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Almost a whole month with only a few hrs total sleep. Never feel sleepy.


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Is it common to not see improvement in the first month even when insomnia is this severe?  Does the natural sleepy feeling eventually come back?
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cindys - I know you have had it rough and I am glad you recovered. When did the sleepy sensation come back?

 

I am worried because I have been on a lot of different drugs. I have no sensation of being tired and my brain feels like it is burning.

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[93...]

This is unfortunately one of the cruelest benzo wd symptoms. Sleep began to return slowly, in odd bursts.

 

It started going from 0-2 hours a night, then 2-4, and so on. Then when I got up to a reliable 5 it would loop back to 3 for a night.

 

At one year off I am SO grateful that it's mostly 6-7 these days. I'm even hoping I'll regain the ability to oversleep some day - what a luxury that would be!

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How long can this total sleep deprivation go on with no improvement? 1-2hours would maybe be survivable but this doesn't feel like it is.  Pretty much impossible not to be severely anxious, depressed, non-functional, and approaching crazy without sleep. 

 

Seems my nervous system is so messed I can't take any ADs or OTCs. Nothing puts me to sleep or even makes me feel sleepy. 

 

Does having a history of a few different drugs make my situation much worse? I would really like to hear from polydrug users or ssri users that got off drugs and recovered. Or if anyone knows of members please provide their names. 

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[93...]

I got off Adderall, Ativan and Paxil - I believe that the polydrugging did make it worse.

 

It's hard to say when the insomnia will get better, but the it does. I did not think I would survive either, and it was the most challenging time of my life, but somehow I did survive.

 

Tried supplements, over the counter sleeping aids, and relaxation tapes, but what really made the most difference was the passage of time. I know that's a horrible thing to be faced with, having lived it every single day, but somehow the time passes and the brain repairs itself.  :thumbsup:

 

How long can this total sleep deprivation go on with no improvement? 1-2hours would maybe be survivable but this doesn't feel like it is.  Pretty much impossible not to be severely anxious, depressed, non-functional, and approaching crazy without sleep. 

 

Seems my nervous system is so messed I can't take any ADs or OTCs. Nothing puts me to sleep or even makes me feel sleepy. 

 

Does having a history of a few different drugs make my situation much worse? I would really like to hear from polydrug users or ssri users that got off drugs and recovered. Or if anyone knows of members please provide their names.

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Hi LeslieAsh,

 

Thanks for the message and being hopeful. If someone told me that I would progress like you have over a year, I could deal with it (even though it was no picnic at all). The unknown is terrifying. Especially since there is just no break for me and glimmer of hope. I can only pray my rapid tapers and cold turkeys have not permanently destroyed me. 

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[93...]

Hi LeslieAsh,

 

Thanks for the message and being hopeful. If someone told me that I would progress like you have over a year, I could deal with it (even though it was no picnic at all). The unknown is terrifying. Especially since there is just no break for me and glimmer of hope. I can only pray my rapid tapers and cold turkeys have not permanently destroyed me.

 

I really do think you will progress!

 

A couple of months ago I was in an absolute nosedive that  lasted for weeks, only to fly back up and out through a window I thought would never come. Even if I sink again, I know it will only be temporary, because over the long term the improvements have been major, albeit by a circuitous route.

 

I did a rapid taper that ended as a cold turkey, and I remember those days all too clearly. Please hang on through this - you'll have a lot of buddies here rooting for you!

 

:smitten:

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Uncomfortablynumb1,

If make you feel a little less anxious, just know that such extreme insomnia is pretty common during the initial stages of withdrawal. I experienced it and have been in communication with many others who went through it or are still going through it. It can take a very long time for sleep to return and stick around, but in the meantime it will get better than what you are going through right now. This won't be your favorite time of your life, but you will get through it.

