I'm seeking support and understanding

[[Pi...]]

Hello. I'm happy to have found this forum. I've been suffering with anxiety and depression for a long time. Currently struggling from a 4 month, rapid reduction of Klonopin from 6mg per day to zero. Other medications are included. Severe worry about life issues are combined with the withdrawal agony. I really need support. Reduction per doctor plan. Also in cognitive therapy.

Thank you

[[me...]]

Welcome to the forum! We're glad to have you as a new member. 

 

You'll find lots of information and support here.  Our members have been through all aspects of withdrawal, and you're likely to find  people who understand what you're going through. For those who are currently tapering, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days, and some taper even slower than that.  One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster. 

 

Having some withdrawal symptoms is normal, especially near the end of a taper and for a few months after discontinuing the medication.  First/only withdrawals after a slow taper tend to be easier than multiple reinstatements/withdrawals over time, which may make symptoms worse and longer lasting. The most common symptoms are anxiety and insomnia but there are many others. These are temporary and will go away in time.

 

Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Post Withdrawal Support Board

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. Section III explains and describes symptoms, and there is also a section with suggested taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[wa...]]

Good you found us.  A 4 month taper off that much Klonopin is extremely fast even without other meds.  Doctors always seem to do this

  I have not heard that cognitive therapy is much use during w/d unless the therapist is fully apprised of benzo w/d.  I hope you are doing ok.  You are in the right place.  A lot of sxs of depression, etc are from the drug -- not you.  WBB

[[Pi...]]

Hello. I'm not sure if I'm posting correctly...

Does anyone have an opinion about taking 30 mg Nortriptyline to help severe withdrawal symptoms and anxiety and depression?

 

I was taking medication for about 15 years straight, for anxiety and depression.  I never got relief and asked the doctors to stop them to see if I was recovering from my counseling efforts.

 

At that point I was on 6 mg Klonopin and 200 mg Lamictal.  He stopped all of it in 4 months. I told him we were going too fast. We argued. His belief is that recovery begins when the meds are out of the body. He doesn't believe in withdrawals.

 

I plead my case of horrible symptoms which I won't bother listing. He just prescribed the Nortriptyline, but for sleep, not withdrawal.

 

My story is much more complicated than this short version. Suffice it to say, I'm in horrible condition and alienating my loved ones. I don't know who I am and am worrying constantly. Don't know how I'm going to handle my life issues. I'm told that this worrying is just me, and not related to medication.

 

I will admit I've had worry problems my entire life... never knew how to stop my rapid thinking or how to block issues from hurting me.

 

I'm stuck in this horror and can barely do anything.

 

Curious if anyone thinks adding the Nortriptyline can help or hurt. I have dabbled in adding .5 mg of Klonopin back, but don't know if this is kindling or if it will help or hurt. I can't bare many more minutes of this agony. We stopped all the psyche meds around end of June 2017. I'm not getting better; but I do realize how frightened I am by the real world issues I need to handle... I'm not working and financial debt is rising.

 

I hope this is somewhat clear because I'm struggling to put this in any logical sense.

Thanks to anyone and I really pray for recovery for EVERYONE.

Peace and happy holidays

Thank you

[[ke...]]

Wow big drop real fast. Congrats for being coherent etc. You must feel pretty rough, but it sounds like you are on the right track. The TCA ad's like the one you are on are evidently pretty mild and supposedly help with sleep and appetite. So its probably a good choice. Hang in there and BE OPTIMISTIC.  I would definitely vote NO MORE BENZOS. They probably have damaged you for years, but you will probably fell better than ever eventually although it will take PATIENCE,

[[Pi...]]

Thank you. It's 4am and I'm typing this with my thumb on my phone.

My symptoms are severe and seem Exactly like extreme panic and worry. I know I AM severely panicked and worried. Hard to accept that this is withdrawal and effects of long-term medication usage.

