Almost 9 months out and still getting worse and losing hope!

[[Ma...]]

I'm now a week away from 9 months out and I feel like all hope is lost and there is no coming back from what these drugs have done to me! This can't be just Benzo WD after 9 months and this wave that hit me right at the end of month 6 now almost at 9 months continues to increase and change in intensity!

 

I literally feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin and losing my mind or having a complete psychological breakdown it's so bad and severe more so now than even when I went into Detox which is very scary and hard to understand how I could get hit like this and be this bad at almost 9 months!

 

Even just over the last week all my symptoms continue to increase and becaome so much worse than ever before! The most consistent and constant symptom the head pressure burning numbness tightness and physical pain in my head especially in my forehead behind my eyes in my temples the top of my head down into my ears the right side of my head and into the my neck is so severe I can't even function have had to quit work and cant hardly drive or even leave the house anymore when 2 months ago I was working and at least able to function somewhat although still suffering but nothing like this!

 

On top of the physical pain the emotional symptoms are getting to hard to ignore or distract from! Severe DP/DR, confusion, brain fog, can't think or remember what I'm doing half the time and the increased level of anxiety insomnia and horrific intrusive thoughts and changes in mood are getting so severe I can't hardly take it or distract from it anymore!

 

About all I can do is lay in bed and suffer or stand out on the porch and suffer or just pace around the house going completely crazy and in so much physical torture!

 

This is insane I will be 9 months off this coming Thursday and yes I'm still on Zoloft but I've been holding staeady for over 3 months now so no major changes in meds and o really feel like I'm dying or completely losing my mind!

 

What is this? Why is this wave continuing to get worse when I'm not doing anything to push myself at all! Is any of this normal or is this just simply Benzo WD and a major huge horrific wave that is continuing to get worse and last forever?

[[...]]

Sorry you are still going through it , I'm over 15 months and have all your symptoms , it is so hard but please keep pushing , I pray God makes it easier on us .

[[pu...]]

This about the time I started having good months and bad months. I think the bad waves will break for you soon. Hang in there!

[Guest [Le...]]

I got clobbered at around nine months off, and at one point went into a nosedive. Then, just after I hit the one year mark, I got my first real window.

 

That was only around two weeks ago, and it's still holding. Last night I had dinner with my daughter and son-in-law, and we were laughing, joking and making plans.

 

Making plans! That's huge for me. A month ago a big plan for me was to figure out how to even bring in some groceries.

 

The depression and overall craziness have also diminished greatly, with the DP/DR actually gone. Also, for the first time in almost two years, I've been able to fall back asleep if I wake up early. I never thought I'd be able to sleep late again.

 

Hang on, Maize - I betcha some good change is headed your way soon!

[[Ma...]]

Thank you for your comments and post and I really hope some relief is coming but it's so hard to believe I will ever get better or see the sun again right now!

 

It scares me because I've not only been off benzos now for almost 9 months but I've had to hold on the Zoloft I let the crazy doctors put me on in the hospital now for over three months because what I assume is benzo WD has been so horrific and has increased and changed so much over the last two months I haven't been able to even start on dealing with the AD yet! I was actually planning on starting to taper the Zoloft again at the start of month 7 off benzo but this wave hit and I started to notice such a drastic change in severity in my symptoms I've been told to not rock the boat and hold and not make anymore changes at the moment but this wave hasn't let up and continues to get worse especially over the last few weeks it has hit me harder and more severe than ever before even worse than detox or the first month or two of WD and I still wander what part the Zoloft is playing in all this but I know the severe pressure and physical symptoms in my head are atypical for benzo WD and are so bad now I can't hardly function at all and you through in the severe emotional symptoms and I can't sleep or eat or do anything other than lay here and suffer and the only relief I get unfortunately is going outside to smoke which isn't much but the only thing that keeps me sain if you can call it that at the moment.

 

I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin and literally dying and having a complete psychological breakdown! I feel I have lost myself completely and all that was left of the old me and I'll never survive are see the sun again!

[Guest [Le...]]

The last paragraph? That was me at nine months, too.

 

I actually felt sicker than at any point in this whole horrifying process. I completely gave up and stopped even trying. Maybe it just bottoms out before soaring for some of us. I've seen many members describe this.

 

It could be the benzo version of 'Senior Slump.' 

 

I'm smiling because it can have a happy ending.

[[Ma...]]

I hope so I really do I'm trying to hold on but afte suffering for this long and to get hit this way now is very discouraging and it does make you want to give up cause that's where I'm at right now.

[Guest [Le...]]

I hope so I really do I'm trying to hold on but afte suffering for this long and to get hit this way now is very discouraging and it does make you want to give up cause that's where I'm at right now.

 

Yeah, know the feeling well - wish I could help. 

 

You could even get a window tomorrow - it can literally happen overnight.

 

In the meantime, if you can try to eat well and drink a lot of water, that can help. I found that small and frequent high protein snacks worked better than whole meals.

 

Also, even though I used to eat only organic vegetarian food, during the worst of it I began craving meat. So I ate it. It's funny because after the window finally came I stopped wanting it.

 

So maybe it's OK to let your body tell you what it wants, within reason.

[[te...]]

sorry you are feeling so bad MaizeNBlue. i'm almost 9 months out and doing okay except for my insomnia which continues to plague me. i'm so glad LeslieAsh is here to give you encouragement. as long as we stay away from benzos we are bound to get better.

[[...]]

It's so hard to say when you're still taking another psych med.  I was really sensitive to ADs so I'd get bad side effects from being on them.  I could only imagine what it would be like throwing benzo w/d into the mix.  I CTd off of benzos & an antipsychotic.  It's been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  And even though I'm not that great right now, I'm also on nothing & doing ok.  Try watching comedy.  A movie. Distract.  You're in your head.  I know what it's like just chillin at home with all your sxs all day long every day.  You've got to distract. 

[[Ma...]]

Ok I am very scared and feel like I'm literally about to completely lose my mind and feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin and about to over the edge.

 

I know now that you may think I'm being over dramatic about my symptoms but I haven't even been on here the last few days because I'm the last three days my symptoms have yet again increased and become even more severe than ever before to where I'm literally hanging on by a thread and holding onto my bed and this pillow for dear life.

 

Both the the physical and emotional symptoms have increased so dramatically even the last few days that I don't know how much longer I can hang on or if I will survive this much longer and on the verge of rushing to the hospital if I didn't think they would just make me worse and put me on more drugs.

 

The head pressure numbness burning tightness and physical pain in my head has reached and all time high and the increased levels of anxiety confusion DP/DR insomnia fatigue horrible evil intrusive thoughts have all increased as well to the point I really don't know if I'm gonna make it or survive this much longer?

 

I don't understand I'm now 9 months off Xanex and I've been holding on the Zoloft for quite a while now not trying to make any dramatic changes that would make this worse than it already is but this wave that started at the end of month 6 got worse at month 8 and now into month 9 and still climbing in intensity has just about taking me out and has become so severe nothing no distractions no technique anything can take me away or my mind off of my symptoms and I really don't understand why this continues to climb and get worse and why this wave or increase continues to climb to all time levels and I'm really holding on for dear life but nothing is working anymore and I'm scared I'm about to completely lose it.