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I just don't know how I can exist on only microsleep. Without any positive change I really start losing hope and question if something else is going on with my body. The longer this lasts I also wonder if there is a psychological component that prevents me from falling asleep on top of everything else. Obsessing or sleep anxiety. If I could just fall asleep and get maybe 2 hours that would give me much needed reassurance.   
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I went through all of the same fears and anxiety. Most likely there is nothing else wrong with your body or mind. When I went through the same thing I researched what was going on and learned about how benzos and z-drugs stimulate brain chemistry that helps us relax and sleep. Our brains detect this stimulation and see it as an imbalance that needs to be corrected. It fights the drugs' effects and that is why we grow tolerant to them. For some reason when we remove the drug from the equation our brain is very slow to respond (perhaps because of temporary damage) and continues to seek balance by fighting your natural calming biochemical reactions. As a result, you become hyper awake and anxious. It just takes an awful long time for rebalancing to occur, but it will happen.
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It is tough to get that natural sleepy feeling back at times.

 

I still can not sleep with a little aid from meds.

 

I have tried a few times to fall asleep naturally and my brain just won't quiet down enough to allow me to nod off fully.  Things do get way better though and you will slowly heal and sleep more like a "normal" person.  I typically get 6-7.5 hours now which is perfectly fine for me.  When this first started I would be lucky to get 3 hours of sleep and that was with being on tons of meds that made me feel like garbage the next day.

 

Just stay the course and stay strong.  I find keeping busy with work, exercise and enjoyable hobbies the best thing I can do mentally for myself.

 

Be strong  :thumbsup:

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Day 27 - had my second night of sleep of maybe 1-2hrs last night.  Pretty much dreaming the whole time. Does restful sleep creep in every now and then? Or does that not happen for like a year or never?  Got up with knife in the brain headache and worse GI pain than when I get no sleep. And paralyzing anxiety - and I don't have anything to be super-anxious about other than withdrawal and my health. 

 

I guess that is enough complaining for one post. Hopefully this brief period of sleep is a sign of progress to come. 

 

 

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R.E.M. sleep full of dreams is probably going to be the norm for awhile. It takes a bit of time for deeper sleep to be able to set in for any length of time, but it will happen. You have no choice but to just wait it out. I personally liked the R.E.M. sleep in my earlier nights in withdrawal because it was confirmation that I had slept and that took some anxiety off me.
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Aloha, that's a good point. I have the same perspective on dreaming. At least I have some evidence then that I've slept because it can be easy to believe no sleep is happening. It's amazing to me how in wd your brain can sneak in these super quick dream episodes to keep you sane.

 

Uncomfortable, I know this is brutal going so long without sleep. It's hard to believe that your sleep will ever get better, that it will come back. If you can just trust those of us who've been there for a little while longer it can help. A bunch of us have been through these long stretches and come out the other side. Early wd plus insomnia is an absolute beast but you're getting through it one yukky day at a time.

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Thanks MT for trying to reassure me things will get better. I am finding it hard to believe it now. It has been 33 days now and I have had a total of around 8-9hrs sleep if I add it all up. Those 4 horrific months of sleep deprivation you experienced was similar to what I am going through?  I feel I can't keep going the way things are. Quality of life is pretty much zero. My brain feels like sludge. Catatonia is not far away if I cannot get some relief. Even 1-2hrs a night right now would help my situation. In desperation I can't take any meds to help because nothing works. 
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I also agree with the dream-thing. It gives me the relieve that I did sleep.

Last night for example I saw every half hour of the clock, but then I try to remember if I did dream (this might sound silly, but if I don't try to remember hard, I don't realize I did dream) and yes, I realize I was walking around in the forest..... which ofcourse I did not do, but I did dream.

 

So, in between all those waking hours there is some light sleep we don't realize.

Ofcourse this is nothing compared to how sleep is supposed to be, but I think this keeps us from not being crazy at this point because of so little sleep.