 

I could list the real life issues that I'm feeling overwhelmed with, and anyone WITHOUT taking medication or experiencing related symptoms would feel terrible. I'm not working and financial security is in the toilet. I don't see how I can work or what direction to go. I haven't worked in 12 years and constantly feel ashamed, guilty and frightened. So, my life issues are spinning in my head constantly and the worry related symptoms are very intense. They also APPEAR as withdrawal and medication symptoms.

 

This is where my extreme anguish lies... I'm constantly trying to talk myself down into a calm state, but haven't been able to do it.... because I'm worrying so hard, or medication withdrawal symptoms are CAUSING worry and fear... I'm spinning here.

 

I've read about the brain's response and biological changes to the medication.  I can't wait any longer to get things under control in my life. They don't stop sliding backwards so I can recover. I just really don't know what to do. I don't know how to be patient because this terrible panic has been constant from the beginning, and not just now after taking medication and stopping. It's probably a combination of my personal programming and medication effects.

 

The bottom line is that I have to be on my feet and I've been down so long and I don't see the way out. Nothing is helping. 

 

If what I'm writing is confusing, it's because I'm confused and scared as heck.

 

I want to dabble with taking small amount of Klonopin. I've read about kindling, but I'm hurting.

 

I wish I could be more concrete with my post, but I'm feeling anything BUT concrete.

 

I appreciate any assistance,

Thank you

 

[[Su...]]

Hi Pieceofmind,

Yes your situation sounds very tricky.  There's the real life stuff that would throw anyone into a tizzy, and then the protracted effects of coming off the medications very/too quickly.  There will be lots of opinions about how you could proceed.  If you hadn't been off for five months many here on some really positive threads might suggest an updose to feel more comfortable and then a much slower taper...

 

And there will be some who suggest that don't start again as you have been off for so long.  The meds will likely not be as effective if you decide to go back on, but could provide some relief from unending suffering.  And many on here have gone back on meds after coming off too quickly...

 

Anyone you can talk to who is benzo wise in your life?  It's a big decision and things need to be weighed out carefully..... I know, I know try that with BenZo brain....

 

And the good news and bad news is that everyone is different.  Can you read some of the positive threads to see what others have done?

i look at sigs to see how folks have been doing their slide.....  It might be a time for some research before you decide to do anything new....

And you might already know what you want to do and can do it.... no easy answers.

 

Good luck and best wishes to you

SS

[[Pi...]]

I appreciate your support.

This doctor won't write out the benzodiazipines anymore, but he will recklessly dispense anything.

I'm struggling to write what I want right now, I will come back.

Thanks again,

[[ma...]]

Pieceofmind,

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Couldn't you temporarily get a simpler job than what you know you can do? Many people with below average capabilities work and earn a living, so I think we can too even-though our capabilities are temporarily diminished.

 

All the best to you

[[Pi...]]

The physical stress and panic level are so high, I don't see how I can function at even a simple job. I struggle doing simple tasks at home.  I'm not steady on my feet from the insomnia.

 

When I broke down and had to quit working 12 years ago, I couldn't function. Ive been battling back non-stop ever since. No real progress with counseling, hospitalization, ECT, medication. This is confusing for me to write.  I have more to say about this work issue, but struggling too hard right now to type and think. I will write as soon as I can.

Thanks

[[ke...]]

Thank you. It's 4am and I'm typing this with my thumb on my phone.

My symptoms are severe and seem Exactly like extreme panic and worry. I know I AM severely panicked and worried. Hard to accept that this is withdrawal and effects of long-term medication usage.

 

I could list the real life issues that I'm feeling overwhelmed with, and anyone WITHOUT taking medication or experiencing related symptoms would feel terrible. I'm not working and financial security is in the toilet. I don't see how I can work or what direction to go. I haven't worked in 12 years and constantly feel ashamed, guilty and frightened. So, my life issues are spinning in my head constantly and the worry related symptoms are very intense. They also APPEAR as withdrawal and medication symptoms.

