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Rock and a hard place,help!


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I made e transition fro ativan to valium smoothly (please see signature).  It took me 4 months to go fro 15 mg valium to 10 mg. Except for one fall, I was symptom free (hold for vacation). Starting last October, I started dry cutting valium, 1/4 5 mg tablet per month (1.25 mg).  When I got to about 5 mg, all hell broke loose.  I was almost drifting into depersonalization and psychotic and OCD symptoms.  I upped dose to 7.25 mg V and was ok dor a few weeks, then started wi tremors, jerks, etc.  Back up to 10 mg V.

I am 65 and my husband is 70.  Right now he does just about everything for me, as I do not drive, do little around the house, and just eat small snacks for meals.  When my symptoms were severe, he got so upset, with me walking around at night, not sleeping, severe brain fog.

So here is the delemma: do I just stay at 10mg cor the next few years, or try a ver very slow taper.  I am talking about liquid taper at only 5% per month, which would take me about 20 months.  The 10% liquid taper from 7.2 mg valium wasnt working.

I am terrified of falls, since I broke my pelvis March 2016.  I am going to reauest a neural eval when I see the  p doc this month.  I am oretty sure that braindamage causing falls may be permanent anyway.

I am just thinking about quality of life.  How can I ask my husband to watch me bedbound and writhing with pain for 2-5 years when he worked so hard to save for his retirement, and based on his stats and family history may only have 2 -5 years?  Sometimes I wish I would just disappear.

Rock and a hard place.

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