End of day crash

[[va...]]

Daily vent. Still feel like I am in the late stages of a horrible illness.

 

Today got up at 4:30 a.m. started drawing at 5. I had a cover illustration deadline for end of day. Pushed through, completed my cartoon and sent it in. All day my brain was going in and out of DR and DP, but made my deadline. Then went to the gym and felt horrific. The dizziness and hip, knee, elbow pain was horrendous. Went to CVS and standing in line I was looking at everyone and wondering what it felt like to feel physically, semi-normal.

 

The mental and physical stuff seems to get worse everyday! I feel less and less connected to myself. Is this really withdraw? I'm just finding that hard to believe. Does it ever stop spiraling downward?

 

Sorry guys, just have to get this off my chest!!!

[[te...]]

hi vaartist, i've been there... standing in CVS and the guy in front of me started joking really loud to the cashier with his booming voice and i hung onto my husband with my heart pounding, thinking i was going to die right there and then... also seeing the other people and wishing i could be normal like them... that was when i was in acute... now at almost 9 months off i am so much better and you will be too... glad to see you are still pushing through... you are doing great, you will get through this 

[[so...]]

Vaartist,

 

This is withdrawal.  All of this.  No matter how weird and incredulous, it's the nature of this beast.  We all question how could we feel so awful...mental and physical symptoms piling on top of us, cycling in and out, things we've never felt before in our lives.  How could a pill do this to us?

 

The good thing is we don't have to live like this forever.  Yes, each day bleeds into the next day with some new and some familiar sensations.  It sure feels like forever when you have to push through every stinking minute and hour.  It does get better with time.  That's how you know that, even though it doesn't feel like it, you are healing, bit by painstaking bit.

 

Keep resting.  Keep moving.  Keep yourself as calm as you can.  Give your internal healing system a wide berth to focus on healing your nerves.  That's what this is.  Nerves in hyper-drive.  They will settle as more and more gaba receptors come online.

 

You'll be okay.

 

Sofa

[[va...]]

Thanks so much guys. I know I have to keep telling myself that I am HEALING. A bit counterintuitive, but got to do it.