 

This is where my extreme anguish lies... I'm constantly trying to talk myself down into a calm state, but haven't been able to do it.... because I'm worrying so hard, or medication withdrawal symptoms are CAUSING worry and fear... I'm spinning here.

 

I've read about the brain's response and biological changes to the medication.  I can't wait any longer to get things under control in my life. They don't stop sliding backwards so I can recover. I just really don't know what to do. I don't know how to be patient because this terrible panic has been constant from the beginning, and not just now after taking medication and stopping. It's probably a combination of my personal programming and medication effects.

 

The bottom line is that I have to be on my feet and I've been down so long and I don't see the way out. Nothing is helping. 

 

If what I'm writing is confusing, it's because I'm confused and scared as heck.

 

I want to dabble with taking small amount of Klonopin. I've read about kindling, but I'm hurting.

 

I wish I could be more concrete with my post, but I'm feeling anything BUT concrete.

 

I appreciate any assistance,

Thank you

 

Accept the fact that for now you are stuck and don't have many good options. The least bad option though is staying off benzos imo. Please try some positive thinking and also believe that you are on the right track.

[[Pi...]]

Thank you. I don't have anyone around familiar with the medication. I wish there were local support groups like AA. I don't have an alcohol addiction, but I've been going to meetings with a friend to get me out of the house and around people.

 

I became impressed with the moral support these members showed each other and I enjoyed listening to their life rebuild stories. I get very hungry for an association like that readily available to sufferers of this kind.

 

Just now I am thinking or wondering, that since I've been on meds for around 18 years straight, and now sharply off, that can it be that part of my horrible freak out and identity loss is because I haven't had a healthy brain and body this long? Can it be that I was in the drug anguish from tolerance that I believed that condition to be the real me, and now with all the changes that I'm freaking out more because I don't know THIS me that's fighting? I mean, I am terribly scared, but part of this fear is feeling COMPLETELY unaware of myself. I never was sedated during the medication treatment. I now see, from the help of you people, that I was in the tolerance condition and the horrors I was feeling was from the biological changes with the neuroreceptors and transmitters.  I kept working on myself and wondering WHY am I not figuring me out?

 

I thank you people for educating me. The professionals I put myself in trust with, never pointed at the high doses of meds I was on

I just wish the drugs had reduced any pain I was in; never did, and I got worse with the meds.

 

I'm wondering if the hell I'm in is not only withdrawal, but this evolutionary battle taking place, and I'm feeling like a lost child in a shopping mall.

I wish everyone happy holidays, and please bare with me and my Posts. I'm struggling to write here, and I'm very confused in this state.  I'm thankful I found you, and I pray this can help me survive.

 

Thanks again

Peace

 

[[Su...]]

Such a great post about what you are experiencing Piece!

Yes I think that part of tapering is getting to know the new "you" that emerges from the fog of medication we have been under.

 

I bet you'll find that all that work you've done on yourself is still there and now catching root in a different way that when you were unknowingly medicated all day long.  I know I've found that to be true for me!  The calm that I wanted is there, probably was, but the weird chemical anxiety that i thought was me had confused the whole picture.

 

And with tapering the adjustment or realizations are more gradual-- I imagine that CT is like having many veils being ripped off at once and shocks a bunch of systems.  I know that even with a ton of sxs, that are getting easier and easier to simply "live with",  I'm feeling better than I have in a long time.

 

Can you add a signature so that we can know where you've come from/through in this benzo dance?

Best wishes...

SS

[[Pi...]]

I will have to create that signature. I don't have a good record of all the medication I was taking. I miraculously survived a fire that destroyed my house entirely 6 years ago. I will be able to create something.

 

Thanks again. I don't even know HOW any of my posts make sense... I'm in such a ripping blur.

 

I really appreciate everyone's input.

Thanks again