Two years off and making progress!

[[Ca...]]

Hello to my Buddies. I have not posted since my 18 month anniversary. I have made some progress but have much healing due. I am much better than during my taper and the early days drug free. My life is busy with necessary scheduled days for rest and recovery. This has been the most difficult experience of my life. It knocked me flat....time and time again.

 

My most prevalent symptoms are morning anxiety, depression, derealization, sound/ touch/light sensitivity, muscle stiffness, foot pain and dizziness. Symptoms wax and wane in an unpredictable manner though I find too much stimulation nearly always sets me back.  Learning to accept the process and trust it will end has been my constant lesson.

 

Sleep has improved greatly as has the ability and desire to socialize. I'm better able to plan ahead and follow through with activities. I feel joy, love and excitement again. When I am able to participate in life with a full compliment of emotion I am filled with hope that my body is truly healing.

 

I wish you all love, compassion and strength. Knowing you are with me makes this tolerable.

 

Warmly,

Carita 

 

 

[[fi...]]

Congratulations and may your healing progress speedily.

[[Ki...]]

My sweet, Carita. 

[[Bi...]]

Kiddo told me about your post dearest Carita! What a lovely testament to your strength and endurance my dear friend.

 

You are healing!

 

God bless you with peace.

 

Much love,

Beth

[[ml...]]

So good to hear Carita. You have been thru so much and we have walked much of this road together. I am now at almost 30 months off and I too am still healing in some areas, but doing very well and living my life again.

 

Continued healing to you sweet BB 

Lysa

[[Ca...]]

Dearest FG, Kiddo, Beth and Lysa.... lovely of you to respond with congratulations and support! Thank you. I'm inspired by you all. So often your words have carried me. I have tremendous gratitude for our friendships.

 

With love,

Carita

[[ml...]]

[[Sa...]]

Carita  so glad to see your update.  Two years is a major milestone, all of these milestones are bittersweet when healing seems so slow. Sending you courage and strength along with much love. 

[[Ca...]]

Dearest Saga....thank you. Your words are so true. Bittersweet times. Grateful for healing but sad for the losses.

Our early times together kept me going. Now I imagine you and others making progress and living fuller lives. We are doing this together.

 

How are you?

 

Much love.💙

Carita

[[Ch...]]

Hi Carita! 

 

Good to see you, glad to see some healing is going on.  I didn't have much in the way of noticeable progress until about 18 months.  Even then, I had to look back in order to see the progress that happened around then.  It was still another couple of years afterward before I called myself healed.

 

The gift that keeps on giving...

 

Challis 

[[ma...]]

Hello Carita,  Its great to hear from you, I am pleased some things have improved.  It will keep getting better, slowly but surely you will recover, life will come good again.  Like Challis 18 months was a turning point for me. It was around that time, I got back my sense of humour...that's when I knew for sure I would recover.

 

You will see an end to this, we are all rooting for you

 

Magrita

[[Ca...]]

Dear Challis and Magrita,

  Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. It always sooths my soul to hear others say it took a long while for them to heal. Knowing we are not alone on this crazy difficult path is reassuring. The damaged brain is quick to believe this is permanent. It is grand to hear again that it is not! You are proof!

 

Again, thank you both,

 

Carita

[[Sa...]]

Carita  I stared for a bit wondering how to answer your question asking how am I doing....well I am also healing very very slowly. It's utterly maddening, frustrating and also terrifying at times, and while I can look back over the years now and see the progress I've made I still have * much* healing due as well. I have seen the greatest healing emotionally and mentally, and while I'm very thankful for those improvements I am still quite challenged both cognitively and physically. I'm not yet leading a fuller life, but I'm still hopeful with more time my body will better heal. We must keep the faith that although some of us recover quite slowly,  our brains will eventually heal. Much much love Carita we will get there!

[[Ca...]]

Saga dear,

  Your honest answer is read with great compassion. These drugs do tremendous damage. I see this much differently now that I've been here myself and have seen you and others face the unimaginable. I have deep empathy for anyone facing opiate and benzodiazepine recovery. 

 

I am sorry to know you are in such pain. In your words there is a strength. Your determination was evident from the beginning. The way you faced your taper and the early days drug free inspired me and others. Now, years later your example continues to be an example of strength. Thank you. I wish it was easier for you.

 

I'm moved to tears by how damned hard this is. I never knew. I hold you with compassion and hope. You are healing...too slow for our liking but it is happening. Thank you for speaking the truth.

 

With love,

Carita

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Oh Carita  you brought tears to my eyes, I truly don't know what to say in return Carita other than thank you for those very kind words. We've known each other a long time and I can speak nothing but the truth, I owe you that honesty, and I hope with all my heart it makes you feel a little less alone facing a slower recovery. You are not alone, there are many of us healing very slowly, and we must be able to speak our truth.

 

The damage these drugs can bring in their wake, well, I stared yet again. It is unfathomable. You've always carried yourself with such a quiet sense of grace and dignity, and I know you have the strength inside you as well to meet the challenges of healing. I fondly remember the excerpts you posted from the brave girls newsletter, and although I'm sure neither of us feel terribly brave some days,  I know we are brave very brave souls moving forward as best we can.  Much much love to you Carita