Really don't want to lose my job

[[gg...]]

Hi everyone. I am 5.5 months off of 5 weeks klonopin with a 3 week taper.

I have started having some windows but my waves are so bad it's literally worse than acute. I have developed body pains and head pressure is much worse.

I was able to return to work in my 2nd month, but the waves have me barely functional.

I was on K for such a short time I'm so afraid of how long these symptoms are lasting and even getting worse.

I'm not sure if its food sensitivity or using caffeine and weed again...which have seemed to help some days.

I had another doctor visit and blood test and she was not concerned.

But I'm crying and in unbearable withdrawal most of the week.

I'm afraid these waves will cost me my job and I need to see some light at the end of this tunnel.

I guess I'm just seeking moral support.

I do not know how 8 weeks of Klonopin could be causing this much trouble when I was a nirmal happy person only 9 months ago. I was very happy and just had a few odd panic attacks. Now I am in a hell I've never even knew existed.

Do I have some kind of biological mutation making me heal this slowly or have I damaged my psyche and am actually losing my mind.

So scared.

[[He...]]

with my experience, dont put any pressure in wd. let the things be. because it will make the things worse.

 

Accept everything, first is your health. Without helth you do nothing.

 

 

So dont make any pressure and just let it be and what you can in your job. Accept that you can lose it, and you will do it better than if you dont accept it

 

remember, thats my ideia about it

[[gg...]]

Thanks hf. Your recovery story has been inspiring. I hope to get where you are soon

[[Do...]]

For some reason, it seems that many people who took klonopin got hit with a wave at 5 months off, although I have no idea the reason behind this.

 

Caffeine could really be worsening your symptoms.  Although other triggers didn't bother me, caffeine was the one thing for months that could really do me it, since it is a stimulant that speeds up your already revved up nervous system.

 

Although it is not for everyone, since you mentioned its, some people do find marijuana helpful during withdrawal, especially for pain related issues and sleep.  Obviously it doesn't help everyone, and it can make people paranoid, even those who used it before in the past without an issue.  There is actually a group on facebook called Blazing Benzos that specifically deals with using marijuana and CBD oil to help with withdrawal symptoms.

[[pu...]]

I think things will start getting a lot better for you soon. You should be v proud of yourself for working, most people can't!

 

I would definitely stay away from caffeine for a while. I quit drinking coffee all together and felt much better, now I just drink green tea. I love it. Big difference. Try or perhaps!

[[te...]]

6 months was a big turning point for me in terms of mental symptoms... keep going ggbtd... you will make it through

[[NJ...]]

Since you were on a relatively short time, I am wondering if you have addressed the reasons why you took K in the first place. If not, that could be causing some of these issues. Have you tried meditation, yoga, exercise, therapy, etc.? I would skip the caffeine and alcohol definitely.

 

I would try to stay employed if you can. I know if it were me, losing my job would cause an awful lot in my life to unravel, in ways that long term would not be beneficial.

 

Good luck!

[[Re...]]

Hi everyone. I am 5.5 months off of 5 weeks klonopin with a 3 week taper.

I have started having some windows but my waves are so bad it's literally worse than acute. I have developed body pains and head pressure is much worse.

I was able to return to work in my 2nd month, but the waves have me barely functional.

I was on K for such a short time I'm so afraid of how long these symptoms are lasting and even getting worse.

I'm not sure if its food sensitivity or using caffeine and weed again...which have seemed to help some days.

I had another doctor visit and blood test and she was not concerned.

But I'm crying and in unbearable withdrawal most of the week.

I'm afraid these waves will cost me my job and I need to see some light at the end of this tunnel.

I guess I'm just seeking moral support.

I do not know how 8 weeks of Klonopin could be causing this much trouble when I was a nirmal happy person only 9 months ago. I was very happy and just had a few odd panic attacks. Now I am in a hell I've never even knew existed.

Do I have some kind of biological mutation making me heal this slowly or have I damaged my psyche and am actually losing my mind.

So scared.

 

Hi ggbtd.

 

I just replied to your comment on another thread about percent healed.

 

I guess if there is anything I can offer it is the camaraderie of being a short time user experiencing post-acute withdrawal syndrome.  Like many of you probably know by now from my other posts, I went into terrible withdrawal after stopping ativan that I had used (1mg / day) for 11 days.

 

I am 4 months 1 week and 2 days since my jump.  I've had many waves and some windows.  I don't think we're permanently damaged.  I think our central nervous systems were easily affected by the benzos and we're simply slow to recover.  I truly believe that I am slowly healing.  I say this (although I am still taking a low dose of gabapentin) because my waves don't seem to be as intense and my windows seem a little better.  My main constant symptom is insomnia.  This is a huge one for me.  The rest of my symptoms are almost entirely physical.  I do notice some occasional up-tick in anxiety, but by-and-large, my symptoms are physical.  I have had virtually all of the physical symptoms people suffer from and they've been agonizing. 

 

I am also of the mind that I had a central nervous system that was in poor shape before I took any benzos.  I believe this is partly why I was quickly debilitated by them.  Now, I have to not only work to get back to where I was before benzos, but also to get myself much helthier than the pre-benzo state. 

