Feel like health rapidly declining

[[va...]]

Just venting. Feeling like my health is rapidly declining. Pain in hips, groin, knees and back are horrible and get worse daily. The ringing in my ears has not stopped for months. Fatigued and weak. I look at people in movies or in real life and I wonder how they function, laugh, walk around, interact, etc.

 

Went from running 7 miles on Saturdays to barely able to do 2 without excruciating pain and dizziness. I sat in church today and felt my body was being pummeled by pain, fatigue. Then mentally I am consumed with regret and disconnection to anything. Really scary stuff.

 

So, as I sit at my desk trying to do drawings for a deadline I have already missed, I am consumed with thoughts that I am dying.

 

Sorry to be a downer, but figured I could get this stuff off my head on this board.

 

Can anyone relate to these feelings.

 

Many thanks

[[Co...]]

Yes.  You're not being a downer at all - I feel this way too.  I had a weird realization today - my carpet steam cleaner is broken, and I got upset at the thought of replacing it.  I instantly thought, "why buy a new one, when I'm dying anyway?"  The thought just came out of nowhere, and really threw me, because I know for a fact that I'm not dying... I absolutely know 100% that I'm going to heal.  And yet that thought was my brain's "knee jerk reaction."  I just sort of realized that while my rational mind knows that I'm healing, on some subconscious level my brain thinks that it's dying.  I think the traumatic brain injury is that big a shock to our whole system.

That's just unbearably sad to me - these damn drugs and what they've done to my little brain. 

[[va...]]

Thanks coming home,

 

I totally get what you mean with the carpet cleaner.  It's nuts how the brain creates this narrative of doom. Of course, when you feel this weak and in pain it kind of makes sense.

 

I know somewhere down in my rational brain that we WILL heal. 

 

 

[[Co...]]

We will.  You're still very close to your jump date, and it's hard.  I'm in the 7th month after a CT; I'm in a really bad wave right now, but before this hit me, I was starting to feel that my baseline was improving. 

 

Hang in there. 

 

(I just realized that for the rest of my life, if anyone ever tells me to "hang in there" again, I'm going to want to smack them.) 

[[va...]]

Thanks ComingHome,

 

Lol. Will be happy when we don't have to hear "hang in there" anymore. 

I know it's early for me. Encouraging that you see some improvement to your baseline after 7 months.

 

Just holding on to hope that this is all WD!!!

 

 

[[pu...]]

I'm right there with you. I know it feels like your health is rapidly declining br consider that you are making improvements that will only become visible over a greater amount of time.

 

I have been working out all through withdrawal, and I am 12 months. Right now, and during withdrawal I have felt like I'm at all time low, but the people around me say they are amazed at my physique. I get non stop compliments now.

 

So keep in mind it's impossible for us to feel good and note our own progress. Keep fighting and we will heal!

[[va...]]

Thanks push,

 

I still workout, but it's SO brutal. The dizziness and pain are bad. My knees and hips are killing me so I need to redesign my cardio workout which in the long run is a good thing! Just need to accept that the majority of this is WD and we will heal.

 

Many thanks!

[[la...]]

Yes yes yes! I had that too. The watching of people on tv and in life wondering how they just go about their lives and me just struggling to breathe let alone live a life! I was so jealous! It's still not that great but I'm having an easier time faking it lately. It does get better. Hopefully it keeps getting better until we are like the people we envy, just living normally.

[[Th...]]

Hi,  I join the club!

 

So, having very similar thoughts in my mind. Well, I try to be positive and think that this is part of the journey and I need to go it thru. It is accomplishment that you can do drawings/work. I haven't been able to do anything productive since May. One friend of mine in similar situation said that "living is full time job for me at the moment" and I think it describes the benzo journey well. T.

[[...]]

I feel that way too.  I look different.  Like I've aged 20 yrs.  muscle weakness.  Zero memory.  Severe pain.  I like www.benzowithdrawalhelpcom. I think that's it.  She was really bad off for years & she is s huge testament to healing.  She had to use a walker for months.  I myself can barely walk before the hip pain is too much.  Then I dread bedtime for the teeth clenching all night.  But good times.  This is what I get for seeking a solution in a psychiatrists office.  I'm better than I was nine months ago.  But that's about it rn.  In a wave but trying to still give hope or at least just show up.  I believe in impermanence but I also don't believe I'll ever get well.  Two miles is better than no miles.