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Greetings from someone with terrible coping skills


[je...]

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Hello, I hope to join Benzo Buddies because I received 30 xanax from a friend and fell in love. I am on Adderall and it was the only thing that made me come down, sleep well, and not abuse the Adderall. I found Etizolam online and have been ordering that for several months. My anxiety and depression, addiction and constant mood swings is causing problems and I have to quit both. I am scared to death. I know how short of a life Etizolam has have terrible rebound anxiety in the evening. My partner says I've become obsessive, neurotic and confrontational. My anxiety is through the roof, growing to gargantuan proportions 3 weeks a go when my dog died and I have not coped well with that, at all.

 

I am unsure how to go about quitting and whether or not I should confess to my doctor who really did not want to give me Adderall in the first place, my newly acquired Benzo addiction. I take 4-6 mgs a night of Etizolam and 40-50 mgs a day of Adderall, which I intend to quit first and then taper etizolam but I have a feeling the Etizolam is going to be much worse. I have no real support offline, and no insurance. I want to read about tapering, know my symptoms are normal or if they are abnormal and have some spark of hope. I hope I cam allowed to join and can beat this once an for all. I am no stranger to drug addiction but my thing was always stimulants, which I can quit with a few weeks of fatigue. I know this is a whole different ballgame and I need as much info as possible.

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Hello jenjee :hug: Welcome to Benzobuddies!

 

I am sorry about your dog, you're  having a rough time at the moment but it will get better. I would suggest you come clean with your doctor.  You will get plenty of support here it’s going to be okay, withdrawal is tough but worth it. 

 

I suggest you taper one drug at a time starting with the benzo.  Tapering slowly is considered the best way to withdraw from benzodiazepines. Reducing your daily dose by somewhere between 5% and 10% every 10 - 14 days is the rule of thumb.  A slow taper helps keep symptoms manageable. 

 

Check out "The Ashton Manual", It is a great resource for understanding the effect benzo’s have on our body.  It provides Tapering and withdrawal information and includes a list of common symptoms 

 

You will find some valuable support and information here, on the forum .  Our members are happy to share their personal experiences with you and support you.. Please feel free to browse the boards and post questions to any of the dedicated threads.

 

I'll leave you a few links:

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Withdrawal Support

 

General Taper Plans

 

Other Medications     

 

When you can, please add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  ”Create a signature”

 

Welcome aboard

 

Magrita

 

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Hi Jenjee

 

Dont be scared, sorry to hear you have no support offline. You definitely have it here and your not alone!. My story has some striking similarities to yours, I was also on a stimulant 60mg per day, now 10 mg per day since cold turkey stopped diazepam in March 2017. If you have any questions regarding symptoms/what normal or abnormal. Im happy to help if I can. I cant talk too much regarding tapering as I didn't do that (regrettably) and in retrospect wish I had, as there is plenty of support regarding that here and elsewhere. I just sort of panicked and tried to fix this rather than deal with it properly/ and in my best interests. I would definitely encourage talking to your doctor.

 

I had almost exactly all the problems you have talked about with the anxiety, depression and mood swings and tragic events with the fear of realizing I had to stop the benzo superimposed ontop of all that. The great news is there is hope! heaps of it. You will stop them and then heal over time as I did, even if you cant see or feel that in the short term and you'll be off the dreaded benzo and without these strange hellish symptoms and back on your way to full health and a great life. Feel free to ask any questions, happy to help

 

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Thank you, thank you! Some really good info. I am just about to cold turkey adderall. After a few of the worst days of anxiety and my partner barely being able to tolerate being in the same room as me, I tore up my script and since I have as week off decided to take the opportunity. I've quit amphetamines before and extreme fatigue and depression are really the only side effects.

 

The reason I'm quitting adderall first is because the benzos are used to come down. Without adderall even 1 mg of Etizolam knocks me out. I only take it at night. I may try to switch over to diclazapam with a longer half life to taper but I believe I'll be so tired after my last dose of adderall Friday I may just need/want less and less etizolam. I was always an upper kinda gal, so this started as a sleep aid but now I'm physically dependent, though I'd say not menearly as much because I just konk out.

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