 

As I look at posts on here I think half of the problem is that many of us forget that we might not have been as well as we think we were prior to taking benzos.  I say this about myself even though outwardly, you would have thought I was quite fit.  I have been an avid mountain-biker and competitor in brazillian jiu jitsu.  I look fit with an athlete's physique (although this has diminished some during this experience as exercise tends to crank up my symptoms).  However, I had / have anxiety issues and I had allowed those to affect my sleep habits which threw me into turmoil.  I've had anxiety issues my whole life, so clearly my brain chemistry has been focused on maximizing the fight or flight response forever and my brain pushes itself to that kind of neuro chemistry.  Now that I understand how the central nervous system works, I understand why my body quickly adjusted to the Ativan.  Unfortunately, that quick adjustment one way means I have a long battle to adjust it back to pre-benzos and then even further to get truly healthy.  This is where the healthy tools we must develop become critical.  It's all the basics:  healthy diet, mindfulness, yoga, cognitive behavioral therapy, deep breathing / vagus nerve stimulation and proper sleep hygiene, (even if sleep doesn't come).

 

This is hard.  It's the hardest thing I've done.  But we can do it.  We WILL get to the other side, ggbtd.   

 

[[gg...]]

Thanks for the replies rst and everyone.

I'm currently on break at work and crying in my car. Good times.

I think part of what is so confusing for me is my pre-benzo self. This time last year and for over a decade prior I was one of the most healthy, happy and anxiety free people I've ever known. Things were going so well in my life and my spiritual progress was awesome. Years of yoga and meditation finally showing great effectiveness in my life.

I did have to take Ciprofloxacin for the first time in my life last year due to a staph infection.

Then after a promotion at work I started having totally random panic attacks. I have had pressure at work before but suddenly this time it floored me. Looking back I feel like the antibiotic may have triggered the panic.

Then the bad recommendation from my PC to take klonopin while trying to start a SSRI (which I was intolerant to) led me into this hell.

Why I never researched klonopin that well is beyond me. I'm an information junkie but didn't find this website until it was too late.

I am starting to forget who I was last year and that is breaking my heart. I felt so centered and found.

Now I am totally lost and struggling to get through every moment.

I'm also thinking it's a hereditary thing maybe having to do with MTHFR or something. This terrible withdrawal is unexplainable. My nephew took 7mgs if xanax with alcohol for 7 months and was better at 3 months so my family and I feel like some kind of sensitivity must be at play here.

I just want my life back. My desperation makes me nervous because I've been suicidal at some moments.

I do have good support and have called the help lines.

I need a break soon though

[[Re...]]

Thanks for the replies rst and everyone.

I'm currently on break at work and crying in my car. Good times.

I think part of what is so confusing for me is my pre-benzo self. This time last year and for over a decade prior I was one of the most healthy, happy and anxiety free people I've ever known. Things were going so well in my life and my spiritual progress was awesome. Years of yoga and meditation finally showing great effectiveness in my life.

I did have to take Ciprofloxacin for the first time in my life last year due to a staph infection.

Then after a promotion at work I started having totally random panic attacks. I have had pressure at work before but suddenly this time it floored me. Looking back I feel like the antibiotic may have triggered the panic.

Then the bad recommendation from my PC to take klonopin while trying to start a SSRI (which I was intolerant to) led me into this hell.

Why I never researched klonopin that well is beyond me. I'm an information junkie but didn't find this website until it was too late.

I am starting to forget who I was last year and that is breaking my heart. I felt so centered and found.

Now I am totally lost and struggling to get through every moment.

I'm also thinking it's a hereditary thing maybe having to do with MTHFR or something. This terrible withdrawal is unexplainable. My nephew took 7mgs if xanax with alcohol for 7 months and was better at 3 months so my family and I feel like some kind of sensitivity must be at play here.

I just want my life back. My desperation makes me nervous because I've been suicidal at some moments.

I do have good support and have called the help lines.

I need a break soon though

 

 

That's interesting.  I think the gut bacteria and the brain function are so linked.  Perhaps the ciprofloxacin had a strong negative effect on your digestive bacteria and they've never recovered?  I've been taking probiotics for about 3 months and I believe they've helped my digestion as the results are, forgive me for saying so, obvious on a daily basis......

 

As you may know, alot of the precursors to neurotransmitters are processed in the gut and so without that working, there could be a problem that influences our withdrawal, no?

 

I sure hope you get a break soon.  I know that even though I've had windows, I am more than ready to get on with life.  The key is patience and more patience and acceptance though.  Otherwise, we'll drive ourselves crazy.

 

-RST  :thumbsup:

[[gg...]]

Yeah got that one covered too....I have taken some really high quality probiotics as well as eating probiotic foods for months and after my antibiotics as well.

 

I am pretty convinced it is a genetic mutation of some sort that is making this so hard for me. The MTHFR gene or H axis.

 

I'm a little over trying to figure it out, but my suffering is real so I am OCD about it most the time.

 

Thanks for your replies and input

[[Re...]]

Yeah got that one covered too....I have taken some really high quality probiotics as well as eating probiotic foods for months and after my antibiotics as well.

 

I am pretty convinced it is a genetic mutation of some sort that is making this so hard for me. The MTHFR gene or H axis.

 

I'm a little over trying to figure it out, but my suffering is real so I am OCD about it most the time.

 

Thanks for your replies and input

 

I hear you about trying to figure it out.  Now that I'm in a wave again and slept about 8 hours over the last 3 days I am trying not to be OCD about my suffering.  I know all the things to do and yet sometimes, like this morning, I just about lose it due to the suffering... waves of sweat washing over me, legs jerking madly with muscle twitches, muscles twitching on my face, feet arms and chest burning, very little energy and yet I've gotta drag myself into work.  It's not Kansas anymore, Aunti Em.......

 

-RST