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UN1, I hear you. It doesn't feel survivable to go so long without sleeping, or with so little sleep. All I know is that it is. Our brains are pretty amazing. They can sure put us through torture but they're also more resilient than we can imagine. At this point you probably feel like catatonia might be a break. I know during those 4 plus months when I was like this I was very, very out of it. Often I couldn't carry on an a real conversation or track anything on TV. I'd watch it just to help pass the time but I couldn't follow it very well. All you can do is hang on for now until this starts to shift. It will. It really will. When I was going through this, it was folks on here telling me over and over again that my brain wasn't permanently broken than helped keep me sane. And at the time there was no one else describing anything this extreme so it was hard to hang onto. When you can't believe it, borrow some of our belief in recovery. One day you'll be on the other side.
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Hi uncomfortablynumb

Am in the same boat so many CT"s and I am still tapering...

My sleep is non existent..so your not alone..I was CT off Paxil,zopiclone in 2016 was driving biking all the way through.then was given diazpam I CT that 2016,reinstated An still tapering!!

I feel as though am never going to heal!

I have had 20 minutes in 2 days,An since last august I get 2-4 hours,when I cut I get 0 so i defiantly can relate so sorry your suffering

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Hi Pinkfairy - thanks for the message. I question if I should have tried to taper but sleep was already getting bad and the interdose withdrawal anxiety was becoming intolerable. Hoping this cold turkey hasn't destroyed me.  This insomnia is unreal.  2-4hrs right now would be heavenly. I am now 38 days off and only still sleeping once a week for 2-3 hrs. Other days I am lucky to get 30min. The lack of progress really tests my will to live and really doesn't give me hope. The longer this goes on the harder it gets. I can't get used to this total sleep deprivation. I am going on 4 days in a row right now and it is killing me.

 

I am trying to just survive now. Extremely hard to function and have normal conversation.  MTFan is one of a few people who has had such an extreme experience with sleeplessness. Her story and progress offers a glimmer of hope. 

 

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Starting to get really afraid of entering psychosis from sleep deprivation. I have gone a whole week without any sleep again. Isn't this supposed to be getting better? I have muscle twitches and these brain jerks (hard to describe but they are unsettling and violent) when I feel like I am close to falling asleep.

 

Seriously don't know what to do at this point. 40 days and pretty much no sign of healing taking place.  The head pressure on top of it all is worse. Wonder if this is indicative of serious damage. 

 

Desperation has me thinking of trying Zyprexa even though I know it has horrible side effects and is hard to get off. Really don't know if it would even help sleep since so many drugs failed already. Feel out of options.

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With as little sleep as you're getting, feeling desperate is pretty normal. I don't know that you ever get used to this level of sleep deprivation but you can reach a point where you know you'll survive it. Where you feel *willing* to endure it for as long as you have to. That may be a willingness with other parts of your brain screaming, I CAN'T DO IT. I JUST WANT TO END IT, but you can grit your teeth together and shout back, I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN.

 

With as extreme as the insomnia is for some of us it's pretty amazing how rare psychosis is. I had a little (I heard music playing and what sounded like muffled conversations) my first time off klonopin but I'd also rapidly tapered off several other drugs and I was sick as a dog. Most the people who have this symptom get it very soon after jumping.

 

Zyprexia might be worth trying and having around for when you're up against a wall. You wouldn't have to take it every night. Just knowing you could do it, say once a week if needed, might lift some of the desperation. When I was at your stage I'd try to make it one more night and push as long as I could until I'd take phenergan.

 

I know it absolutely sucks, but it's not particularly odd that you're not seeing obvious signs of healing at 40 days. At 40 days off my final drug I was around the same as you. I really think part of what is so awful is feeling like a damaged alien-everyone around you sleeps. It's on TV, it's in what you read, everywhere they're doing it like breathing. But for us sleeping is like being able to fly without an airplane. How the heck do they do it?

 

One day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time, my friend.

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Fear of a disaster happening as a result of sleep deprivation is pretty normal, especially since anxiety can be heightened by lack of sleep. Nothing bad ended up happening to me, in fact in many ways I feel that my experience with severe insomnia actually made me a better person in many ways. I guess that insomnia forces you to learn more about yourself since you have to spend so many hours awake with yourself.

 

Also, my last three nights of sleep were about as normal and refreshing as anyone could ask for. A while back I really thought that would never happen for me again, but I was wrong.

 

The message that I want to spread is that you will survive the insomnia and that it will end.

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