going to jump in September.

[[Th...]]

Mamoot, well, then we exactly in the same schedule. However I think I might jump at 1.25 Librium. Most probably in the second half of September.

[[Ma...]]

Yeah, after what happened these past two days, it's just a bad idea. The physical symptoms are no bueno. The only way I will get off benzos this month is if CBG is a miracle substance. I'm sure it helps, but lets be honest, benzos have a way of changing your plans. That is what this entire process has felt like for me. Like the benzos have way too much control over the decisions I make. I am looking forward to this ending. It is going to feel weird for me and possibly like a dream. Just thinking about being finished seems like a fantasy still.

[[Ma...]]

So, I have been taking 3.79mg of Librium for about 4 days. The withdrawal is very intense and appears related mostly to having feelings and cognitive functioning returning; and also Librium's long-acting, active metabolite metabolizing. Librium has an uneven withdrawal and feels like you are coming off two different benzos. The daily taper method results in hitting walls every other week. I have to return to living a stressful university lifestyle in a few weeks which is forcing me to change my plan. My new goal, is to taper to 2.5mg of Librium and hold for 2-3 weeks. As for Suboxone, which has been extremely difficult for me to taper, I think I might just hold at 0.25mg for now, which I am basically at now. I basically sacrificed my sanity to taper these drugs this summer. I did the best I could. Since I am not willing to jump off Librium or Suboxone this month, it makes sense to get as comfortable as possible; then transition into my new life this September and then do a slow, walk-off taper over the next 4-8 weeks. It is not what I wanted but I need to succeed this semester while slowly getting off these meds. I need to do both. Not sure why this is still so hard for me to accept. I could unleash hell and just CT the rest of the Librium but what is the point. I don't want to end up with additional PAW. I don't understand how it is even possible to quit benzos cold turkey from high doses considering how much pain this taper has caused me. Especially, the last capsule. I wish everyone the best and a speedy recovery.

[[Th...]]

Hi Mamoot, soud like a good and realistic plan. We heal during the tapering as well as benzo amount in our body becomes less and less so I agree you point not doing c/t but taper slowly rest of the Librium. I'm at 4mg level at the moment and planned to jump at 0.25 or 0.125 which means most probably by end of September. All the success!

[[An...]]

So, I have heard the end of the taper is the hardest. I have noticed having some issues the lower I get. Right around 3 mg was difficult for me. I am not sure why but my symptoms were bad like how they were in the beginning bad. I held for 3 days and things got a little better. Now, I am back to normal symptoms again. I am hardly ever symptom free. If I am not waking up with symptoms then I consider my self blessed. When they start happening all the time, I hold. Otherwise I just keep going.

 

I would taper at a comfortable pace and not worry about the time so much. Listen to your body. As long as we are getting off the drug, I don't think the when matters. I wish you all the best starting a new semester. 

[[Ma...]]

Thanks for the support guys. I guess I convinced myself I will have less neuropathy and heal my nervous system when I got off benzos. Also, I think I just had to tell myself I was going to get off Librium and Suboxone to make the taper work. It was something to look forward to. I just don't want to feel like a failure. I'm going to start tapering again tomorrow. I'm fed up with this. I really just want to get to 2.5mg so I can hold now. I didn't realize how hard this was going to get. I'm going to be at 0.25mg of Suboxone tomorrow. This is 1/8th of the 2mg sublingual film-strips I take. The last time I quit Suboxone I used kratom but I was taking clonazepam and could handle the stimulation. Kratom is too stimulating for me at the moment but I am tempted to cross over when I am feeling less benzo withdrawal. I just feel like my life is over sometimes because of drugs and that I'm never going to be able to have a normal life. Maybe this feeling will lessen soon. I can't live my life like this anymore. I don't want to take kratom but if I do it will be for a short time in September. Just not sure how to close the deal with this Suboxone poison. The withdrawal takes all your ambition away and leaves you severely depressed. Combine that with the benzo withdrawal it takes away your desire to live. You basically have to chant mantras to yourself all day to get by.

 

Edit: I have found ways to cope though that distract me. Exercise, acupuncture, helpful drugs and supplements, the internet....just whatever I need to do to do this while battling my demons 24/7

[[Th...]]

Mamoot, I noticed this biweekly cycle as well when I did my cuts. I do not know suboxone nor kratom so can not comment them. It seems that many people tapers one drug at the time in sequence as it seems to be very hard to taper several drugs at the same time.  I have also think that my life is over but closer to jump I go more I think that i need to give time what it takes and hope one day I feel much better when this is done. Normal life is my goal as well and you will get there too!

[[An...]]

I agree with Thomas. I think tapering more than one drug is really hard on your system. I would suggest maybe holding your current doses and just taper one drug before you taper another one. I have no experience with those other drugs either so I can't comment on those.

 

I know this is all very difficult and I understand you want off of everything right now but I think going slow is key to feeling better. Does acupuncture seem to help? I was thinking of trying it. I would also suggest you read some success stories as it can be very uplifting.

[[Ma...]]

I do acupuncture when I feel pain and it does help when I have the needles in me. It makes the neuropathy change. I'm pretty sure benzos are causing the bulk of my nerve pain issues. Suboxone is called buprenorphine. It is an opiate like morphine, diamorphine, oxycodone, etc. I think it has made my nerve pain worse too. I'm going to stop tapering Suboxone for now. I'm just trying to get to 2.5mg of Librium and hold for now. Also, I need to figure out how I'm going to be a student this fall. Reality is starting to sink in. Well as much as it can sink in with the amount brain trauma I have. Tapering was the only thing I had going for me though. So, when I hold I have to deal with fixing my loser existence in this crippling disabled state.

[[Th...]]

Agree plan to be/feel as comfortable as possible, hold and get used to student role and when being familiar in the role and studying environment, then tapering the rest is most probably adds some safety.

[[Ma...]]

So, I reached my goal today of 2.43mg. I had to drop 0.6mg to get there and I'm feeling it right now hard. Usually, I'm used to making 0.2mg/day drops and they are always painful in some way so this is pretty heavy for me. But I did it. I don't have to taper anymore until I stabilize. I just need to finish and make it down to 1200mg of gabapentin. I tapered 600mg of gabapentin since around May I think. I just couldn't accept being on 1800mg of gabapentin. It made me angry, so I tapered the 600mg with everything else. I was tapering phenibut too but I stopped after I started hallucinating a little. It was something small. I saw a license plate from a far distance form the phrase "WHY ME" on a black early 2000's Acura RL. The weird thing is my dad used to drive a black RL just like that. That was a stressful day. I just need to focus on not spiking because the WD is pretty bad. I also ate 40mg of an edible and feel very weird. Ever since I started running a little I'm more comfortable with physical anxiety. I have 80mg of Librium powder until 0mg. I'm going to take it slow. DOn't really have a choice. I start class on the 28th so at least I have a decent amount of time to stabilize.